Wander Full

Birthday and New Year Rituals

2012-01-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

I've always enjoyed having my birthday between Christmas and New Years because it means that people are in town and have a little free time. I've done a lot of things in birthday years past and when I thought about this years, I decided I wanted to have a day where I could connect with friends that I love to have conversations with. Not wanting anything large or fixed on a specific time period, I decided to have an open house/ party based around a filmed ritual at the park, a potluck, and a potlatch.

At 2:30 Cam and I met, at Tower Grove Park to do a test shoot with our Super 8 camera. After Cam had finished recording me dressed as a crow/hawk, a handful of friends and family members showed up. I enjoyed the random and brief spontaneous acting at the park, it was a nice shake up to my usual rhythms of the day. As I returned home, BJ showed up in a volcano costume and Cam and him had fun running around the neighborhood. Meanwhile I began to cook and welcomed my oldest friend Jenn (since pre-school!) and her co- worker. After much talking, I returned to the kitchen to start the Paella joined just in time by my friend Amy who assisted in prepping the food. From then on people slowly began to show up and the table filled with good foods. Conversations, eating, music, followed. There was always the right amount of food and by the end of the night there were just a few leftovers.

Additionally people walked away with coats, clothes, and books from the potlatch. (A Native American gift giving ceremony in which items are redistributed) In our case, friends brought things they did not want and then other friends could take them. I was left with only a milk crate of items for the good will!

The only drawback of the night was that our dog growled and barked at people, so Cam had to keep a close eye on her. This proved to be another journey in learning to responsibly socialize a rescued dog.

After a New Years connecting with friends about our New Years intentions, listening to an African Choir, and enjoying fondue and conversations at Chris and Jessi's house, I am feeling really happy and supported. I am thankful for all the amazing friends I have around the world, that I have come to know in long and short spans, and I love that ending this year, my heart is thinking of all of you.

As I look to the New Year and consider my intentions or resolutions, I've come up with the following three ideas.

Frugality- I've got to start putting money aside for our trip to Paris, also I want to continue to pay off my credit debts, I'd like to embrace a more frugal lifestyle this year and really enjoy the things I have instead of focusing on what might be missing.

Sustainability (personal)- I want to continue the positive habits I've developed the past years, eating right, regular exercise, personal quiet time for art, reading, and writing, and connecting with friends, all these things keep me going and keep me energized about the world around me.

Intuition- I'd like to listen to my gut and heart this year. I want to follow my instincts when I am making decisions and trust that I've acted following my conscience and needs.

New Dog, Aha Moments, Old Friends, and self doubt.

2011-12-11T17:18:00.000-08:00

My Dear Reader,
I've been holding back. First, I got a dog. After much sadness over the loss of our family dog Shane (see earlier post) and several years of reading Craigslist pet posts, I fell for a dog. Her name is Sheba and she is now celebrating month 1.5 with Cam and I. She has helped Cam and I remember to be present in the moment and joyful. Stealing shoes, peeing on floors, and herding us around our apartment, she has done her best to test our dog parenting skills with her puppy dog behaviors.

Second I really haven't talked about a project that I've been working on for over a year now. I've been interviewing my mom and some of her close friends in hopes of making an animation about their friend Connie Carr, whom we lost in the tragic Kirkwood Shooting back in 2008. I started the piece last fall after I received encouragement via a grant through Critical Mass, an online arts community in St. Louis. Starting with a visualizing meeting, where I set out my hopes for the project in a discussion and Powerpoint, I then worked with the group to create mind map collages about their intentions for the films and its message. The following six months I interviewed six different women and then sat upon the arduous task of narrowing down our conversations to a concise and logical one hour.
Wanting to represent the beginning of the creative process of building the animation, I created an animated short based on the women's descriptions of our hometown Kirkwood. Additionally I used my working props to create a wall drawing/ installation of the town around the animation projection. Check out this link, to here how an artist friend of mine experienced the piece.

Since the beginning of the project, I had wanted to figure out how to involve the women in building this film. I intended to hold animation prop building and workshops, which I will still do, but additionally I was getting held back by the "how" to involve. I just had a major A-ha moment, following an A-ha moment about a month ago. Which was I decided to have a viewing session in which the women I interviewed helped to edit the video. This would allow them the agency to shape the story and help me escape the tunnel vision I had been developing about the overall effect of the story. I found that during this meeting, the editing became another aspect of the collaboration that lent to the telling of the story.

I had a wonderful meeting with this group of powerful women and received really specific answers on how I could edit the piece. Additionally their enthusiasm for the project thus far was encouraging. If you out there know any other filmmakers working in this sort of collaboration please email me their names as I'd like to learn other ideas for involving the people I interview.

This past weekend I spent time with old friends who had come to St. Louis for a baby shower. Spending time with old friends was a fantastic and nurturing experience, I remember them cheering me on when I was young and struggling with depression among other issues, to reconnect with them for the night was grounding to say the least.

Finally I had a really nice dialogue at the Luminary panel on art after graduate school. I am still processing this and am going to start some readings that evolved from this discussion, more on this later.

Cam and I found out great news- we learned that this summer we were selected to stay at the Cite Residency. We wrote a proposal together to make a film and will now be able to make it happen! My heart is expanding at the thought of this unexpected opportunity. It reminds me how nice it is to have a trip to or experience to look forward too. Now we just have to figure out how to pay for it, gotta get working. I am also reminded how I experience success also with a degree of guilt and burden. ( i.e. There are so many deserving people...Now we must do something interesting.. )

I am trying to focus on the joy of receiving this news and vote of encouragement. I am looking forward to spending time with my siblings as they return to town. I am hoping to get my Christmas shopping complete and slow down this week after a period of general busyness.

Happy Holidays
Sarah

My Morning Doves

2011-11-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

I've been watching these birds for the past three years. It all started when a momma Morning Dove laid eggs in a flower pot on our back porch. I watched as her and her partner cared for the eggs the entire spring. I even recorded their strength in protecting the eggs during a rainstorm on this video link. One day when the parents where out getting food, I snuck out to look in the nest and discovered two baby birds. Since they were so young, they didn't seem afraid of me. I quickly ran back inside, not wanting to scare the mother away.

Around this time, I invested in a bird feeder to put on my front porch so that I could ensure the little birds nutrition and encourage them to stick around. This fast became a spot for all the neighborhood birds to hang out.

Cam and I watched as the little birds eventually hopped out of their nest and then later learned to fly. It was particularly funny to see how one of the birds was struggling to learn to fly- as he/she sat on the ground, the mother and other sibling would stick close and then swoop down near him/her goading him/her to fly.

Eventually they outgrew the flower pot and moved somewhere near our house. I would see them perching on other rooftops, porches, a light pole, but they always kept close. It wasn't unusual for me to hear them swoop down above my head as I entered or left my house. I started to notice that they would walk around on the sidewalk whenever the food was empty, as if to alert me. Occasionally I'd catch the young birds sitting back in the old flower pot.

Since then they've had more children. At times I've seen 8 of them by the bird feeder. They are my most devoted birds as they are out on the porch regardless of food, water, or time of day...
When I am out walking in Tower Grove Park I wonder if I've sighted them. Apparently crows can recognize people, maybe mourning doves can as well. Some people say that they are not very smart birds but actually they were almost trained as passenger pigeons. They may be lazy builders but them seem to be caring and consistent family members.

These birds represent to me a connection to nature, to place. In an urban city where I have less green space, I'm energized by the way in which I can still participate in an animal ecosystem. They are like my wild pets. It gives me great joy to watch them grow and in my own way, I have a relationship with their bird family. The drawing at top I made in honor of the birds. I even taped a photocopy next to my window so that they might see.

Garage Sale + Art Project= Love

2011-10-08T16:03:00.001-07:00

My father and I are both purgers, we like to get rid of things. Each Sunday I do an inventory of what I'd like to let go of and I place it in a box to get rid of at the end of the month. My mother and brother do not have the same tendency. With that in mind, I have spent this past week helping my mom go through her closets in preparation for a garage sale. She is not a hoarder like on the TV shows, but she definitely keeps objects after they have passed a purpose in her life.

One of my favorite jobs this fall has been helping my mom fix up and release things in her life. Its sort of interesting, because not only am I collaborating on an art project with her during our making of the animation Elegy to Connie, but I am also working with her around her house to fix up projects that have not yet been completed. Helping my mom complete her old projects, I've found has been contagious in my own life, as I find I am now trying to on a weekly basis complete projects I've had on hold. In completing these projects, I feel like I am keeping my word.

I think by finishing old projects and getting rid of excess clutter in our lives, we make space for clarity on other projects. It is also sort of like a re-setting of goals. I was further motivated to help my mother have a garage sale when she told me that if I would organize and work the garage sale, I could keep the proceeds. This could be another source of income. Finally, I could do another action as a part of my project Recall, Redraw, Release and put that project in an environment that related to its very meaning.

Alternative Incomes
My work schedule has been lighter. I have had less teaching work, as my class did not make, which has led me to explore some alternative sources of income. For an artist, I think this process can either be frustrating or invigorating. The possibly frustrating aspect is that gigging for work is not necessarily reliable, must be actively pursued, and can lead to work that is not art related. I've been having fun trying to find different means of income. I can say right now that I've got a nice balance between working and art making. I am reminded of how I tried to represent the art work/ work quandry in my "Live as an artist Project". Check out this funky graph below I made that charts the relationships between income source, studio time, and mental outlook.

*Barter-I really love bartering because it feels like an equal exchange of skills. I think in part because the two bartering parties actively try to reach a common ground that feels about the designated trade. Bartering in my life right now includes:
Bartering for yoga with my yoga teacher in exchange for tutoring her son.
Creating a work of art in exchange for future canvas stretchers.
Trading an illustration and photography session for singing lessons.
Trading video editing lessons for editing my writing.

*Freelance-I've also been taking some jobs doing freelance illustration for paintings and invitations. In the past I've done freelance editing as well. Most of these jobs come word of mouth.

*Teaching- This is one of my regular gigs but this fall it has extended into tutoring and private art lessons.

*Selling things- Whether its at an art show, Etsy, or a garage sale, selling things feels good. Yesterday's garage sale was a fun reminder of how, you never know what your audience or crowd would like to buy.

GARAGE SALES=WIN, WIN
A garage sale is a great end to a process of decluttering and organizing. It's a win win because suddenly not only have you simplified your life, but you are also able to make some money off of the things that you no longer need. I also love the intersection of community that a garage sale enables, suddenly a series of neighbors and strangers are temporarily in your space to take things of your hands. Its a moment of public sharing as well as story swapping. At yesterdays garage sale, among many memorable conversations, I met an enthusiastic young boy building a treehouse, a man that had just lost his dog, and a woman from England preparing to get her Masters. Meanwhile in objects; we said Goodbye to old TV, tacky fish bank, 1970's hiking back pack, inflatable boat, hummingbird feeder, pink brooch, Peter Frampton record, walkman, Playstation, and several other forgettable things.

RECALL, REDRAW, RELEASE
In honor of Artica, which was happening concurrently with our garage sale, I decided to bring Recall, Redraw, Release full circle. Last year at Artica, I invited people to bring an object they wished to let go of, but could not because of a memory associated with it. I created a drawing of the object and memory in exchange for the object. The donor, tagged the object with the memory. Donated objects were then free to a new owner, as long as they would write a short post card message to the previous owner detailing why they liked the objects. I then mailed the postcard to the old owner. I had been collecting objects since this first Artica sitting, mainly through private sessions at my studio.

During the garage sale, I put up a shelf of my collected items. It was really curious how people discovered these pieces in the garage sale, they were initially puzzled by the messages and the fact that the objects did not have prices on them. This usually led to my project explanation. Once hearing about the project and finding out the items were free, some people seemed less interested in the objects. They would have rather have paid for it. Someone described it as if the objects felt sacred, unlike the other stuff at the garage sale, it seemed people did not want to take the item unless they really felt drawn to its meaning. Furthermore I think it led people to contemplate their own collecting, I may have inadvertently discouraged them from buying other things at the garage sale. People thanked me and said that it was a really positive project. I watched a few people read every tag. I even passed my contact info onto someone who thought they might want to participate in the project. Finally, the people that did participate and take an object included; the young kid building a tree house and a woman that herself left notes in public for people to find. By my analysis, they were already creatively inclined or interested in alternative art practices. Nonetheless it has reinvigorated my interest in this project, so if you'd like to participate, please drop me an email pintorasp@hotmail.com.

I would also like to point out that my show at RAC, the beginning of Elegy to Connie, are described in depth in this post by Andrew Raimist, check it out! It feels so good to have someone take the time to write about this work!

More Later,
Sarah

A Photographic Guide to Crabbing

2011-09-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

While staying in Washington State, Cam and I were honored to have our friend Dave Lux teach us how to go crabbing!

Step 1. Get your traps ready!

Step 2. Prepare your bait, preferably a stinky chicken that sat outside for three days, a fish head, or in our case fish bits we bought at the bait shop. Secure your bait in zip tied orange bags.
Step 3. Toss your trap out into the water. So fun! Ideal spots are near fish processing plants where crabs regularly get food or spots along the pier where there are not as many crabbers

Step 4. Entertain yourself while you wait for your crabs to enter the trap. This might include, taking walks along the pier, going in town to eat salt water taffy, using the bathroom, reading books, or talking with other crabbers about their catch. Do not just watch your trap, very boring!

Step 5. Bring your trap in and check for crabs. If you catch a crab make sure it is male and has reached the acceptable size to be removed from the water. The Dungeness crab had to be at least the size of a dollar bill. Keep your crabs in a cooler with water to eat later. Have fun watching them battle!

Spirit of the Singing Dog

2011-08-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had to say goodbye to my best dog friend and I've decided to write about him because while we have rituals for burying people, I need a ritual or act (this writing) to bury my dog. My last memory of him is quite like my first memory of him, a gregarious energetic dog running towards me. When I first met him, his enthusiasm won me over immediately. As he ran towards me this last time, I began to cry, because I realized that despite the pain he might feel, he wanted to give me the best greeting he could, and that would supersede his exhaustion. My mom later told me that he had barely moved that day until he saw me.

Now, I miss his greetings. He has been a regular fixture in my life and a source of joy for the past twelve years. In the end it is the little things I’ll miss, because Shane appreciated simple things.

Sunning in our front yard or rolling in snow, he always seemed to honor and play with the changing season.

He was enthusiasm. As a young dog he greeted everyone he met by jumping up on them and trying to lick their face.

He loved explorations. I remember watching him gallop off through the woods at the parks I would take him too, only to have him faithfully return when he heard my monkey call. When he learned how to swim at Castlewood State Park, I watched him joyfully swim in circles that became bigger and bigger as he became more confident.

He made me believe that animals understand art; when my brother began to take piano lessons, Shane began to sing along with him. His howl changed volume and pitch depending on the intensity of the song, at the crescendo he began to bark. It wasn’t a one-time trick either, he sang so much, that my mom had to put him in the basement during Billy’s music lesson. You could still hear him from the basement and Billy’s teacher would say, “I think he really liked that song.” Shane understood and appreciated the feeling of Classical Music better than anyone I knew.

He had an astute memory. Shane knew the way to the park. We had one hill that we always ran down and every time we would approach that hill, his pace got faster.

We had a bond that he could drink the milk left over in my cereal bowl. Whenever he heard the clink of my spoon against the bowl, he’d run over to wait for his part. You couldn’t even say the word “walk” or begin to tie your shoes without him assuming that an adventure was about to occur.

He was a protector. When I was younger he would greet me every morning by jumping up on my bed and sleeping on my feet for an hour. This was one of my most comforting and favorite ways to wake up. Whenever a family member returned to sleep at our house, he slept by them the first night of their visit, to welcome them.

He was eccentric. He liked funky smells and foods. He would roll in the armpits of my stinkiest t-shirts. He loved cheese and peanut butter. One time I made a fowl tasting leek dish for supper, we immediately put it in the compost. We saw him jump in the compost and eat the leeks, only to puke them up in our lawn an hour later. We often caught him sleeping on his back with all four feet in the air. Sometimes he liked to sleep in my closet.

He had his own fears, he liked to hide out in the basement shower or in a car when he was afraid of the storms. Now as my parents clean up their house, I discover spots where he ripped up the carpet, no doubt in some sort of weather anxiety.

He looked like he was part deer, part lion, part reindeer, or Clifford the big red dog. He became the youngest child in my family, Shane was so much a part, that often during our family meals he’d lay his head right on the table next to one of us. Of course he might try and sneak a piece of food of your plate as well. But really I think he just liked it when my family was together. He would eat his food when we ate. If we sat down to eat, Shane would go and knock his head on his bowl as if to say I am ready too.

When we would leave he would lay at the front door. Now he has left us like my Grandma Marek, ravished on the inside by some mysterious disease. There was no losing of mind or 1000 goodbye’s. As I walk my parents house the emptiness of his presence is felt, no clopping of dog feet, no daily mail man bark, no scratching at the back door. No more dog chairs and couches, no more hair massing on the floor.

I often thought that if Shane had been reincarnated, he would have been a Casanova in another life, that now had to pay for his infidelities by being the most loyal of animals. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, he has graduated his life as a dog with highest honors. I’d like to imagine him being born as a prince. While I do not know the nature of what happens to animal souls, I think he might have more soul than some humans I’ve met.

What I most regret is not spending more time with him this summer as I worried about travel and work. That last time he stayed with me we took him swimming, we looked at ancient cave paintings, he hung out at my studio, I laid with him in the bathroom during a storm. The last week I saw him I remember that I watched him sit and look out over the back yard for a long time. I like to imagine that he was saying goodbye to this space that he knew better than anyone in my family. I regret that in my day to day of work, live, I was distracted by unknown stresses instead of just being present with my animal friend.

Around the world, people bond and form relationships with their dogs. Perhaps there was a time when that was what we mainly had; the wilderness and those few special friendships we had forged with the animal world.

In my own lifetime, this fall, I want to embody the qualities that a dog can teach us about how to be in the world. I hope to carry on some of his positive traits.

To be a dedicated, forgiving, unyielding friend.

To be ever enthusiastic for the simple things in life; company, nature, food, and art.

Goodbye to Shane the singing dog.

Garlic Capital of the World!

2011-08-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Garlic- there is nothing I love more than the strong savory taste of garlic in a meal. Pilar, my Spanish mother always knew how to add the right amount of garlic to a dish. When I first started cooking, I erred between too much, eww overpowering, or too little, barely flavored. In a way, I know my food friends based on if they do or don't like garlic. I don't care if it makes my breath smell bad or gives me BO, garlic is taste sensation for me, that is worth it. Returning to Las Pedroneras to see Pilar and Nicolas, I knew that I would have the chance to get my garlic fill.

But first, don't trust a travel agent if they tell you that you can get off your bus at a different site than your ticket says. I learned this the hard way after I tried to get off the bus close to Las Pedroneras as I traveled between Almeria and Madrid. Instead I had to travel all the way back to Madrid and then board the bus to Las Pedroneras. Luckily my exchange brother Julio kept me company at the Madrid bus station while I figured out how I was going to get back. After a total of 11 hours of bus ride, I arrived in Las Pedroneras in time to share a quick meal with Pilar and Nicolas, before going to bed.

GARLIC! was the theme of my visit to Las Pedroneras. Braided Garlic, a tour of the Garlic Cooperative, and Public Art about Garlic rounded out this experience. Las Pedroneras is one of the garlic capitals of the world, where they produce a lovely purple garlic that is fragrant but without the acidic hot bite that a white garlic might have. As you walk around Las Pedroneras, you can smell the garlic in the air, see its skins on the ground, and view boxes piled high with garlic.

First I'd asked Pilar to teach me how to create woven garlic braids. I spent one morning shelling and trimming garlic, essentially making it pretty. Then we soaked the garlic in a bit of water so that the stalks would become soft. Finally was began to braid the garlic stalks together, sort of like how one might braid hair, only we looped in other pieces of garlic. Her quick nimble hands braided the garlic in a much more beautiful manner than my knotted up creation. Pilar explained to me that this tradition was one that she'd learned from her grandparents. It is normal to see a braided garlic in a kitchen both for decoration and functional use. However she said that people did not buy braided garlic regularly for cooking.

Here is an example of a man from the Garlic Cooperative braiding garlic to sell at specialty shops.
That afternoon Pilar had arranged for us to take a tour of the town's Garlic Cooperative. Owned by the Community, this business exported garlic all over Spain and the rest of the world. Many of the residents had or do work at the Garlic Cooperative at some point.

When we arrived we had to wear special protective clothing and sign a waiver of safety. Here is a photo of us in our outfits.

The guide began to walk us around the plant. I had never seen so much garlic in my life.

After being picked, the garlic first dried in boxes. Then it was stored in a refrigerator until processing time.

Next the garlic was sorted by a machine, sort of like a coin drop, different garlic went into different slots depending on size.
Next the garlic was peeled, so that it looked more desirable, by a group of women workers.

Finally the garlic was stored in boxes to be shipped.
Since this was the garlic capital of Spain, much of the public art in town was based on the garlic. Check out this negative space sculpture of a garlic. Below is an image of Pilar and I, in front of a sculpture of a mother and daughter braiding garlic. Additionally that weekend the town was hosting the garlic fair. In plans for this town are a museum about garlic that will be located across from the Garlic Cooperative. Now if only the U.S. would start to import some of this delicious purple garlic....

Pilgrimage of the Crying Child and Things I've learned from Eva

2011-08-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Eva and I

My friend Eva invited me to spend a few days with her on the Southern Coast of Spain in town called Las Carboneras located in Almeria. Her parents had moved there a few years ago. She was going to vacation there with them for a week with her young son Luis. Her husband, a police officer, could not join them until the weekend because of his work schedule.

Wanting to give the Garrido family a few days to rest following the wedding and before I joined them, I said Yes. Plus, I'd never been to the southern Coast of Spain. The only coast I'd seen was the beach front in Barcelona. I wanted to meet Eva's son Luis jr. and I thought I'd feel useful if I could help her take care of him. Finally Eva had always been Rocio's best friend but we'd never hung out for vacation.

How to describe Eva... She is force of positivity and always a caregiver. When I was 17 she made a continuous effort to talk with me, explain things to me. She always made me feel like I belonged. She speaks a little English, mostly what she has learned from pop culture, and somehow has always been able to speak with me in Spanish or through gestures when we can't find words. When I was 21 and a dirty backpacker traveling through Spain, she reminded me to take care of myself and even gave me a hair cut. Her's is a self care that is physical and mental. She has pride in how she looks but also in her ability to have close friendships and financial independence. She's got a wicked, sometimes dirty sense of humor, but is also very empathetic to people and animals. She is sort of like Madonna meets Mother Teresa.

(See you Soon Rocio.) photo 2

After saying a teary Goodbye to Rocio at the bus station in Pedroneras, I went on a beautiful sun filled bus ride to Madrid. Eva and her husband Luis picked me up and took me to their house. Following a tour of their house and shared photos of their recent life adventures; weddings, childbirth, and travel, we began to prepare for our early departure. Going through her storage unit, Eva pulled out a hat she had kept that I had given her 15 years ago. I felt really moved to think how she had kept the hat as a memory of our friendship. Going to bed I reflected on my good fortune, I was excited about the family and friends I'd reconnected with, and now this unexpected trip! I could barely sleep.

At 5 we carried our things to the car and Eva began the drive out of Madrid. As the sun rose, I admired the changing landscape, city to mountainous country, to rows of sunflowers. All the while Eva shared her experiences following happiness and her philosophies on being an independent female.
* Don't stay in relationships that don't make you happy or that are abusive whether is it physical or mental.
* Maintain relationships with your close female friends
* Find work that is sustainable and creates ease for you.
The last time I had seen Eva she was working as a hairdresser. She found the work exhausting and with few benefits, since then she studied to work for the government. Her government job has part time schedule with vacation and benefits. It works well with her new role as mother.

As we approached Las Carboneras, Eva pointed out her favorite view to me, the water appeared between the desert hills. It looked like you could drive into the ocean.

Arriving at her parents house, I met her father Augustin, mother Louisa, and aunt. I was excited to find out that her father was an amateur artist. Her aunt was an excellent cook. Her mother loved TV, movies, and gossip magazines. After a quick nap we went down the the water.

The water was a cool rich blue with little visibility. The sun was very hot, although the humidity was lower than in St. Louis. It was a relief to sink underwater. Two year old Luis was not crazy about swimming. Eva and her dad wanted him to get comfortable. We all took turns trying to swim with him. He cried a lot after Eva submerged him in water and so we played with him in the sand. I watched as Luis tossed the sand into the water. I joined him. Bad idea. A few minutes later he started tossing sand everywhere, even at people!

We tried to get him interested in making sand castles and it worked for awhile. When Luis got tired we went home. That night we took a lovely walk through the town as Eva and her father pointed out sites to me. I enjoyed seeing all the old folks sitting outside of their houses on plastic lawn chairs, just sort of watching things pass by.

Journey to Mojacar

The next afternoon we headed to Mojacar, a town set in a mountainous region alongside the water near Las Carboneras. White buildings interconnected and towered all over the top of this steep hillside. Flowers trailed from planters on windowsills. Mojacar looked like how I'd imagined that Greece would look.
We parked our car and then began to walk the winding hills looking in at artsy tourist shops. This was an incredible place to view the sunset. (Above photo). After exploring the twist and turns of the street, we drank a beer at a Tapas bar. We walked back to our car on the ever circling roads, feeling the heat in our leg muscles from all the hill walking.

Play de Los Muertos
The following day Eva wanted to show me Playa de los Muertos. She said that this beach was one of the most famous beaches in Spain. Playa de los Muertos or Beach of the Dead was named this because its where bodies lost at sea washed up. Located near Las Carboneras, it was a quick ride to the top of the desert hill. First we looked at the old light house. I tried to carry Luis but his squirming body and loud protest gave me the message that he only wanted to be held by his mother. This should have been sign to me of the pending terror.

Heading down the hill towards the entry to the beach path, I noticed that it was a long way to the water. Eva told me she was trying to teach Luis to walk on his own instead of relying on her to carry him. She also wanted to teach him that he can't just demand things be done. With this in mind she encouraged him to walk down the rock hill. Holding his hands we flew him over rocks and watched as he joyfully jumped down. It looked like a lot of fun. Walking with him was a slow pace, because he had to get his foot grip. When we got to the bottom, I looked back at the distance we had descended. Pretty good for a little kid.
The beach was gorgeous; it was covered in tiny pebbles, the shore slowly met the turquoise water. When I got into the water I was amazed how the tide kept me in one place. If I was close enough to the shore, the pebbles massaged my body as the water moved me over them. People sunned themselves all along the beach some topless or nude. Everything was peaceful, except for Luis, once again he was not happy to be at the water. He spent some time throwing rocks and then got bored. I tried to entertain him for awhile so Eva could swim. He was getting tired. As we packed up to leave, I gave him a couple of cookies that I had with me. He gladly ate them.

We started to walk back and he immediately began to whine for his mom. Eva told him that she was tired from carrying him earlier and either I could hold him or he could walk. I held him for a few minutes but he began to squirm and cry so much that I could no longer hold him. I set him down and as he walked with us he went into a full blown crying tantrum. Eva and I kept walking with him crying next to us. At one point he made himself so upset that he threw up on himself. While we climbed up the rocks, people coming to the beach looking fresh and fabulous looked at us with a bit of irritation or maybe pity. Eventually Eva picked Luis up and he just kept on crying. By the time we reached the top we were hot and tired. I will always think of this day as our mini pilgrimage, just like those who walk to Santiago de Compestela, we had walked to and from the Playa de Los Muertos and all with a crying, tantrum filled, wild child.

The last couple of days of my visit were very restful. We ate good food---fresh melon, paella, russian salad, and as much jamon serrano and manchego cheese as my heart desired. During the later afternoons, I painted the view from her parents apartment all the while capturing the changing light. When evening set, we strolled the neighborhood of Las Carboneras.

The night before I left, Eva and I shared tapas at one of her favorite spots. I drank Tinto Verano a drink sort of like Sangria. We ate grilled blood sausage and fried calamari. Wondering towards the beach boardwalk, we admired the artist booths and ate ice cream from the arcade.
We reminisced about how cool it was to meet when I first came as an exchange student. Her and her friends thought I was brave and unique because they had never met anyone from the states, because at that time no one was coming to Spain. I talked about how Spain had changed me. I felt so fortunate to become friends with such caring and stylish friends and to be welcomed whole-heartedly. I thanked Eva for all the ways she reminded me to take care of myself.

The next morning when it was time to leave town her whole family walked me to the bus station. This was the first time I'd seen her mom walk this far since I'd visited ( because of her broken shoulder), I love how even in the goodbye picture Luis is squirming!

At 17 and 21, I'd made a series of friendships abroad and I had not anticipated what would happen with them. Like a friend that I haven't called on the phone for awhile, I felt guilt and I worried that our friendships would be lost by time and the infrequency of our seeing each other. In my friendship with Eva, as with many of my other friends all over the States, I am reminded it is not the distance that matters as much as the quality of the connection. Friends that I am really close with will remain this way despite barriers of, time, distance, and even language.

Rocio my Exchange Sister's Wedding in Spain!

2011-08-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

I headed to Spain full of excitement and nervousness to reunite with my exchange family and friends. I hadn't been to Spain for 11 years, not since I was a 22 year old hippie hiking across Europe with my guy friend to attend classes in Madrid. At that time I'd called my family from the train station and they rushed to pick me and my friend up. My friendship with the Garrido Family has been defined by their exuberant generosity and loving desire to include me in their family, and it has been this way ever since I was their exchange student the summer I was 17.

Ahh Espana family, fashion, art, dance, celebration, siesta and fiesta. When I was 16, I convinced myself that I needed to go to Spain to see the place of the language that I'd been studying since I was 10. Growing up in suburban St. Louis, I was desperate to explore, escape, and experience a different world. I can't remember now what I anticipated-maybe a slower culture with constant celebration, good music, and bright clothes. I'd formed a bizaare amalgamation of images and cultural identities about what the Spanish Language and culture was, and since then I've spent years examining and separating these notions across all the Spanish speaking countries I've visited.

Reebok's, Levi's, and Baywatch. Arriving back in 1995, I was shocked by the 1980's fashion that was in style. Strange popular music, the same and not the same as in the U.S.. I was bowled over by my welcoming family and friends with their distinct style, grace, intelligence, and humor. I left that trip with a new love and comfort for the Spanish culture and language. Furthermore this experience helped uniquely define me.

When I returned in 2000, I stayed a month in Madrid at a school. Each day after classes, I'd walk the city, all the while sketching and drawing as I went. At night I'd mark my discoveries on a map. I fell in love with this city; the ease of walking, the promenade of fashion on the streets, and the wealth of art to see. When my classes ended, my family invited me to stay with them at their pueblos. A tradition in Spain is for a couple to own a home in their Pueblos (their home town or their parent's hometown), and this is where they vacation during the hot month of August. With the Garrido family, I went to Las Pedroneras in Don Quijote country and Gascuenas, a mountain village. In both places I had a unique experience of small town Spain celebrations and fairs. In living with this family and connecting with my old friends, I was reminded to take care of myself and to maintain my own vision and sense of style. During this trip I made a series of onsite watercolors. Years later I made one of my favorite parade paintings based on a midnight procession in Gascuenas. Bottom line, Spain inspires me.

Fast forward to July 22nd the wedding day of my exchange sister Rocio. She had arranged for me to ride with her friends to Las Pedroneras where the wedding would occur. When I landed, I took a Taxi to Begonia's house where I napped and showered. I rode with Begonia out to las Pedroneras and we arrived at the summer house of Nuria's family. Here I was reunited with Rocio's close friends many of the same friends that I'd met when I was 17. Like a clutch of young mother's they fast began to arrange the house preparing the beds and a light shared lunch.

We laughed and caught up surprised that none of us looked that different after 11 years.

I met husbands and looked at photos of kids. Following lunch, we got dressed. My close friend Eva and I carried on our own tradition, when she gave me a Spanish makeover in preparation for the wedding.

Spanish weddings are very formal, sort of like a senior prom without the glitter and sequins. Everyone dresses elegantly and the expectation is that you will be up until 6am dancing. All dressed up we headed to Rocio's apartment to help her get ready. Here is a photo of me before we left.

When I arrived at her apartment I first saw Pilar, my Spanish mother, and I nearly started crying, she looked very glamorous in a purple dress with a fabulous hat. Next I saw my brother Julio and father Nicolas. We headed into see Rocio and we all started shrieking. She cried out its "La Americana!", more teary eyes, stopped fast by our joy.

She looked very elegant in a designer Spanish gown created honoring the Flamenco tradition. Our group took photos with her and we laughed because somehow we'd color coordinated in black and teal dresses (see photo at end of post). Spanish weddings don't have bridesmaids but somehow we arrived looking like an american wedding party. We headed down to have a beer before the wedding at the bar across the street from the church.

Unbeknownst to me Rocio was about to take part in a bridal procession through the cobbled streets of her town from her house to the church with her family. In retrospect I would have loved to have participated in this walk, but I was satisfied to photograph it for this time.

Inside the the church flowers and banners were hung. A group of Flamenco singers had arrived in traditional costumes to sing the hymns of the wedding mass. Their gypsy like chorus punctuated the coldness of the church with inviting folk harmonies.

I watched as friends and family members I'd come to know read parts of the mass. As Rocio and Salva exchanged vows, I could hear the nervous excitement in their voices.

Following the wedding we ran outside to the noise of fireworks.

We kissed the cheeks of the bride and groom and waited to throw rice and confetti at them. Next it was onto the bus for a ride to the castle where we could be celebrating their marriage in an all night wedding reception.

Coming up to the castle on the hillside, I was excited that you could see across the village (see first photo). We walked through the arched entry of the castle to tables strewn with tapas and waiters walking around with drinks. I had the best jamon serrano I've ever tasted. We sampled blood sausage with mushrooms in a tiny pastry spoon, pate, shrimp, manchego cheese, and mozarella skeweres soaked in Spanish olive oil. My friends grabbed tapas for me to taste and joked about the time when they'd convinced me I ate bull balls, although it ended up actually being the spanish equivalent of pork rinds. If you don't know about Tapas they are like small plates of shared appetizers. When the bride and groom arrived we hollered and cooed as they posed for photographs.

Heading into the open air patio of the inside of the castle, we found our table and prepared for the wedding dinner. The amount of silverware on the table prepared me for further Spanish food sampling. Salad with tuna, beets, lettuce, and olives. Followed by a white fish in a tomato base sauce. Next lamb in mushroom sauce with a side of potatoes. Sorbet. White and Red wine from La Rioja. Three desserts- a carmely pudding, something like tirramisou, and cinnamon ice cream were followed by coffee or a end of meal drink. Next the bride and groom cut the cake using a giant sword that they then had to lick after cutting the cake. Then the bride and groom walked around to thank the guest and they give them a gift at which point the guests give a gift of money.

Finally the first wedding dance and an open bar. I danced on and off through the night. As the evening went on I reconnected with Rocio's extended family. I was excited and moved to realize that I'd met so many people in her family and life- cousins, aunts, uncles, family friends. I danced with them and then at 3:30 am when I could dance no more, due to jet lag and tired feet, I went to Nuria's house for a peaceful sleep.

Bad Luck and ticket to Spain!

2011-07-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

My dear reader; while the first part of this post is rather depressing and downhearted I promise you that the second half ends on a positive note.

BAD LUCK
Incident 1- I thought my car had bad brakes so I took it to the mechanic. My family was leaving town Thursday so my mom loaned me her car. Sunday, Cam and I decided to drive down to the Pevely Flea Market. We left his studio in my mom's car with an armful of CDS and hopped onto the highway. Almost immediately Cam yelled, "The car is in red!" He pulled off the road and the hood began to emit smoke. When he opened the hood he discovered that the radiator was busted. The car was not driveable. Luckily our friend Ian was at the studio at his auto shop so he came down and towed us back to the studio. My friend Amy came and picked us up and drove us to my parent's house so I could borrow my brother's car.

Incident 2- The next day I started my first day of teaching animation classes. It was a rugged tiring group but I figured I would persist. On Tuesday I left the class to go teach the first day of a painting class with Saint Louis Art Museum at Lincoln in Riverview Gardens. Following a nutritious lunch at OR Smoothie, I headed downtown towards 70. As I made my way down Walnut turning left on to the next road, I was smashed by an oncoming car. Screaming until the car stopped, I in a daze realized I was still alive and climbed out the passenger door. A teenage girl got out of the other car as I yelled
"I had a green!".
"I know!" she said sheepishly "are you okay?".
She was also on her way to her first day of work. With some help from Cam I determined I was ok and filed the police report all the while consoling the young girl who seemed shocked that she could have killed me. Cam loaned me his car and I made my way toward the art class. When I arrived I said,
" I feel like I survived something to get here!" My poor family, I am car cursed.

Incident 3- The unruly students at my animation class accidentally broke the fire wire input on my camera as they were working. I learned that it would be $300 for the Canon repair services to even look at my camera. I had been using my camera because the supplies I usually have access to through the school were not made available for me.

Incident 4- I received an email from my exchange sister Rocio in Spain that said she was getting married and... could I come in less than a month? I having no money and little time felt totally depressed that I couldn't go.

All of these incidents sent me into a three day depression were I became uber aware of time, money, and effort.
Time- in that I was aware that time was passing fast and I did not think I was doing all the things that I wanted to do. Particularly because I had to keep spending my studio time to fix the problems.
Money- because I did not have the money to go to Spain and I have been saving for three years to go on a trip with Cam but still had made little headway.
Effort- because all these incidents made me feel like I should not try anymore as frustrating stuff just kept happening to me!

Along the way I had some good cheerleaders, my friend Jenn convinced me to go to my studio instead of a meeting. My friend Emily cheered me up with her funny stories. Cam kept me sane and drove me around during a crucial "I give up moment".

THE DREAM
Right after all this happened, a little over a week ago, I had a dream that I was watching someone's dog at a wedding. The dogs legs fell off and I got freaked out. The dog just started running around in pure joy. I couldn't figure out why, but the dog didn't even notice it was injured. The dog and I ran into the church for the wedding. Meanwhile a storm of tornado approached the packed church. Everyone was watching the death storm through the glass windows. I thought I would die and so I started to look for all my friends and family. The storm passed and there was a clear beautiful sky.

I woke up after this dream and felt certain that I would stop letting the small stuff get me down. Although, my back was aching, I decided to chose not to focus on it and instead would get to work on my art, classes, and schemes.

While my back continued to cause me pain the rest of this past week, instead of giving it energy I tried to distract myself with all the little things I could do. I used the immobility in my studio as a moment to focus on building animation paintings. Changing my mindset also helped me listen to my inner dreamer vs. the complainer.

As I went to email Rocio about not being able to go to her wedding, I began to consider the possibility that I could go. I looked at my teaching schedule, I could probably miss the last two days. I considered my work for the RAC Critical Mass show, I could focus and simplify and work hard now to have the time for this trip. Finally I even started looking at tickets, steep but maybe possible if I used a credit card or took my dad up on his offer to use his frequent flyer miles.

I don't really like to travel at this point unless I can shoulder the bill. I feel guilt about using the hard work of my dad to pay for the flight. I talked with my dad a couple of time and it sounded like he wasn't going to use them, in fact even if I used some for Spain, he'd still have some left over. After a frenzy of date checking and confirmation that I wasn't skipping out on any responsibilities, I got a ticket!

On July 21 st I will be traveling to Madrid, Spain and then to the village of Las Pedroneras so I can attend my dear exchange sister Rocio's wedding! I can't wait. I haven't been there for 10 years.

During all the drama of the past month, I had fun starting an Etsy account. "La Sarahnita sees the World" is a collection of older artworks that I am happy to share and sell in hopes of furthering my art circles and raising funds for more studio time this fall and future travel dreams next summer. Please check it out and let me know what you think.

Humbled

2011-06-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

Seeing

A few weeks ago, during a high five that went awry, I managed to scratch my cornea with my own finger. For the rest of the night, I held my eye in pain, believing that like other past poked eyes’ the pain would dissipate. Unable to sleep, I roamed the house drying my weeping eye and crying out in pain to Cam. Worried that I was going blind, I wondered how I could continue my creative practice, let alone possibly teach the next day.

That morning I called my mom to see if she could drive me to the doctor, as Cam had to work. At the quick clinic the doctor put a pain relieving medicine in my eye. She then dyed it yellow in order to look at the cornea surface through a UV light. The doctor said I had scratched a 1/3 of my cornea along the outside edge. Luckily the prognosis was good. The eye heals fast. I settled into my blindness and spent the rest of the day with my eyes mainly shut. Listening to movies, eating food, and even dictating a paper to my brother, my temporary scribe, I tried to enjoy this limitation by focusing on the senses I did have sound, taste, and touch. Which led me to this question; what fun can a blind person have in an art museum? No touching and no seeing?

Just like the doctor’s prediction my eye healed fast and by the time I went to the eye doctor two days later, it was already 90% healed.

Artist Hero

The following weekend I went to the opening for the new show "Cryptic" at the Contemporary Art Museum. I was excited that one of my favorite painters, Dana Schutz, was included in the show. Her Gauguin like colors, strange figural abstractions, the lush fluidness of her paint, needless to say I was excited to see her paintings in person! The next morning, I went to the artists’ talk, a breakfast courtesy of the Contemporary, followed by a discussion panel. After an invigorating discussion on the nature of being cryptic; or not...saying it all/ being literal/ explicitness in artwork, I was able to walk up and meet Dana Schutz. I had a slight purpose, as Cam and I had gifted each other a book of hers for Christmas a few years back, and we wanted to get it signed. Immediately she complimented me on my hair, and I on hers, as we were sister of the big curly hair. Then she began to tell me about how she’d injured herself and I told her about my eye. Which was funny as her paintings actually remind me of ways that humans being the cause their own damage. Cam and Lauren Adams joined in the conversation and we discussed St. Louis, studio practices, and printmaking. I can’t tell you how energizing it was for me to meet an established artist that was so humble and easily approachable. I found this very encouraging, as this is how I’d like to be in the world. It reminds me that nobody has “it” figured out.

Season of Weddings

For the past two weekends I’ve had the pleasure to attend some amazing wedding. I felt like at both weddings, I was surrounded by amazing unpretentious people.

Art Visionaries

The first wedding was for Galen and Jessica Gondolifi in Gary, Indiana. Cam and I gave a ride to the ever entertaining and possibly best road tripping guest ever- Sallie Durbin. While Sallie regaled us with tales of her off the grid life in Columbia, MO followed by her entrance into the New York fashion world, we nibbled on an array of snacks she’d packed. Almonds, deli sandwiches, a glass of wine, it was the best car picnic I’ve ever had! I had so much fun discovering commonalities with a relatively new friend.

We arrived at my friend Christy’s house/ theater in Chicago and settled into her main room. Continuing our conversations, Christy filled us in on her family and friends working through the Joplin tornado. Thank God her immediate family was okay. I began to doze off as her and Cam debated the differences between the art world and the film industry. The next morning I woke to Christy playing some fantastic music by

The Tune yards

as we began to get ready for the day, after a visit that was far too fast.

Driving the hour into Gary, we were surprised to see a lot of nature. Up to that point everyone had been asking us why go to Gary, Indiana? After checking into our hotel and dropping Sally off at Jessica’s parents house, Cam and I went to get ready. When we arrived at the church we were delighted to see so many St. Louis faces. The Catholic mass had a special feel to it as so many of their friends and family members took part in the readings and prayers. The priest, Father George originally from Uganda, filled the mass with gentle metaphors about the similarity between having good credit and a strong marriage. Galen led the bridal entourage by running Jessica seated in his rickshaw to the reception site at the aquatorium.

The aquatorium was a cool old beach house building along Lake Michigan. The top level was covered but completely open with views across the water. After a series of tear inducing toasts, we ate. A highlight for me was seeing the Wayne Thiebaud painting of cakes reproduced as wedding cakes! Even more so I was humbled by the amazing people around me artists, social workers, poets, teachers, and museum/gallery workers. It was impossible not to feel- I was surrounded by talent, and even more so people with a lot of heart. What a fantastic marriage of two people!

That night Sally, Cam, and I drank tequila and sat on the rocking chairs outside of the Country Inn Suites. I contemplated my own purpose and wondered, while in the company of so many amazing people, if I was living a life in line with the meaning I wished to have.

Sunday morning we joined a series of people for breakfast and we were able to hang out with Kevin, Wonder, and Father George. I learned that Father George is trying to create community change by starting up a school to serve as resource for women and orphans in Uganda. Sally, Cam, and I felt immediately drawn to his ideas. He was looking for help from people to start the fundraising process and to eventually offer programs. A new purpose presented itself to me at breakfast, we volunteered to help.

Departing from Sally, Cam and I drove into Chicago to check out the Mark Bradford show and hang with our friend Ian. The Mark Bradford show was strong, although I was turned off by the amount of text on the interpretive panels. When I am at a show I like to look at the work and then read the panel to ascertain what I understand and what I missed. I felt like, I was told too much through the text, to the point where it took a little of the magic away from viewing the work. I didn’t need to know it all…odd as I at times am afraid of being too literal in my own narratives.

It was a pleasure to see our friend Ian, who is always intelligent, hardworking, and compassionate. We ate a delicious lunch at a vegetarian diner where I had the best Reuben- (meat or no meat)-ever. Ian took us on a tour of his studio and he gave us updates on his project… Plus it was grounding for Cam and I to meet with our old fellow graduate as we found that we shared commonalities in throughts about how art might function in the world. For us it was a discussion about the similarities between Ian’s project, Cam’s museum, and my thesis show, plus a general recognition that we all in some way were attempting to re-examine or make peace with our childhoods.

This past week I closed down my middle school art room for the summer and began to catch up on my Animation interviews. See my busy studio...

This weekend was big a convergence of my core people in St. Louis. My sister came in town for a wedding. We had some quality workout and shoe shopping time together. Then many of my college friends arrived in St. Louis in preparation for our dear friends, Ryan and Sean, and their wedding/ commitment ceremony. Finally my best friend Amy moved back to St. Louis!

My First Gay Wedding

I had been preparing for Ryan and Sean’s wedding for sometime, as they had commissioned me to create a painting for their wedding and invite. My friend Brooke, (bride in the fantastic Mexico wedding from earlier posts) served as their wedding planner, and so I’d been hearing about many of the wedding preparations. Not wanting to have a traditional wedding (as ridiculous Missouri does not recognize gay marriage), I enjoyed the purpose and meaning they brought to their ceremony and reception. All around I felt little touches of Ryan and Sean- from the inclusion of their Dog Maddie, who along with Ryan’s mother walked him down the aisle, to the raucous band Soul Alliance, to the sheet music table numbers around the room. The ceremony was brief, conducted by Ryan’s aunt, who spoke of how special it was that this full room of people was there to recognize their commitment and how amazing it was that like their grandparents they had fallen for their child hood sweethearts. I could not help but start crying for many reasons.

On one hand I was so happy for my friends. Also, I experienced this deep emotional gut understanding about how the law is wrong and that it pained me greatly that our government says who someone can or can’t love. Beyond that sadness, I experienced an elation that even if the law doesn’t recognize it, we, all those people in attendance would. We were there because we wanted to see gay marriage recognized. I know that Sean and Ryan struggled initially with the idea of having a commitment ceremony, was it better to protest by not having one? Ryan said he’d felt like as he’d grown up he wanted people to recognize their commitment and he wanted to do it publicly, to share with people. I am so thankful that he did, this wedding ritual was celebratory and powerful for me to experience. Later a parent spoke- I knew that their son had a hard time coming out to this particular parent- what a moment to hear this person quoting a Garth Brooks song about being able to love who we love and then to follow up with “I’m proud to be from Missouri but I can’t wait to see these laws change. “

Finally in closure my talented strong friend Amy has moved back to St. Louis. After several years working as a lawyer in D.C., she realized over the last year that she was incredibly unhappy. She decided to move back to St. Louis and give herself the chance to push the restart button. So she will allow herself to try a new place and new work in hope of unpacking this question of- what will make me happy in my life? I am proud that even though she was far along with her career and connections in D.C. she has risked it all to find her happiness. As she does this searching, if you know of any fun part time work let me know so I can send it her way.

All in all I have been humbled by my friends and family, even if I am not certain of what I am doing, it gives me great strength to know I am surrounded by people that have the courage to live their lives in pursuit of meaning.

SGCI Cherokee Street Event List

2011-03-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

For the past seven months I've been coordinating events for the SGCI conference that are happening this Friday night on Cherokee Street! In much of the same spirit of the parade, I've been moved by the willingness of so many people to become involved. Beyond the 1000+ conference goers that we are anticipating, what I hope even more, is that St. Louis art supporters will come and check out the street this Friday night. If you ever complained about things being spread apart too far or yearned for a more pedestrian St. Louis, this night we will light 14 blocks with lanterns, public art, shows, and performances. The event starts at 5pm and ends as late as 2am if you attend one of the many dance parties. I am going to give a little bit of information about the projects.

Aisle 1 Gallery, Show Me Your Tax Bracket

a mixed media, invitational group exhibit co-curated by Bryan Walsh and Danielle Spradley, will be held at 2627 Cherokee St. (@ Texas). Opening Reception: Friday, March 18, 2011, 7-11 p.m.
Participating artists: Amy VanDonsel, Ben Pierce, Blütt, Bryan Walsh, Cbabi Bayoc, Chris Sabatino, Christopher Burch, Daniel Burnett, Daniel Gaeng, Daniel Jefferson, Danielle Spradley, David Langley, Garrison & Alison Buxton, Gina Alvarez, Jason Spencer, Jen Everett, Jenn Carter, Jeremy Rabus, Joey Potts, Joy Tiyasirichokchai, Julie Malone, Justin Tolentino, Kristen Bartel, Laura Lloyd, Matthew Eckhard, Melvin Jefferson, Michael Hoffman, Myles Keough, Peat Wollaeger, Phil Jarvis, Robert Tapley Bustamante, Ruben Aguirre, Jr., Ryan Frank, Sarah Giannobile, Seitu Smith, Sleepy Kitty, William Burton, Jr., Zack Smithey"

All Along Press, Deceased was the Widow of Henry Mosby; An Obselete Technology Guide for the Citizens of St. Louis (with ILLSSA); Tugboat Print Shop; Uncover.

Travis Russell has been secretly working with Steven Brien on a display to be uncovered Friday night.

Archive, Spring Freaquinox- this benefit for Artica,( my favorite Art and River celebration held annually), will feature a secret parade with a giant Ox pinata, an art auction, food from the Cherokee Peach, and traveling circus-like performances.

Art Dimensions Gallery, Fresh- this group show has been coordinated by Ash Forrest. She has also been helping with Lights Along the Cherokee. This show features the work of several print makers from St. Louis and beyond.

Awful Nice, All the Colors of the Dark

4066 Juniata Street STL organized by Coby Ellison.

A reception coincides with events on Cherokee Friday night. The show will feature prints inspired by heavy metal, psychedelic and fantastic aesthetic.
Artists include Arik Roper, Mark Riddick, Justin Bartlett, Coby Ellison, David V. D'Andrea and French.

CAMP 47 Prime Stephen Houldsworth's Take Away Birthday Party. 3026 Cherokee. Art Show and birthday party with performances by drag artists, pole dancers, and bands. To benefit Effort for Aids.

Cherokee Photobooth will be open from 6 to 10pm. Paintings by Ryan Frank, David Langley, Seitu Smith, and Phil Jarvis, photographs by Juan Montana, and a trovadour: Drew Sheafor. Check us out at www.cherokeephotobooth.com

House Coat at Cosign Projects. 2733 Arsenal

Leeza Meksin( New York City) is here to dress Cosign projects in blingy spandex fabric. Following a successful kickstarter campaign, Leeza has come to with a documentary crew to record the installation of this art work. The opening of House Coat will include music, drink, and dancing. Free drink if you wear your favorite spandex oufit or superhero costume.

Cranky Yellow, No One Goes Hungry, 2847 Cherokee. This show features the work of Jason Potter a collage artist also working with prints to create punk and pop rock posters.

Don Carlos Restaurant, Cherokee Printmakers’ Special- Kim Wardenburg and Eric Woods have been cooking up this project for several months. Kim has been interviewing and collecting inspiration that she translated into visuals that will be literally printed onto tortillas by Eric Woods and sold as tacos. They will be collaborating with Carniceria Latin Americana create the tacos. The first 250 receive a free zine with their taco purchase. 2800 Cherokee Street.

El Lenador, Blessed Unions Wedding Performance Reception, 3124 Cherokee. This promises to be an incredible Wedding after-party held at El Lenador. Galen Gondolfi has organized several musical performances including Daydream Lullaby and there is talk of a late night dance party.

The Firecracker Press, Manual Feed; St. Louis Typefoundries. Check the Link above for Cherokee Printmakers Special. Eric Woods and his crew at Firecracker have a full schedule of events. Including musical performances involving a press and a traveling print truck that will randomly appear to practice the art or printmaking.

FLOWERS TO THE PEOPLE will also be hosting an art show by Caleb Hauck + Guests.

Check out your new local floral shop at 2713 Cherokee Street.

Fort Gondo Compound for the Arts, Blessed Unions Exhibition; Blessed Unions Wedding Performance Ceremony Printmakers getting married to each other and the printmaking lifestyle! Additionally a group show of printmaking couple and collaborators. 3151 Cherokee.

Gallery AM-Art Monster,

Stencil World: Stencil Art from around the Globe

Peat Wollaeger has been traveling the world stenciling and participating in collaborative art shows. Now he brings together some of the many artists he has meet along the way to celebrate the artistry of Stenciling. Hosted by Art Monster, this show will also feature a surprise public art work to dress up a Cherokee building.

Good Citizen Gallery, Equilibrium: Writ Large; Saturday The Birds Fell From The Sky

My boyfriend Cameron Fuller and his best friend Travis Russell have collaborated together on this playful installation that I like to fondly think of as a boyhood imagination of a post apolcalyptic culture that embraces car culture, secret caves, and spin art. While this gallery is a bit of the Cherokee Map, the show is well worth seeing. 2247 Gravois.

Prototyping Revival Display @ the former Grace Hill building by Jason Deem. Keep yours eyes out for this building thats been brought to life through a light show the night of SGCI!

Artist Kristen Bartel brings us Hotoff-Press... is a rehabbed 1963 Schwinn equipped with pop-up tables and simple silkscreen, for the purpose of printing free, distributable media to the community. As part of this project, friendly information such as the history of Cherokee Street and local happenings—or even just cool graphics—will be printed live and distributed during the evening events at Cherokee Street.

hotoff-press.blogspot.com

Passing Notes, Jackson Piano 6pm-9pm, 3138 Cherokee Street.

May Babcock, Sarah Hayman, Megan Singleton

A collaborative installation of sculptural prints utilizing geographically significant handmade papers. The exhibition explores observations of Louisiana's flora and landscape through prints on organically shaped sheets made of native fibers. An environment of prints invites viewers to travel through the exhibition, drawn in by the sounds of a pianists reactionsto the work.

Johhny's Mini-Theater, Rats and People Motion Picture Orchestra and Mr. Vegas.

Preview of their new scores for Three Buster Keaton Short. $5door/$10+beer. No Minors.

Myles Keough at Cherokee’s newest café Labeebee’s. Municipalities Occur is a series of paintings showing metropolitan areas seemingly appearing out of mist created by the artist’s unique use of spray enamel. Good food, drinks, and music by Alexis Tucci (7-9pm) and of course art. myleskeough.wordpress.com

Lights Along the Cherokee. Artist Bob Hartzell. Up and Down Cherokee Street. I've been working with this project for the past couple of months. I have been amazed with the patience and hard work of Bob Hartzell. This collaborative project highlights local inspirations through the creation of a series of illuminated towers installed along Cherokee Street. It will guide people along a path between participating venues during the Friday Evening Events. The 6-foot-tall paper lanterns have been constructed and designed by different groups of local artists, community organizers, and citizens, yet all of the towers will be based upon a universal structure and underlying design developed by the core team of artists and lead artist Bob Hartzell.

Lanterns have been designed by: All Along Press, Amber, Artmart, Lohr Barkley, Beth and Judy, Sophia Dalpiaz Brown, Dail Chambers, Rusty Conklin, Craig Downs, Elisa Forgelman, Ash Forrest, Firecracker Press, Fred, GYA Arts, ISCREAM, Greg Jones, Kyle Jones, Bridget Kraft, Paper Boat Studios, Peridot, Erika Popp, Kelly Porter Griffin, Sarah Paulsen, Rachel Plank, Queen Bee, Eric Ryszkiewicz, Chris Sabatino, Jenny Shriner, Sleepy Kitty, STyLehouse, Peat Wollaeger, Yeyo Arts. and many others....

Do The Right Thing. Los Caminos

A show featuring work by Kevin McCoy, Peter Seay, and Friends. Live music and (DJ) pumping out our windows for the later half. 2649 Cherokee

Mani Pedi Gallery 3104 Cherokee, Unicorns! A Print Portfolio

Next to Mani Pedi Gallery- Black Sheep a portfolio of prints curated by Melissa Harshmann

Next to Mani Pedi Gallery- Bob Hartzell Prints

Novedades Johana, 2740 Cherokee, Out To Dry a collection prints from Nashville, TN.
Prints from Bryce McCloud, Brad Vetter, Adrienne Miller, Lindsay Warren, Laura Baisden, Bethany Taylor, Jean Kang, and Chris Cheney.

Paper Boat Studios, The Paper Boats Also a participant in St. Louis Fair Trade.

PHD Gallery, Fine Print: Monoprints “Fine Print” showcases the work of Joe Chesla & Amy Firestone Rosen. Rosen creates monoprints using waterless lithography and serigraphy. By contrast Chesla creates process directed, mineral prints incorporating nontraditional techniques to impregnate fine printmaking paper with a recording of the corrosive process of metal.

Funambule at Pig Slop 5-8pm. Followed by Concert/Dance Party with MSIF, Stacian, Barely Free Partial Prisoners + more tba. 8-1am. 2700 Cherokee

Porter Teleo, From Printing Plates to the Showroom, 3325 Cherokee St. Porter Teleo is opening its studio for an evening to show its collection of hand-printed and hand-painted wallcoverings and textiles, developed by artist/printmaker Kelly Porter and interior designer Bridgett Cochran. The patterns are created by employing a variety of fine art processes, such as wood blocking, painting, and chine-collé. The products present a bold, distinctive color palate with a refined aesthetic. The unique styling is drawn from ancient Japanese screens, antique architectural ornamentation, and the hand of Porter. Only the finest materials are used in the process, from the richest pigments to handmade Japanese papers.

PrintTruck (sponsored by The Firecracker Press), portable tabletop press with demos and pop ups.

Snowflake, w/ w/o rds includes printed works on paper, from traditional letterpress to digital output, that focus on our temporal use of language in combination with the printed image. Featured work on display by Abra Ancliffe (Portland), Tate Foley (St. Louis), Jimmy Luu (Urbana-Champaign, Ill.), Sonnenzimmer (Chicago), and Emily Sullivan (Akron, Ohio).

STL Improve Anywhere

St. Louis Fair Trade,

A scavenger hunt of sorts that will traverse Cherokee Street with stops at Paper Boat Studios, All Along Press, and the Lot Alongside Firecracker.

Totems Cameron Fuller

Large Scale wood cuts Travis Russell Next to Firecracker Press

Passport books Amy Thompson Paper Boat Studio 2308 ½ Cherokee

Bricks Angela Malchionno All Along Press 2712 Cherokee

SPORE Mobile Gallery, St. Louis Mythtory Kiosks SPORE’s mastermind Emily Hemeyer and historic preservation guru Michael Allen (Ecology of Absence) have joined together to create a series of semi-temporary kiosks highlighting bizarre sights and fantastic stories that make St Louis’ history nearly mythological. Kiosks will provide glimpses and directions to curiosities such as the sunken ship, hidden street car entrances, the Pruit Igo wildlife area, buried caves, and mound formations of the ancients. Prior to city-wide distribution, ten kiosks will be “hidden” throughout Cherokee Street for conference-goers to enjoy now and explore later. sporeprojects.blogspot.com

STyLe House, an In house concert by Redheaded Strangers. Red-Headed Strangers + 1500 visitors from out of town + STyLehouse = An unforgettable night on Cherokee Street. Foodstuff and adult beverages will be available at the show.

The Zeigenhein, Intangible Rivers: A Subjective History by Jessi Cerutti-

A lifelong resident of St. Louis, Jessi Cerutti explores personal memory and local history through printmaking and fiber arts in this SIUE MFA Printmaking Thesis Exhibition. Cerutti pushes the limits of the traditional print, merging ink and fiber to create objects that illustrate an accumulation of history, memory, and change. The exhibition features print and sculptural artifacts alongside installation-based works. Enjoy drinks and the music of Wolf Peach Society DJ Collective during the reception.

Rejuvenating Mexico Trip

2011-01-25T21:25:00.000-08:00

Cam and I spent the past week on an exhilarating Mexican adventure. After landing and narrowly avoiding a hotel scheme to get us to buy a time share, we took a rousing SUV cab ride into Playa del Carmen to a Bed and Breakfast named Hacienda El Sol. En route our driver relayed stories about the fast economic growth of the area and even taught us a few Mayan words he'd learned from a co-worker. Despite our late night arrival at the hostel, Hamza, our host greeted us with Grapefruit Margaritas. We talked late into the night and his wife Paula easily joined in our conversations, after she arrived late from a singing gig. We talked about how we'd arrived to meet in that moment- how they'd come to live in Mexico from Europe, why Cam and I work so much, Gypsy's, Yoga in Netherlands, and our plans for the week.

We slept sound that night and awoke to the sun filtering the windows of the room and the sound of a kid riding his skate board on the street. Stumbling down the stairs, we were happy to see a lovely breakfast complete with fresh fruit smoothie, coffee, yogurt, bread, cheese, and a hard-boiled egg. Borrowing their spare bikes, we attempted to navigate the roads in the neighborhoods of the Playa del Carmen suburbs as they gave way to the touristy international beach front. While riding, we saw houses in various states of construction using the cement and rebar technique. Along the road we saw empty lots overgrown with trees and refrigerators dumped into corners. Men worked with blow torches in a garage. Dogs barked from their yards. Women drove tricycles with kids seated on homemade bench seats made out of a 2x4. By the time we reached the highway overpass, I realized we were surrounded by other bikers on their way to work or run errands. They cruised past me as I relished that moment of briefly being a part of their daily routine. Arriving near the downtown promenade, the road shifted to become a tourist site where people were speaking all languages and walking every which way.

We wanted to locate our friends, Travis and Brooke, who were getting married. (the reason we came to Mexico) After a false lead at one hotel, we heard Travis' dad yelling "Cam" from a rooftop. We headed into the hotel and met friends who had come in from all over the U.S. to attend the wedding. Following a catchup, we headed to the rooftop to help Travis work on an Archway he had designed for his wedding. Artist mode intact, Cam and I had fun feeling useful as we painted burning hearts surrounded by water and lots of flowers.

After finishing our work, we rode back to our B and B stopping for food at a roadside restaurant where they cook in front of you. Feeling adventurous, I decided to try Mondongo, this tasty broth was surprisingly made from cow stomach. I wasn't as tough as I thought, after drinking much of the broth and a few chunks of feathery looking stomach, slightly grossed out, I concentrated on drinking my safer Choco Milk.
Back in town later that night we ate and hung out with all the new arriving visitors. A highlight was my silly challenge to Peter to have a sun salutation competition. He confidently accepted and I think we completed more than 20. I felt this in my arms for the next three days.

Friday we rode into town needing to look for a hostel as our place had prior weekend reservations. We spent the morning doing one of my favorite travel rituals; wandering. Pattern crazy fabric stores. Side streets with tourist shops promising Artesania from all over Mexico. Old men that called out to Cam, "Hey Mr. Weeeiskers, I got what you want." Designer clothing stores from Italy. Tired and wanting to escape the crowds, we ate lunch at 100% Natural, a vegetarian friendly cafe with a giant menu to match, where I had a delicious nutty veggie burger covered in grilled mushrooms.

We walked to the beach and ran into members of the wedding party. Cam joined a bunch of people in the turquoise blue water as I settled in the sand for a nap. Ahh, the sun felt like a rejuvenating antidote to the winter laziness that chased me in St. Louis. Biking home in an unfamiliar neighborhood, we tried to beat the setting sun.

That night was the rehearsal dinner and so we attempted to catch a cab downtown. Navigating pubic transit is one of my favorite things about traveling, I particularly like any situations where I encounter people who live in a place, and if I can I do my best to strike up a conversation, it could be anyone a cab driver, a passenger, a person waiting for a ride. I've been known to sing with cab drivers, I've gotten free rides, and I've learned about their families. While trying to find a taxi, we ended up in a collectivo van headed to Tres Hermanos. Earlier that day we had talked with three men at an Artesania shop that told me that they were Tres Hermanos the shoe place. ( I was looking for a pair of shoes to wear to a beach wedding. ) I figured we could definitely figure our way to the rehearsal dinner from there. "Tres Hermanos!" called out the driver, I was surprised to see that we had arrived at a two building storefront shoe store with that name, it was not the Artesania shop! Synchronicity of travel, sometimes you find a place you were looking for when you least expect it.

Back at the rehearsal dinner at Indigo we ate a yummy meal. The presentation honored the local cuisine; a bouquet of fruit on a stick, green salad topped with Caribbean fruit. My favorite was the dessert, a rice pudding infused with jasmine and garnished with honey and fresh vanilla flowers on top.

The day of the wedding Cam had to help setup the archway and prepare for his role as groomsman. Paula invited me to join her morning yoga class at The Gym. I was reminded how spectacular it feels to do yoga in a new place and connect with people through that practice. During class I felt powerful reenacting the poses I'd learned from lines of teachers before me. Emily, Ken, Kathleen, Rhonda, and all their teachers. Although I was weak in my arms and a bit embarrassed that I'd worn them out doing Show-ga those few nights ago, I was happy to challenge myself in other flexible feats and even tried to "fly" while in lotus. Paula drove me home and told me of her future plans; still singing opera, writing a book. We laughed as she'd watched Eat, Pray, Love, the night before and I mused that she was basically living that novel in her own style. I was sad to say goodbye to their hospitality and engaging conversations.

I relocated our stuff to our new hostel; Casa Tucan and then took myself on a little walking adventure to eventually seek lunch, a place to write, and that pair of wedding sandals. At the Cafe, my mind flooded with remembering- past loves in Mexico, a heart I had broken, people I had traveled with, senses, smells, and memories that had been dormant until this return trip. There in that space forgetting what language to speak feeling Spain self, Mexican self, South American self, wondering what to call them when housed in a Gringa from the States. Looking at people around me, I questioned if they ever felt moved enough to write. Beyond these thoughts there was a deep sigh of arriving that felt so clear. How could I keep this sense of travel?- the lightness of my bag, the immediacy and intimacy of my conversations, the sense of wonder.

With great haste, I walked to Travis and Brooke's Condo to change and catch the wedding bus. We rode out to Club Blue Cacao and were received by the blue blue ocean, split and enclosed by the archways we had built and a small arrangement of chairs. The light was perfect just before dusk and it was slightly cloudy so it was cool.

Travis and Brooke had a meaningful wedding that was built around the involvement of their friends. A close friend married them, Musician friends played songs, I read a Mayan wedding prayer, and another friend read a bit of Dante's Inferno. After they kissed, a mariachi group began to play and then continued to entertain us as the wedding party took photos. We moved into the enclosed reception patio just as rain started. Drinks and dances later we headed inside to eat. Scalloped Chicken, papaya salad, fresh bread, creamy mashed potatos. mmmm. Travis and Brooke cut a Tres Leches and chocolate cake then we returned to the patio to dance. As the night became more raucous people danced in the swimming pool and a group of wild souls, my self included, went for an ocean swim in our wedding clothes. On the bus ride back home people danced up and down the aisle. I hope that the festivity of the wedding might represent all the joyful years the bride and groom have ahead of them.

Waking up late the next morning, Cam and I pondered what kind of adventure we could have, as we had already missed the buses for many day trips, that left in the early morning.
Six years earlier I had traveled around Mexico by myself and culminated my trip by visiting the Centro Ecologico, a turtle refuge in Akumal, Mexico, that allowed individuals to stay there in exchange for volunteer work and a small donation. This site was both a highlight and a low point on my previous trip. I had been moved to tears by my first experience snorkeling there as I saw an incredible amount of reef life. Then that night I was debilitated by a frightening painful sickness made even scarier by my being alone in a secluded town. Realizing that such dramatic experiences had tinged my viewpoint of this place, I was curious about how the town had changed in relation to my memory and the booming tourist expansion.

Arriving in Akumal, I was surprised about how many new buildings there were, while also relieved that it had somehow maintained a quaint atmosphere. Trying to orient myself, I looked for the room where I had stayed. Where was the center? We located the center and then I looked at the beach that was no longer desolate, but now surrounded by condos and sunbathers. We rented bikes and rode out to a lagoon that I had not been able to see my first stay there. The ride was sunny, animals darted across the bumpy road intersecting with puddles and the occasional car. At the end of the road we arrived at the lagoon, paid the park fee, and rented snorkeling equipment. Suiting up, we headed towards the water and as we entered the water we were already stunned by the amount of fish life that we saw within our reach.

I enjoyed having Cam identify all the fish around us and liked watching him diver under to try and see a fish closer. I myself attempted to become a part of schools of fish; swimming after them only to be left behind. We swam for several hours and eventually headed towards the ocean and coral. Less fish so we turned around. The only moment I felt scared was when I realized that I had swam into a shallow passage of small jellyfish. I escaped by awkwardly climbing on some rocks. Finally getting cold because of the setting sun and also needing to use the bathroom, we climbed out of the water. We explored the rocky landscape stopping to examines the sculptures that had been interspersed among the shifting stones and patches of trees.

Back at the center of Akumal, I snapped photographs still trying to locate the place I had stayed. We stopped to eat some appetizers at a newly built restaurant and from my seat, I recognized the building I had stayed, now disguised behind tall bushes. Walking near the building I located the phone I had used to call my mom in my scariest moment. It all seemed rather plain and old fashioned now. The center of the town housed a basketball court that had been empty my previous visit, it was now occupied by a craft shop. Inside we met a woman that crafted beaded jewelry and I bought a pair of earring that matched my top for around $3.

Tired from our day, we walked back to the highway to try and catch a bus. A few minutes into our wait a collectivo pulled up, the door opened revealing many people who worked at the hotels some even dressed in traditional indigenous outfits. We climbed in and got to experience the post work pick up and drop off, car pool Yucatan style. We showed up just in time to reach the wedding crew for dinner on the beach complete with fire performers and shared foods. Its fun to eat dinner with my feet buried in the sand.

A long line at the ATM the next morning, followed by a hurried breakfast, a fast walk to ABYSS the SCUBA shop, and a plea to change our snorkel reservation into a scuba dive, only to learn that we would have a better dive if we went the following day. Deciding we wanted a complete dive experience, we headed to the bus stop to see if we could reach the COBA ruins.

All signs said COBA was unreachable after 10am although I thought that we could find a way if we took a bus to Tulum which was near the turnoff for COBA. We road the bus to Tulum, another location I'd stayed six year ago and then walked from the bus stop to the Coba road turn off. The road was unfamiliar to me and I could not place this booming street built around the high way with my minds memory of a small town with a gravel road. Reaching a roadside restaurant surrounded by Taxis, I asked a Taxi how much to Coba, some negotiating and conversations later, we agreed to ride out to COBA with him and take a bus ride back. With our window down the cool air whippped our faces and cooled the sweat we'd amassed from walking in the sun. Little cafes and artesania shops surrounded the roads, now closed in the afternoon, following the busy tourist morning.

When we reached the COBA ruins we were told that we had an hour to explore so we ought to head to the big pyramid. Walking through the woods, men driving bikes offered to give us rides to the big pyramid warning us again that we had better hurry. The time of the day suited me as it was cooler and the light was trickling through the leaves of the trees. They reminded me of sun light in river birches in the Missouri river bottom land. The great pyramid was large, not as large as say Teotihuacan, but still a worthy climb. Using the "zig zag" technique we quickly arrived at the top beating those doing the "strait up climb with rope assistance". The view at the top was amazing you could see across all the tree tops and get a peek at a river in the distance, the clouds made dynamic white shaped compositions in the sky.

Back on the ground, we wondered among ancient basketball courts and early painted structures now faded due to time and weather. On the path surrounded by trees, Cam shot a picture of me and framed it just like a drawing I had just completed that was based on a postcard from the Czech Republic. Was I meant to be here? Was I now the figure on the card?

Searching for the bus stop, we luckily spotted an ATM so we could afford to buy both our tickets and a shared meal. We ate a Yucattan style prepared fish wrapped in a banana leaf, it was excellent. Post food -we sat in front of the bus station on lawn chairs and watched the town respond to the end of the day. I completed the sketch below of another palapa (thatched roof) restaurant. People of all ages gave each other rides on the back of bikes. Children ran to the convenience store loading up on snacks. Mothers pushed babies in strollers. Laborers walked and rode home from work. Grandmas ambled up and down the street stopping to chat with other people seated outside. An hour passed until the bus arrived, Cam and I climbed into the packed bus and located seats apart. I feel asleep to the rain of air conditioner condensation misting my face.

Arriving in Playa, we met up with Travis and Brooke, to celebrate their last night in town. We spent the night walking around the neighborhoods stopping to eat pizza at an Italian Restaurant, gazing in the windows of store fronts slowly closing, and finally walking the beach at night one last time before they left.

The next day we said goodbye to Travis and Brooke after sharing brunch with them. Then Cam and I headed to the Scuba shop to get ready for our diving adventure. After watching a video from the 80's with funny but helpful instructions like, "Breathe Normally", we tried on our wet suits and went to the hotel pool. Our instructor Cathy went over the equipment with us and I felt fine until we submerged into the water. Underwater she signed to us and we tried to demonstrate the skills she had shown us. A few minutes into the water I felt super panicky and I signed for her to come up.
"What's wrong?" she said.
"I feel like I am getting too much air!", I answered.
She laughed and said "I am more worried about the opposite".
Her laughter reassured me so I went back under water and completed the skills still a little uncertain if I could remember it all and complete the dive.

We climbed through a rocky beach to reach the boat and then hoisted ourselves inside. We talked with another diver who was excited to be completing his certification that afternoon after a rough dive the previous day due to diarhea and nausea from the boat ride. The boat ride out was choppy, but the site of massive turquoise water and the ability to gain the perspective of the town from the viewpoint of the ocean was well worth any bumps. When it was time to dive into the water Cathy showed us the procedure with such confidence and ease that by the time we were underwater, I had barely realized we had already reached the bottom.

It was breathtaking under water. With snorkeling I always had the view looking down at a world below me now suddenly I was immersed and surrounded by fish and sea life. While we begin to swim the little mermaid song played in my mind as I began to notice all the fish and sea urchins. Cathy was quick to point out new fish to us and would sign or show us their quirky behaviors. Fish that appeared to always be sleeping. Eels that looked like little seaweed and would pull into the sand like something out of Avatar. Giant sea turtles eating from plant life on the ocean floor. Eagle Spotted Rays with their little winged arms moving like a creature flying through the water. Giant schools of fish the spiraled in double helix forms moving with such unison that they kept their form and it was nearly impossible to follow the path of a single fish. We were the aliens in their world and they could care very little who or what we were. No sooner had the dive begun and it was over. Back on the boat, the man getting certified complimented Cam and I, saying how peaceful we made the experience and how much he thought we were natural divers.
Needles to say Cam and I decided to go on another dive with them. This time underwater I felt more comfortable. I let go of my grip on my respirator and confidently glided under water like Ester Williams with gills in an astronaut suit.

How can I explain this? When I was thirteen I was convinced that there was nothing I wanted more than to be a marine biologist- to swim among fish and to protect their way of life. I developed this romantic dream out of my love of swimming and my 90's environmentalism. It was an odd thing to consider since I'd grown up landlocked with minimal experiences in the ocean save vacations. By the time I had to chose a college, I had only picked schools near the ocean, in line with this dream, but finally opted to go to a state school after having a realization that perhaps I was more of an artist than a scientist. So it was like rejoining my thirteen year old self with my 33yrd old self.

Being underwater in a coral reef is like entering a strange amazing ecosystem. Wonder, imagination, is activated by the animated sea life. A giant moray eel ducks his head in and out of a cave- a strange frightening creature just as scared of me. As I kneel on the ocean floor little fish enter into my moving hair and nibble at my scalp like I am giant plant. I can't think of a more convincing experience as to why we need to protect our oceans than experiencing this bizaare and wonderful world.

Coming back onto land I felt more connected to Playa del Carmen, to the environment. We met up with Kyle, another wedding attendee, to say our food goodbyes to Mexico. Tacos from a hole in the wall near our hostel, licuados at our favorite dig, elote near the park where bats flew, and finally some shared empanadas and steak at an Argentinian restaurant. We bought our goodbye souvenirs, walked, and then talked late into the night. We awoke in the morning to start our long journey home.

Looking back on this trip I feel an internal peacemaking with myself. The first time I made the trip to Mexico I impulsively decided to travel by myself. Don't get me wrong, I wanted the empowering adventure of doing it on my own. Alone I could do much less if I wanted to be safe and so I relied on my gut instinct, no adventuring at night, and the occasional kindness of strangers as travel partners. As fun as it was, I ended that trip sick and then eventually breaking someone's heart. Now on this trip with a partner I loved, I was able to travel with confidence and ease and share that with someone that also loved to discover and try new things. I was able to make new memories of this place through a lovely wedding. I highly recommend traveling to this area for anyone wanting an easy mid range affordable vacation with a lot of outdoor adventure, tasty food, and plenty of people willing to help you navigate the vicinity.

Here back in the U.S. I write this with a sort of melancholy. I write this because I wish to hold on and remember this trip particularly now as I enter a stressful period of job working. This trip helped me to connect to dreams I have inside to travel for a longer period of time, to do volunteer work, to see places I have not yet, to learn to scuba dive. Here I am bound by a schedule of commitments that I made previously and that I will see through. Meanwhile inside, I am ready for a slower life, one with more travel, more art, and less commitments. This is the bittersweet nature of Campbells' hero's adventure; how to integrate the experiences, insight, and growth from a trip into an individual's daily life. How to make way and space for the new self and tomorrow's adventure.

Thanks for All the Work this Year!

2010-12-26T19:51:00.000-08:00

This recent writing is part 1 about All the work I am thankful for.

Live as an Artist Project continued.....
What Have Others Done to Live as an Artist

Had a gallery that supported them.
Lived with Roommates.
Lived Cheaply.
Made Art in Spurts.
Food stamps Cafe.
Commissions.
Lived on Credit Cards.
Figured out a way to sell a lot of work cheap (mass production).
Waited while career grew.
Was Discovered.
Sold Art.
Work Trade.
Sold another commodity.
Residencies.
Worked lots of jobs.
Temporary Work.
Had a sugar daddy or momma.
G.I. Bill
WPA
Changed what kind of work they made.
Lied about credentials.
Teacher Full time.
Art Worked on the Job.
Had another money making job.
Supported by someone or thing else.
Made their work a part of their job.
Lived on a Commune

Possible Alternate Profession List (that I can think of friends who have worked them):
Urban Planner
School Administrator
Studio Assistant
Print Shop
Yoga Teacher
Calendar Maker
Designed Greeting Cards
Bookmaking Co.
Installer
Installation
Architect
Interior Design
Animator
Photographer
Journalist
Wedding Photographer
T-Shirt Co.
Worked in Gallery
After School Teacher
Tinkerer
Web Design
Web Programmer
Gardener
Teacher
Graphic Designer
Set Designer
Videographer
Waitress
Salesman
Odd Jobs
Cabinet Maker
Rehabber
Filmmaker
Advertising Exec.
Worked for a mainstream crafty megopolis like Mary Englebreit or Martha Stewart.

Have been fortunate enough this year to have held down many interesting part time jobs.

One regular gig that I have had for the past four years, has been the art teacher at Marian Middle School. I received this positions through SCOSAG my official title is "Visiting Artist" but I am essentially the schools regular art teacher. I've posted earlier about the many reasons that I love this job, in addition to the incredible students, it has been regular work for me these past several years. I don't have to worry about any of the adjunct drama of -"will i get a class and what kind?"

This initial position led to work during the summer as an art teacher and even during the year as an after-school art club teacher. This winter the art club worked on Set Design with Cam and I. It was a fast and intense project as we tried to prepare the set in a few weeks. The set was for the Grinch. Here are some of the results.

What I already know about Art

2010-12-12T19:24:00.000-08:00

Here is my next "Live as an Artist" Brain storm

What I already know about Art

Art changes every year.
Dare to do it differently.
Is Young
Can be discovered at any age.
Is Fickle
Takes Risks
You Don't always get Credit.
Art is related to status.
Art Booths are tiring.
Hard to keep going.
Starving Artist
Work with those around u.
There appear to be many different people living off partial incomes from art.
Have other careers and do art on side.
Don't hold grudges.
Many artists don't have health care.
Keep your integrity.
Don't spread rumors.
If you are cool, you may have more ease selling.
Use your connections.
Its hard for a new artist to sell large expensive work.
Color and abstract sells cause it matches couches.
Installations don't make much money.
Try, try, try again.
You never know when you'll get a show.
Be a life learner.
Get advice from your contacts.
Don't bother with vanity galleries or shows with exorbitant fees.
Peoples work value can escalate after they die.
An MFA just means you can teach college it doesn't mean you'll get a full time job.
Share your work with people around you.
Falling can be deafening and makes for a selfish, insecure, backstabbing artist.
Build Community.
Sometimes you just have to ask to start selling things or to make money.
Create your own events and openings.
You can be on top one day and on bottom the next.
It helps if you have something to sell.
Can be a fluke.
In a gallery you often receive 50% commission on a sold artwork.
Is what has not been done or has been remade in a smart way.
Successful designers were involved in multiple fields.
Can involve education.
Can have many different forms.
Art is an event attractor.
Many teachers give up.
Be enthusiastic.

Please post if you have any to add on!

I've spent almost one week sick. One week in which I have not been able to take off work because it has been Finals at the community college where I teach. My main strategy for the first couple of days was to take it easy during the evenings and skip my workouts. I tried to continue on with an optimistic mind over body attitude while trying to heal myself with Emergen-c, oranges, ginger tea, cough syrup, and sleep. I briefly thought I was getting better only to feel terrible; dehydrated, headachey and full of snot, on Saturday morning. I had a day full of activities planned. Cam convinced me to cancel all of them and just stay in and rest. The hardest thing for me about being sick is I don't have time to be sick! I felt guilt about all the activities I was missing, shows, workshops, working out.. Being sick on a Saturday is particularly hard as that is usually a fun day. Thank god for PBS which kept me engaged, as I graded, with its world documentaries on the disappeared in Argentina and Sudanese Refugees.

Today, I thankfully woke up feeling the best I've felt in days! Only the ground was covered in snow which essentially meant two days shut in my house. I started it out right by painting for a few hours. Then I got to hang out with Mina, my four year old friend, and we made Shrinky Dinks. I made a shrinky dink version of Cam and he was ostracized by a collection of unicorns toys only to be accepted by them at the end after he held a stellar birthday party for a unicorn.

Then off to the studio for a couple of hours to help the real Cam with set pieces for Marian Middle School's Christmas Play. Cam is visiting artist to the art club I am leading there after school. More pictures to follow of sets!

Synectics: How is trying to live as an artist like trying to follow the American Dream?

2010-11-28T18:17:00.000-08:00

Both want to be happy.
Both would like a healthy life.
Both want diversity and to see other places.
Both like to be in charge of their spaces.
Both are interested in freedom of expression and getting by.

Being an artist= Live the American Dream
If everyone was an artist it would be a part of what we trade and thus be more valuable.

Brainstorms for the "Live as an Artist" Project vs. "Work of Art"

2010-11-21T15:39:00.001-08:00

After my last posting, I was mysteriously contacted by the Show "Work of Art", they asked me to try out for the show. At that time I was broke having not been paid for working for awhile. I like to take opportunities as they come, but am also trying to avoid going in unnecessary debt while between pay checks. Initially I questioned going on the show as I thought certainly I would be portrayed as some sort of crazy artist. I emailed a few friends and they thought it might be worth it to try out. I begin to think if I was on the show at least I could share my view points on community and collaborative practice, something I don't see as much on their show. When I went to look at their application, I realized there were a few things that didn't work for me. Namely that they wanted you to be able to take off large ambiguous chunks of time. They couldn't say when on the application. As an artist teaching several jobs, I would lose by bread and butter if I took off three weeks at random. This was discouraging, in addition I would have had to leave town in less than two weeks for 2-3 days just for the tryouts. I figured there was enough going against the opportunity that I would have to let it go.

A few days later while looking at the RFT "Best of" Awards, I realized that I had selected for Best Local Artist. In that moment, I felt a lot of gratitude to be chosen and also a sense of peace that I had been given an award based on the history of my collaborative practices in St. Louis. This left me satisfied with the pace of life knowing that at times the old phrase, when one door closes another opens, can be true.

Since then, I've been teaching and art working a lot, possibly more than I like as its slowed me down on things like writing reflection. Nonetheless I've been doing some art writing about the "live as an artist" project and will share some results below.

1. What situation bothers you?
I don't see the universe providing for me to be an artist or I need more money to cover my bills and live the life I want; which includes medical care, travel, and time to make art.

Brainstorms:
a. What's In it for Me. Living a fulfilled life with a career I like. Wish to be paid like a teacher. Recognition. Boundless Energy. Life Career. Recognition. self Esteem. Holistic Life.

b. I don't want to accept this problem because...vs. Habitbreakers
I will have to get out of my comfort zone. vs. Once I try something it gets easers.
I may face a difficult struggle w/o guidance. vs. I will be making my own way and that is an adventure.
It will bring into question my relationship with the divine. vs. Acceptance is a positive trait.
It make me wonder if I should be an artist. vs. I decide that.
It looks like a lot of work. vs. I'll see once I get started.

c. Who can help me solve this problem? Past Artists, trusted teachers, friends, family.
d. What has already been tried to solve this problem? Website, applying to residencies, working lots of jobs, saving money, applying to teaching jobs, commissions, working at arts organizations.
e. What are my resources and what is required? Wash U, monthly income, critcal mass, parents, friends, past art institutions.
f. Where can information be found? Online, in classes, books, others stories.
g. What is total scope of this problem? Giant- my life.
h. Which limits can I control? My actions, out of my control-how others respond.
i. Conformity: become the problem.
Clothes-painty outfits like habit.
Language-art theory.
Favorite place-art bar or gallery.
Food-Stamps.
Song-Johnathan Richmon.

j. I am the victim. I don't choose to be an artist and if I'm an unhappy mother teacher friend I end up killing myself or I create generations of arthaters that destroy masterworks and we end up in a militaristic dictatorship w/o art.

k. How can I make this more valuable? Travel is a project.

l. Priorities Matrix
1. Demands of problem. Cost=a lot. Time=my life Stress=tons. Other Demands work, being a girlfriend, staying in shape, paying bills, other projects, studio.

m. Bad imagining- imagine i am responsible for balancing the books of a corrupt huge corporation. Ugh. Way worse.

n. Analogy: How does a Door accept people?
1) it opens wide.
2) it has it hinges oiled so it can turn well.
3) it has a knob that can be turned.
4) it has locks to let certain people in and out.
5) it has windows so we can be aware of who approaches.

o. Give it Up- Try to make $ from art or just make stuff and only do it when I'm not working w/o guilt.

p. What's holding me back? Fear of being a self promoter. Fear of not being ready or good enough. Fear of rejection. Fear of self worth. Guilt. Not believing I deserve to be supported. Not thinking I contribute significantly.

r. Can the rules be changed? Yes and No. Probably certain society modes and system but I can always do things my own way and see what happens.

s. What is allowed---> complaining, trial and error, doing something different, unconventional plans trade and What is ruled out?---> giving up, doing things the same, work that would make me more miserable, guilt.

In summary and reflection looking back at this list while thinking about the show I see: The root of my conflict with the TV show is that it misses the mark in recognizing that an actual artist has to respond to all the crap of life and figure out how to work, play, love amongst it. A three week period reality show makes not a lifelong artist. Its all about how the manure makes the roses.

Learning to love to Draw

2010-09-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

Last week I was moaning about my struggles to live and survive as an artist. This has by no means subsided however, as Robert suggested in the comments there is a sort of gift to being able to pursue a creative career. In addition I'd like to express some gratitude that in a way I have found two passions at a rather early age, whereas I hear of people discovering their life work later in life.

In addition to my art practice, one of my other life works is a as teacher and I gotta say that I find it to be an extremely fulfilling endeavor. As you know I work several jobs at one time. One of my very favorite jobs is my position as visiting artist/teacher at Marian Middle School. I work with a group of girls from every neighborhood in St. Louis and from all sorts of backgrounds. I am struck again and again by their enthusiasm for art and the supportive encouragement they give me. When ever I go to school I hear excitedly "do we have art today?". Each day I am guaranteed to be gifted a couple of hugs or a "you look pretty". People give middle schoolers a bad rap I think. When I tell people I work at a middle school quite often I hear "that must be hard". I find them to be engaging, questioning, and honest. I am totally rewarded with all the times they go into the zone while working on a project and then actually complain that class goes by two fast! At my school you have to earn respect and now in year 3.5 teaching there, I can really say that they have taught me as much about how to be an effective teacher as I have taught them about art. These days no matter what else is going on with my art career, I leave Marian with a smile.

After three years teaching design classes at Jeffco, I am also proud to say that I am teaching my first official college drawing class on my own, and I find it to be about the most fascinating endeavor I have had in a long time. I put in time teaching the beginning adjunct's requisite "Art Appreciation", which I enjoyed although I have to say that it was not second nature to me. With drawing I find that I go into a sort of teaching zone when I am working with the students. Beginning Drawing is especially fascinating because of all the mental blocks that I get to go up against; the mind's eye, perfectionism, laziness. As I prepare for the class I imagine how the lessons will build on top of each other. I notice practices and tricks that I use that are ingrained, but that I too once learned in a drawing class.

Image by Amy Cutler

In truth, throughout college I had a love hate relationship with drawing because I went to a school where life drawing/observation drawing was emphasized over any sort of playful geeky drawing-(Johanson, Shrigley, Cutler, Dzama), like I now see in books like Vitamin D. (Drawing is one area where I sometimes think thank God for conceptual art). My own perfectionism was often a roadblock to developing a drawing hand that I felt comfortable with and in addition I remember one of the most talented sort of playful image makers (Sarah B.)not receiving the sort of support I thought she deserved for her wacky fantastic drawings.

At grad school I was able to really come to peace with drawing as I TA'd for Mary Borgman, who I consider to be about the best drawing teacher alive and I got to watch my boyfriend draw. These two worked in very opposite manners but each of them inspired my own practice. Mary Borgman broke drawing down to such specific tricks, that I realized I could draw anything I needed to. Meanwhile Cam drew and composed almost completely from his head and he taught me to do the same. Combining these practices has been important to how I build drawings and paintings today. When teaching beginning drawing I realize that the observational drawing goals of that class are really just tool building for whatever later practices may occur. Also watching a drawing come to life as the teacher is akin to watching a time lapse video, just marvelous.

The upside of living as an artist is having small fulfilling jobs and in these jobs being able to experience the sort of life learning that happens as a teacher.

the not so starving artist project

2010-08-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking that one of this biggest problems in my life right now is how to live as an artist and be able to have a successful career, access to health care, opportunity to travel, and have relationships/family/home. Perhaps it is because I am feeling blue today because I'm in one of those financially rocky moments where it seems like all I do is work only to watch all my income slip away to bills. Despite my two plus jobs, grant, trades, and occasional art income or odd jobs, I can barely keep afloat. When I have that feeling of sinking I just begin to question why doesn't the universe provide and then subsequently should I even pursue this crazy endeavor of being an artist. Teachers rarely talk about this sort of stuff at school because even that is a pyramid system in which they could be knocked off any minute and that relies on students buying into the idea that some day they might make it. Anyhow the most interesting and honest thing I can offer to the world right now is my attempts to resolve and process this problem.

Mental Writings at traffic lights

2010-08-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

Words pour into my mind to post to this blog while I am sitting at traffic lights. I write in my journal, what bothers me, and who I strive to be. I feel unable to post recent things to the web perhaps because they are insecure, or critical, or too raw to share publicly in this format. Which leads me to muse over the purpose of my blog. When I started I wanted to use it as a public reflection about my projects and journey for artistic experiences. You the reader are privy to my own voice within that writing, a voice that is nonetheless edited. I try not to post things that I wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone reading or be able to stand behind. Still I saw a funny poster that said Bloggers-so much to say, so little people to actually read it.

What do I get out of this? The ability to share my adventures with distant friends and family whom I don't get to speak with regularly, a chance to share a bit of my perspective with new friends or art supporters, a space to highlight specialness around me. Alright so mentally I haven't discontinued this blog. But perhaps I feel I do owe any readers a catch up on my summer, as it has ended and I am back at school again.

1. Hardest thing of this summer was that I faced my inner weight demon and critic of body image and joined weight watchers. This has led me to lose, as of today, 15 lbs. I am proud of myself because as someone who grew up with an eating disorder, watched a friend die from it, and then decided to never restrict my food habits again, I've finally been able to approach my food with a healthy balanced easy attitude. Plus I am comfortable in my body for one of the first times in my life.

2. Worked and worked so more. Taught animation classes and a summer Girl Power program at my middle school. I have been teaching at these institutions for a while so I am excited that I can focus on the effectiveness and style of my teaching over discipline and understanding that age level.

3. Trips. Went to South Carolina, D.C., and New York to see friends and look at art. Ended my summer by visiting friends in Chicago.

4. Project Closure and New Beginnings. Spoke at a Pecha Kucha and was able to prepare all my parade research in a culminating presentation. Lyndsey and I worked on completing a Parade Zine and mailing out all our parade thank yous. Received a grant from Critical Mass that will enable me to begin telling the Kirkwood Shooting Story.

5. Athleticism. Joined a weight lifting class for women and learned I was genetically strong. Kick ass.

6. Connected with friends and family at family reunion and in a visit with Cam's Dad and his girlfriend Deanne. Students from UK- Ming and Alex visited.

7. Wasted time looking for deleted files on my hard drive and watching CSI shows.

8. Continued to be fascinated with a family of Mourning Doves that have made a home near my house and sing to me for food.

9. Began to plan for Community Art Projects for SGC printmaking conference in March of 2011.

10. Kept dreaming of foreign travel, putting pennies in my savings account when I could.

Art in a Weekend and Girl Groups

2010-06-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

Art in a weekend.
Two weeks ago Cam and I had the pleasure of hosting two of our UK students in St. Louis. I learned that it was possible to check out an immense number of St. Louis shows in two days. Which means people if you aren't going out to shows and you are missing them its probably your fault.

Fri night-Brandon Anschulz at Laumeier a truly painting alchemical experience.
Saturday- CAMSTL to share Great Rivers with them.
White Flage to see Trova Show.
ML Kemper to see the Thesis Show.
William Gass' to see Jason Wallace Triefenbach documentation of performance.
PSTL for his work as well.
RAC for Fluxus Show coordinated by Keith Bucholdz.
Sheldon art galleries.
Finally ending with the City Museum at midnight.

Last weekend we checked out Tom Dykas at Craft Alliance and Nick Lang at Mad Art.
This past Saturday went to a fanstastic Shangri-La's cover band. Annah of Bangerrang and Larva were two of the four female singers that covered old girl group classics at the Old Bat Cave aka. Gary Passanise studio. Most exciting was that they were backed by a band that included saxophone, piano, guitar, drums, xylophone, bass, and I think violin. If you did not know this about me I am a huge fan of girl group sounds. What a fun performance that I wish I could join!

Summer Vacation

2010-06-16T11:15:00.001-07:00

Following the parade and the end of my middle school year- I took a two week vacation. Here are some of the highlights.

-Riding bikes and swimming at Folly Beach S.C.
-Gullah Bus Tour in Charleston, S.C.
-Nick Cave/ Phyllis Galumbo opening as part of Spoletto Festival South Carolina.
-Playing arcade games with my brother.
-Painting with my family hanging out around me.
-List Show and Folk Art at National Portrait Gallery with Friend Amy.
-Ethiopian Food in D.C.
-Cooking a vegetarian BBQ for Memorial Day.
-Visionary Artist Museum in Maryland.
-Mamma Anderson and Jockum Nordstrum exhibit at David Zwirner Gallery
-P.S.1 the space, the greater New York show, well parts of it, all was not great.
-Brent Green Exhibit NYC.
-Watching kids square dance in a park in Greenpoint.
-Spoonbill Bookstore Brooklyn.
-Korean BBQ with Friend Tina.
-BCBG Outlet store where I found fantastic dress and jeans (so what i love clothes and am always broke).
-Walking all around the city for 6 hours.
-People watching at Central Park and especially people watching at Strawberry Fields where a new guitarist strolled up every 1/2 hour to play a Beatles song. Cheesy but I kind of hope this goes on forever.
-Returning home broke but with a sense that I was happy where I was and that I could change anything in my life if I decided to do so.

Characters Animating the Streets

2010-05-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

photo by Ann Maree Walker

In the parade we become characters animating the streets. We are breathing life into the bricks and arched windows like eyebrows. We are calling on neighbors to come out of their homes and show their faces to celebrate with us. Over on Utah and Nebraska We are bringing art to spaces that it may not always tap.

We Made It! We did it!

Year Two of the People's Joy Parade succeeded without bad weather or drama.
Prior to the parade I was filled with anxiety…Would people show up to watch, to participate.? How do I make sure everyone feels appreciated thanked, recognized. This year was bigger than last year an estimated 350 people marched up from last years 200, not to fail to mention the several thousand watching. Now I have this great sense of relief and space. Ahhhhh.

Thoughts on this years parade.

CAMP Collaborative
This year the parade officially partnered with CAMP as a fiscal sponsor. This collaboration has been exciting as it also allowed me to view a day to day glimpse into the workings of their program. There are several different facets to CAMP. It is a house /intentional community currently consisting of Lyndsey S., Irene Compadre, Ian Schlake, Queen Bee, and Jenny Shriner. Each of these people seem to have an interest in community building that is further evident in their personal projects; Cherokee Real Garden, Bike Shop, Arts Space, and Finder’s Hive Art Supply. Primarily because they live together they are able to keep a low overhead and have been able to do this work.
camp residents from Queen Bee

Depending on the day CAMP has a different activities including yoga, conversational Spanish, open studios, Grace Space girls program, and green party meetings. Two things I love about hanging out with CAMP residents has been their flexibility and willingness to share. They were very patient about all the parade works in progress occupying their back yard and lower level. It seems like whenever I end up helping there I end being fed.

The CAMP residents and regulars rallied together to support the parade and that was very inspiring for me. Digger a board member helped with the Gigante Workshop and assisted with the space during Costume Shop and pre-parade hours. Jenny Shriner and Queen Bee both helped with the Footbeat Choir. Jenny also supported the costume shop and helped get Gigantes. Irene and Ian worked with the Cherokee Real Garden to make costumes. Lyndsey ran grace space in addition to all her outreach work in the community as we tried to extend the parade invitation.

Ups and downs of artist collabs. What it feels like….One of the hardest things for me about organizing the parade is writing the press releases. It is hard to get a clear confirmation from people for an event that is voluntary. Even after a series of conversations or an email that they are going to do it, a person might not show. On the other hand there are individuals that always show but never really r.s.v.p. If I can’t at this point pay artists to participate, I at the very least can be sure to try and get participants press. One thing I have to learn is not to take the no-shows personally. Intellectually, I realize that everybody has a lot going on and that schedules change but it is hard for me not to feel sad when the night before someone emails me and cancels. I also don’t like looking like I can’t keep my word in the face of the general public.

Art Stars I guess though for every no show there is also a individual/group that goes above and beyond. Galen is consistently one of those individuals. Each year he takes it upon himself to develop a couple of entries into the parade that are usually memorable and accessible conceptual like works of art. This year it was Cinco De Volvo a procession of Volvo owners each dressed in a way that reflected their relationship to their car. Then there was Galen’s band on a float. They played their heart out wearing giant foam masks made by Mike Stasny as they traveled down the street.

photo by Queen Bee
Other standouts for me were Robert Van Dillen’s costumes, he is someone I wish to collaborate with in the future. I know that he worked with Bob Kramer Marionettes and there is an inventiveness and craft to his costumes that consistently impresses me.
photo by Cheri Hoffmann

Wesley Fordyce went above and beyond with this Gigante building. He created two cabezudos, one giant devil puppet, and built the framework for my whale costume.

Bob Hartzell was a rockstar at the costume shop. He focused his attention on building a rocket with Jermaine. His collaboration inspires me to think about future potential projects with the parade. Like month long youth artist pairings to generate costumes.

The Carmen Mirandas were a fiery fun group or red hat ladies in fabulous Miranda inspired costumes complete with fruit built onto baseball hats.
CAMPERS represented (see above pic)
Queen Bee was true to the song that inspired her costume “Brick House” turning a box into a sexy work of art. Jenny S. made a fantastic Marie Antoinette-esque headdress. Not to forget Ian and Irene's heavy/light shopping cart butterfly and flower power costumes.

Ann Maree Walker- costume maker extraordinaire brought a troupe of dressed friends. photo from Ann Maree Walker
How can you not love Laura Mart and her willingness to get her fabulous, taken to the top, art costumes out into the street!

photo by Queen Bee
I am really proud of the Grace Space Girls Dragon. Lyndsey Scott built the dragon with regular students in her Grace Space after school all girls Program. The day of the parade 15 girls showed up to help carry and walk the dragon, a piece that was fantastically collaborative. Also I was thrilled to see how the quilt was temporarily remade into the body of the dragon.

History of Parade
A brief calendar.
Seeds of the parade our sown among many different people. I've been thinking about how among many of my friends we have this ongoing interest in performative interventions that shakeup and bring laughter or transformation to the people around us.

May 2009 People’s Joy Parade Year 1

November 2008 Dia de los Muertos Parade
Peat, Minerva, Mark, Kelsey, Jason, Celia, Rebecca, Mike, Lyndsey,Sarah, Emily H.

“i remember the fire truck and peat joining and 'making it real' in that larger-vehicle inclusion, i remember espeically the ganesha clearing the way, and altares with LEZ”-Lyndsey

May 2008 - Cinco de Mayo informal procession. Lyndsey, Sarah, mark p, dan huck, ryan wiley, Drew, Hannah, Rebecca, Emily H., my brother Billy, andrew & his lady, patrick ritch was video'ing,

"i remember isi jackson from piano shop came to get her face painted, two ladies i met on the street who moved (jokers).... who else?" Lyndsey
-- We hugged the Cherokee and had a brief pedestrian parade around the dance stage. Afterwords we stayed and danced like crazy.

November 2007 dia de los muertos vigil with the fire circle and kelsey's shrine backdrop -- Shared stories of loss around a fire.

May 2006 Cinco de Mayo Cherokee Treasure Hunt Family Portrait. " you painted beuatiful portraits at the lot during temporary mural project, the foam that shirley wallace removed. and at PARKING DAYS" -Lyndsey..

May 2003 Casa Loma Mural with Southside Catholic Community Services inaugurated on Cinco de Mayo. "i know for me the dancing muralla by CASA loma is the community/interactive TOUchSTone * * * * /cornerstone...."-Lyndsey

What I am learning:

This year one of our goals we to get the invitation out and this I think was one of our successes. We visited Roosevelt, Southside Community Services, and flyered the neighborhood. We networked at the Convening. We posted our calls online, on doors. In streets….We approached panaderias, neighborhood bodegas, hair salons, galleries, art spaces. We dressed pretty, spoke in Spanish, and tried to make clear the welcome. We called colleges and emailed high schools.

In our door to door adventures, we learned that the neighbors on Nebraska, Utah, and Iowa had discovered the parade last year with joy and enthusiasm.

I am already brainstorming next year
I want to see skateboards, wheel chairs, more artist collaborations. Floats about local businesses. What about Nick Cave the costume artist as grand marshall? Drum lessons for local kids. Thriller dancers. Performances at Iowa and Cherokee. A Band sponsorship program.

Special thanks to Travis and Brooke who helped me make our rocking People's Joy Shirts and kept me calm the night before the parade.

What I wish I could have built as a Kid.

2010-04-16T15:34:00.001-07:00

One of the best shows I've seen in the season thus far was made by B.J. Vogt at Boots Contemporary Art Space. B.J. is this years artist for the pedestrian project. The pedestrian project has the intention of creating artworks in the window of Boots that are viewable from the street and general public walking by on Cherokee Street. Approaching the window of Boots, I first viewed a giant volcano that reminded me of ones that I built as a child. However this volcano is made from packing peanuts and had apparently erupted packing peanuts as evident by the deep cross section of peanuts viewable from the floor length window. But don't just view this show from the window. Entering into the gallery, the attendants immediately began to shovel packing peanuts behind the volcano causing a live eruption.
I had heard about the rain piece at the back of the gallery and was actually quite stunned by it. Rain appears to fall from foam stalactites and descends into layers of tar paper. This piece is auditory. The sound of the rain pellets hitting the tar paper is very peaceful. Also the execution of the piece overall is quite remarkable. He's not trying to hide anything. The pipe contraption that activates the rain is visible in the back of the room, while the raining stalactites are in the center of the room. I was left wondering with enchantment; how does it work?

Finally there was something quite elegant to me about how B.J. arranged the tar paper so that it became like a natural form, an homage to a Tara Donovan piece? Its like looking at sculptures you had the imagination to build s a child but could never figure out how to make. These moving wonders are not to be missed.

The People's Joy Parade has begun fund-raising! If you haven't checked it out yet please check out our kickstarter profile and pledge us. We are trying to make this parade sustainable in the future and wish to use our fund-raised money to support workshops, buy supplies and water, and pay for teachers/coordinators of the parade. This has been a new endeavor for me to begin asking for support for the parade but we need to do this to see if we can apply for grants in the future and also to ensure that the parade can keep occurring!

Another positive announcement I have is that I only had one polyp at my colonoscopy and that polyp does not have cancer! Yay! It was a big relief to find that out.

Sound Co Lab Performance, RAC Convening, Nightingale Screening, and a Giant Picnic, oh my!

2010-03-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

Sound Colab
It has been a whirlwind weekend of activity. Thursday night went out to Gondo for Emily Hemeyer's Sound collaboration. I was impressed by the range of female St. Louis sound makers working with just pedals to achieve a multi-person sound. Each had their own voice as well; Suriyah combined a series of instruments with her astounding vocal range, Larva incorporated found sounds, Anah used homemade instruments, and Emily worked with her own voice.
Visitors! That night my friend Christy and her sister Jess arrived to prepare for their tour. Meanwhile Cam's child hood friend Dave arrived via train to embark on his STL move. We all met up at the courtesy dinner with my friend Ryan to discuss life endeavors, like the pros and cons for setting up a non profit and updates on romantic relationships.

Convening
That next morning I work up early to attend the RAC Community Arts Convening. The 1st session I attended was about the Police Poetry Project in Maine. Marty Pottenger explained her project mainly using stories to describe the process of creating her project. She initially worked with the police force to write poems that were compiled in a calendar. This project changed the morale of the police staff as well as humanized them for the broader community by way of their writings and poetry readings. The success of this program initiated several collaborations with other departments in the Portland governmental organizations. This project emphasized for me that we never know where a collaboration might be possible. We may underestimate never who might benefit or be changed by an artistic process. Sometimes an artist has to ask if they can go to spaces that they might perceive are inaccessible because in fact these are probably the spaces that an artist really should go to. One idea that she talked about that I would like to carry into my own practice was the notion of art "holding contradiction".

An all around enjoyable session was Handmade Community Action: A people's art studio movement lead by Janis Timms-Bottos. Her presentation included stories of her project Kitchen Table Arts, an actual art project, and a history of important female community art practitioners.
Janis is from Canada she discovered in her community that a thrift store was getting more t-shirts than they knew what to do with and in response were throwing them away or shipping them to Africa. First she set up a group of volunteers that began to sort the t-shirts. Then she set up a sort of crafting table within the thrift store so that people coming in the store might begin to think of ways to reuse the t-shirts. She invited artists to come up with projects as well. Next they began to resell projects and bags of t-shirts packaged with idea sheets on how they might be used.
After this rousing intro she brought out a bunch of art supplies so that everyone in the room might make their own t-shirt cuffs. People really got into the project I even saw one guy making five or six bracelets. After letting us get into our projects; she began to tell the history of an important community art activist Lugenia Burns Hope that was born in St. Louis. Enroute she linked this woman to Jane Adams, free schools, and the Civil Rights Movement. Janis is an advocate for free art spaces and her presentation suggested that these spaces are most successful when they not only offer free art classes but also offer job/skill training to help the community improve itself. She suggested that this first woman's practice inspired the folk school that trained individuals like Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks as well as Bob Dylan and this was what led directly to the Civil Rights Movement. At one point there were many of these sorts of organizations all over the U.S. now the number seems to be much less.

At lunch Arlene Goldbard gave an inspiring presentation on the necessity for arts to reframe its own description, not in the language of business or politician, but as a matter of human necessity for survival and purpose. She called on us to question why there was so little funding for the arts and so much funding for the military going as far as to ask what does our nation want us to be remembered for the culture we created or the defenses/ arms we stockpiled?

After lunch I attended Partners for a Livable Community presentation "The Great Good Neighbor". This presentation was packed with information although not as interactive as the other ones. They asked institutions and museums, How can you become a good neighbor? Answers included develop relationships, know your neighborhood, and have follow through with your projects.

Arelene Goldbard continued her ideas of reframing in the afternoon session where she encouraged those attending the session to come up with an actual redescription for an arts project. My group had fun building a commercial aimed at tea baggers that related arts back to the beginning of U.S. history. Her whole project was aimed at getting to the heart of who makes meaning and then understanding the effects of that framing.

Finally I went to hear Theaster Gates and Robert Longyear talk about community projects. The main thing left in my head after that discussion was what constitutes a community interaction or artist? To what extent is the public involved or is it enough simply to be in the community in some capacity? Gates brings people together as a choir, at a meal, or in a shared space. Longyear works within a community and goes out and finds materials from the discarded environment around him.
I was inspired by how Gates entered the arts world as a non artist, (his training is in other fields), and in that way was willing to break down barrier notions of art that some institutions are not yet willing to address. i.e. ownership of work when there are multi collaborators, building community and ways to expand public interaction with museum spaces. That first day left my head churning.

That night I went to the Nightingale Film Screening at Fort Gondo. She showed a variety of Chicago shorts; stand outs for me include an animation by Jodie Mack, a short video where a hidden camera followed a package of sheets through the Wal-Mart conveyor system, and an abstract haunting video made using vintage European cartoon fairy tales.

Day 2 of RAC Convening was full of discussions. Using an open space technology facilitated by Bill Cleveland we met in small groups and discussed topics that seemed most important to us. Up to this point I had been feeling a disconnect about the people that I saw and did not see at the conference, anything from Northside anarchists to Wash U desk jobbers. A question in me was how to join artists, institutions, art supporters, and critics in a conversation and get rid of the intimidating presence of large institutions in the face of local artistic careers.
We came up with a plan to restart Spaghetti Dinners with a possible Sloup (mini fundraising) quality. The Spaghetti Dinners will meet up once a month with the intention to bring people together, especially those that might not normally be in conversation and to forge some common ground/community. A side project will be to maintain a blog that documents upcoming events as announced by people at the meeting!

The second session I attended was about how to reframe the WPA so that it might begin again. This was a very large discussion group of various backgrounds and opinions, I say that because many people that ran arts organizations were there and the first part of the meeting they vented their irritations with all the crazy funding structures of recent grant money. Then when we really got down to the discussion and it seemed like people were split between wanting to redescribe art using hope vs. using fear tactics (a world w/o art). Finally what it came down to was reminding the public the importance of arts. Looking at increased participating trends with dance and music, possibly because of American Idol and Dancing with the Stars, I suggested a community arts challenge show. Sure, their is one in process for an Art Star but what about one that really hold the values of community arts instead not about an individual career? What if the values were collaboration, engagement with community, success of ideas and projects? This conference was all around inspiring and I look forward to sharing it with people in my actions and future projects.

Picnic
To cap of an entirely busy weekend on Sunday we had the closing of Bric-a-leuring at Fort Gondo. Just having finished our quilt on Saturday night, we were sad to see rain on Sunday, but we made due and held the picnic inside. Twenty some people showed up and it was a pleasure to share some food and make some new friendships. Contact me if you'd like to know about more picnics in the future! Thanks to Jenny Murphy and my mom for sewing machine help. Lyndsey, Queen Bee, and Kayla for extra sew help and Miss Monica for coming through at the end with giant section.

Today I fast away in preparation for a colonoscopy. Two years late and with a family condition, I am happy to endure this process for a peace of mind on the state of my intestines. I am hopeful for some Obama health care as one of the hardest parts about my decision to be an artist has been purchasing health care with a pre-existing condition, its expensive and people don't want to cover my colon. This year is the first one I've been able to get a colonoscopy in part because of my high new monthly payment. But better a clean and empty colon then a cancerous one. I look forward to tomorrow with apprehension and hopefulness, but I am glad that I've been living my life they way I want to be.

She signed her name with cloth.

2010-03-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

The beginning of Bricaleur-ing events started with a Woman's Circle and from that circle I gained my mantra for the past couple of weeks, "I have all the time in the world". This seemed to get me through a week without anxiety. I am not going to write much more on the woman's circle because its a rather private affair but I can say that we did break into inspiring music making at one point. Things seem to continue at a whirl wind pace although I am trying to still find moments to slow down.

This past weekend went to Cindy Tower's opening at Bruno David. She is one of my favorite teachers and painters. Her practice has had a huge influence on me. I was happy to see her paintings in such a large space.
Saturday we had a play parade shoot on Cherokee Street it was great fun to be out with other parade supporters in costume on the street. After our photo shoot I went down to Gondo to show friends around. I enjoyed the pace of people coming in and out of the gallery as we hung out. My mom stuck around and helped me begin to piece together the quilt we started at the opening.

Sunday I worked on my painting and then Lyndsey and I met up to start a kickstarter fund-raising video for the People's Joy Parade. I will post it once it is ready. We had a joyful time responding to the spontaneous encounters we had on the street. I got to hang out and shop at the Finder's Hive and was happy to get a range of materials that I will use in an upcoming animation. I spent Sunday night with my family and was able to connect with my sister who was in town.

My mom sewing with Tinka.

Monday I got edited the video, worked, and then headed down to Gondo for the sewing bee. The sewing bee was an amazing night. I'd estimate that 25-30 people passed through to help us and it was a fantastic range of people; kids from the neighborhood, mother and daughter, old friends, out of towners. One encounter that especially moved me was when a man named Chuck showed up to share the legacy of his wife, Doris McManis, a quilter. She died in January from liver cancer. He brought a few of her quilts and a self published book on her work and pointed out many of the hidden ideas and details contained in her work. At the end of her book was a quote that Doris had sewn on a quilt, I found it particularly moving and applicable to the show; "It is not a woman's desire to be forgotten and so she signed her name with cloth."

Chuck talking about Doris.

For whatever reason yesterday I got ants in my pants to send out the parade emails. I guess cause I felt nervous that time was approaching and I had not put it on peoples radar. Nonetheless I sent out a critical mass and Facebook posting. Whenever I have such a large internet presence though I start to get nervous about being an annoying poster so now I am going to chill on the email voice for a few days. For whatever reason I woke up again last night; the anxiety had started again, unable to fall asleep I checked online to see the RFT review of Bricaleur-ing.

I am completely satisfied with the review which felt really rewarding. Finally after still not being able to sleep I decided just to start working so I begin editing the movie again and worked until 9:30 am. At which point I decided to take a nap. I return tonight from another evening of working on the quilt which has become large!

Nonetheless my mind is agitated, so many projects I want to work on, my time keeps disappearing. I question how I fit into the St. Louis art scene and what options there are for me to show next. I keep my faith that these attempts at sustainability for the parade, for my art practice, will have results. I reflect now that this was how and where I first began talking about the parade, I think this year getting it together will be a lot easier and that gives me some relief.

Certain questions remain in my mind:
Why do I make the things that I do? Can all practices exist equally? (social practice, painting, animation) How is it that even when I theoretically have more time, I seem to still have the same busyness? that would point at me as the problem.

Not to knock busyiness some is great but i.e. tonight I wanted to go to a lecture but I had already committed to finishing the quilt and could not make it. Well, tomorrow night we've got Emily H. singing at Gondo. Friday there is the Broad shoulders film night. I am excited but hoping to have a little peace and ease among it all.

Bric-a-leuring and Muniz

2010-03-14T18:16:00.001-07:00

Image by Lisa Payne

Thanks to everyone who participated in and came out for Bricaleur-ing at Fort Gondo. I was especially moved by seeing all the people making squares for the Wonderjardin quilt. For the purposes of public sharing; I am posting Lyndsey and my intro to the show as well as the calendar that follows.

On Bric-a-leur-ing

Lyndsey and I were invited to create a show for the yearlong women’s exhibition series at Fort Gondo. When we began talking, we both expressed interest in forming a show that highlighted resourceful and collaborative art making methods by female artists. The title came from the word bricoleur, an individual that makes things from what is available around them. We played with the word a bit to get at the idea of attractiveness and it was later pointed out to me, the existence of Bric-a-Brac, which also seems to reference craft and nick knacks. The participating artists selected the works they wished to have shown. I’ve enjoyed watching how each artist has interpreted, how do you say that word, what does it mean- bricoleur? I am excited to see how the works converse in a space together. The works presented here represent a range of artistic practices including abstract material studies, appropriation, collage, up-cycling, narrative painting, community interventions, and performance; this for me comments on the variety of ways in which the Bricoleur spirit is manifest today. - Sarah

The spirit that popped into my head when Sarah and I stumbled upon the word Bricaleur-ing was a magic lady dressed only in fishnets and a brick-painted cardboard box singing “She’s a Brick House” while dancing around downtown. A laughing, intuitive, spritely and simple force that judges no one, dips and glides between sore ‘mores’ and ‘who does she think she is?” – Free to be…. I hear the fine art stats as reported by the Guerilla Girls, and go in trends of avoiding galleries and museums as a result of the intermittent feeling of boredom/ego/cynicism/fatalism that can predominate imbalanced masculine work. This invitation to curate as part of Beverlyear was a great little gauntlet: Go ahead and be that – instead of bitching about ladies largely seeming cut off from power-play in the mainstream art culture, or a feminine/nurture aspect being absent from ‘high art’, why not enjoy playing around…. Stop focusing on what’s not and create what Is. The work culled as a result of the concept embodies unique sensibilities of lady-makers, and I really enjoy the conversations happening within various ‘clusters’ of pieces. I anticipate soulful connections as we transform the gallery space and spill into the neighborhood thru the end of the month. - Lyndsey

The following gives info on the show and future events:
Bricaleur-ing:
An inquiry into the profundity & resourcefulness of Female Transformateurs

Gina Alvarez
Sarah Brunjes Hall
Catherine Cathers
Kara Clark Holland
Ann-Maree Crawford Walker
Katherine Gastler
Emily Hemeyer
Jamie Lynn Kreher
Jenny Murphy
Sarah Paulsen
Lisa Payne
Lyndsey Scott
Amy Thompson
Amy VonDonsel
Autumn Wiggins

ART OPENING: Saturday, March 13 / 5pm-9pm Meet the artists and make your mark on the WonderJardin!

Feel free to bring black, green, and floral fabrics or fabric paint for the quilt.

You are invited! Calendar of public events:
* denotes an event specifically For Women!
(During the show Fort Gondo will serve as a creative laboratory, developing a Cherokee Street public art installation powered by community connection and female ingenuity.)

*NEW MOON CIRCLE & Potluck: Monday, March 15 / 7:30pm – 10pm
Share food, dreams, and intentions with other women, facilitated by Cayree Dobsch

*MAKE NIGHT: Monday, March 22 / 6pm – 10pm
Powerhouse community quilting bee –women and girls of all ages welcome! Bring your sewing machine or hand.

SOUNDSCAPE: Thurs, March 25th/ 8pm.
Join Ghosts I Have Been, Larva, and Annah of Bangerang as they mesh….Found city sounds with collaborative acoustic circuitry to create an ambient lush folk noise environment.

FILM SCREENING: Friday, March 26 / 8pm (Donation at door) Curated by Christy LeMaster.

THE BROAD SHOULDERS TOUR is a showcase of Chicago made work screened at The Nightingale Theater. The works represent a diversity of mediums and aesthetics but share a similar sensibility of economy; prettiness built out of utility, and accessibility that Chicago breeds into its makers. This isn't a city of artists that expect to quit their day jobs

WONDERJARDIN INSTALLATION: Sunday, March 28 / Meet @ 11am Show up at the gallery with your picnic basket to find out the locale. Let’s head out to inaugurate St. Louis’ biggest picnic blanket ever!
Contact: Sarah Paulsen pintorasp@hotmail.com or
Lyndsey Scott nevertidy@gmail.com

FORT GONDO is at 3151 Cherokee Street near the intersection of Cherokee and Compton.

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Other recent tops for me include

-"Wasteland" directed by Lucy Walker. This documentary is about Vik Muniz's collaborative project at Jardim Gramacho the world's largest landfill located in Rio de Janeiro. Muniz works with the pickers, people who pull recyclables from the trash, to create a series of portraits of those same people from trash. These large scale trash portraits were photographed and the photograph was then auctioned in London. All money was donated back to the community. Not only does it demonstrate the ins and outs of collaboration and presents an honest dialogue on artists intervening in a community, but it also highlights the inventive practice of Muniz in a way that reveals his generous and giving personality. There's not taking advantage of workers in his practice.

-KETC digital storytelling class. Thanks to my three teachers at this class; Gabe, Nick, and Jack, who worked with me on some of my geekier video questions. They also made me feel like I knew a lot more about video then I had realized. I spent three weeks honing my video editing skills to make a short about a Turkish immigrant who excelled at soccer. I'll post it when its on youtube. Although you don't get to chose the subject matter, the class is entirely free.

Ode to Chica part 2.

2010-02-19T14:45:00.000-08:00

Ode to Chica cont.

Whenever I was depressed in college Chica would show up at my front door and she would invite me to go on walks. As if because she had not seen me for a day she knew something was wrong.

I used to dream of traveling the U.S. with Chica in my truck. Her and I used to go hiking all around Columbia, MO and we would often find secret swimming holes.

Ode to Chica

2010-02-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

Prior to leaving town, I had learned that one of my closest dog friends had to be put to sleep. This is drawing 1 in Ode to Chica.

Off the Wall in Utter Pandemonium

2010-02-07T11:18:00.000-08:00

We are sad to see the end of our incredible residency. This last week was a whirlwind heading towards completion. On Monday I was inspired as I learned that a few students had come in early to work and others had been sneaking in to draw at night. A crew of students rallied around us and gave us much emotional/physical support to help complete the installation. Ming, Anna, Alex, Ariel, Robbie, Chung, Gene, Caitlin, Brandon, they put in extensive hours outside of class and it felt like a community when we'd pass each other late night at the building. Cam's idea to "bring what you got" seemed to be especially evident with Alex who, not being in any of the classes with whom we collaborated, volunteered to help build the picture show booth.

Tuesday I met with the painting class while Cam met with drawing. The students turned out some fantastic paintings for their "Animate Objects and I was especially thankful for the people who had completed all their drawings prior to class. Meanwhile the draw-ers covered the installation wall with paint. As we moved onto advanced painting I was energized to see how prepared each painter was with their supplies/ideas to animate.

Running back and forth between the animators and the installation, I began to wear out. Cam and I had a brief tiff that was brought on by exhaustion and the fact that Cam realized that this project had a life of its own of which he might help steer but he definitely did not control. Thanks to the students who kept working as we took a break to relax.

That night we one by one finished our pieces; wall painting, tape drawings, binocular structure. One of my favorite moments was when we tried to "drape" the projection structure, 8 tired artists bumbled around trying to figure out how to rig the fabric to create the illusion of a tent. After stratigizing a couple times, we found a suitable manner to handle the fabric, and luckily in walks Ebony to help embellish and sufficiently finish the front.

As we woke up Wednesday with little sleep, we went to do our final preparations; sweep the floor, turn on the projections, change lights. In the Fibers room I joined the students as I finished painting the horse head. After students put on their costumes, we one by one worked on Pixilation animations set within the Gallery walls. Thanks to Robbie who helped take the pictures. I was so happy with the enthusiasm and willingness of the students to play with me in the gallery in this way.
We got some hilarious human animations. This group picture is one of my favorite photos of our visit.

Ebony arrived with the food just as people began to arrive at the gallery. I meanwhile had been working on the pixilation video which seemed to be a hit as people gathered around me and the projector. I was especially excited when I saw little kids began to take over the space by running into Cube City, jumping over the fabric water, and following the lines on the floor. When we began this project we asked the students questions that related to their own childhood imaginary spaces so this seemed to be evidence of our collective success. Several students thanked Cam and I that night for letting them be involved in the experience.

This was particularly gratifying for me to hear as I had prior to this residency questioned; how do I create a visiting artist experience that directly involves the students in a way so that they are not just creating my work? I was also interested in integrating new practices I had learned through C.A.T. with my older practices of mural making and animation storytelling.

After the opening we shared a few meals with the students. Cam gave his lecture. As we departed from the group of students on Friday we gave a round of hugs, I hope that they will keep in touch and let us know what will happen with their own art practices. In the meantime I'm trying to get them to come to St. Louis for Cam's opening. The students became the face of Lexington for me, not the sites, landscape, history of horses, or fried chicken.

We spent our last few hours hanging out with Ebony sharing food and plotting our future projects. I am glad that I've had some extensive time to be around her as she inspires me with her determination and strait forward teaching style.

Now, Cam and I have safely returned to St. Louis and we luckily avoided the eastern snowstorm. Cam who needs order, unpacked in a frenzy, eager to get working on his upcoming show. Meanwhile I've been taking my time caught between the desire to reflect on this experience, the necessity to complete other projects in St. Louis, and my musings of what next.

Visiting Artist/ Residency Update.

2010-01-31T18:37:00.000-08:00

Cam and I have been in Lexington, KY for two weeks now. We have been invited by our friend Ebony to have a visiting artist/ residency. Ebony is a fantastic artist with a wicked sense of style. She grew up in Jamaica but has been in the U.S. since graduate school. We are the pilot for a new type of visiting artist at her school. Her intention was to lock us in the gallery for three weeks, to work, and meet with students, so that we might inspire them and shake up their ideas about art.

some of her work

This trip thus far has been an up and down adventure.
We arrived the first week to talk to an art professions class only to learn on our way back to St. Louis, that our studio had flooded. Thanks to all the people at the studio and Nina's employees from SKIFF, my paintings were rescued, although I think I have lost a few drawings. Ebony was meanwhile dealing with her own sense of loss; she was hearing about friends missing and homes destroyed in Haiti. This gave me perspective on losing a few of my artworks. That night we took her to a few openings at RAC, Good Citizen, and on Cherokee St to distract her..

Returning to KY early Saturday, we began to unpack our things and ideas about the residency. I was really nervous to meet with the faculty Sunday night for dinner. When asked about our ideas for the project I fumbled over my words. (Uggh I hate when I'm not clear or I sound evasive.)

That first week we met with the classes. We gave powerpoints on our different ideas- drawing as a 3d medium, animated painting, and repurposed costumes. We also led them through writing and sketching ideas. I immediately clicked with Ebony's painting classes and we dove into animation lessons. I planned a thrift/ supply shopping trip with the Fiber's teacher Arturo Sanduval for the following weekend. Meanwhile I nervously prepared for a lecture for Friday. When I showed up for my lecture, it turned out I didn't have to go until the following week. I was relieved that meant I could re-edit my talk.

The Saturday shopping trip was fun. I got to meet three students Caitlin, Robbie, and Chung, in addition to hanging out with Arturo. Talking with these students reminded me of all the different life experiences students bring with them as they enter college. It also led to some serious conversations about life purpose, synchronicity, and art making, all in funny places like WalMart and Michaels.

Cam and I prepared for the following week on Sunday. Monday started with a gallop. Met with the Fibers Class. Tuesday was a full out run, 7am-8pm we worked with the drawing students and then stayed to fill in pieces. We had been anxious about getting something up on the wall and once we started we wanted to keep going. The rest of the week we met with painting and fibers students; each day inching closer with the room. Friday I gave my lecture and that was followed by a pizza social for all the collaborators. I was glad to hear a lot of positive feedback from the students. My presentation re-crafting had been effective. That night we watched Beautiful Losers with Ebony.

Saturday morning snow. We had hoped to have a handful of students helping us out, it had turned out to be a small group that regularly showed. I am reminded of my own university experience where there were a handful of us tride and true art students that continually came out for stuff.

The room is enormous and we've put in 18+ hours this weekend. It looks strong but I'm still waiting for the tipping point were some of the student drawings reach completion. Thus far this experience has been really gratifying career wise although the intensity of it has thrown Cam and I off our normal eating/exercising/sleeping routines. Hard labor. My back and shoulders keeps aching and Cam fell of a ladder today. Nonetheless I've been able to test out some ideas of collaboration and have integrated my animation, costumes, painting, and drawing rather seamlessly.

I am looking forward to our opening this week.

The Wisdom Gleaned from Losing things, Losing one's mind, and Getting Lost.

2009-12-26T15:47:00.000-08:00

I've been getting lost for as long as I can remember.

When I was five I wandered over to my backyard neighbors house. They served me cookies and promptly contacted my mother. This quality of wanderlust is something my parents have had to reckon with since I was little. As to losing things, I remember when I was young I constantly lost my hair brush. I had these frenzied searches around the house in a panic to find that tool. Which is funny cause now I've got curly hair and I don't even use a brush. But back then I had to learn at some point to let it go. Its sort of like trying to recall a name or bit of information; when I focus on it I can't remember, when I forget about it, suddenly the word pops into my head.

Where to Begin.

On December 18th I left on a journey to help my sister move from Long Beach, CA to South Carolina via St. Louis.

My sister Mary, a serious athlete and business woman, is 7yrs younger than me. She has been working for a swim line for the past three years. In June they moved her to CA for a better position, by November the company had undergone a series of internal restructuring that meant my sister would have to become A. a collection agent or B. a computer telephone marketer. My sister has had an internal search for self purpose for the past couple of years and so I believe she saw this an out to try something new or to follow her gut and leave business America.

My parents asked if I would be interested in helping her move and it fit perfectly with my teaching schedule. I flew out to Long Beach exhausted from a week of teaching and the previous weekend's CAT program. When I arrived I immediately noticed that I had lost my video camera. I attempted to contact the Dallas airport terminal as I remembered setting it next to me as I wrote at the gate. I've been trying to telepathically will my camera back to me since then. No Luck.

True, its a three year old consumer camera and I should invest in a pro-sumer one anyways because its limitations at some effected the color and zoom qualities in my animation, but I definitely felt remorse. This was one of the most expensive things I have owned/bought and as my first video camera, I'm a bit sentimental about it. In that moment I had to let go of my loss so that I could enjoy my sister's presence and our pending adventure.

My visit to CA looked something like this---->
Play around Southern California including a few I'll blog on later;
-Shops in Long Beach
-Parade of Boats
-eating oranges from a tree in the courtyard
-Museum of Jurassic Technology
-Hammer Museum Charles Burchfield
-Traffic
-Yoga Class
-Mexican Market/ Art Market

The Harrowing Journey Home
Monday morning we began packing my sister's car until it was so stuffed and we had to pitch extra stuff.

Before leaving we considered a surfing lesson, but decided not to because of the cost and time. Instead we headed down towards Newport Beach and went hiking around an area called Crystal Cove. As we were watching the surfers and looking for whales, my sister exclaimed, "Let's go swimming!"

Thinking that this was her closure ritual for the end of the CA chapter of her life, I agreed. My sister went in first as she has a wet suit to test out. After she got flipped around by the waves I decided to join her, in my swimsuit, mind you in freezing December ocean water. We ran in and screamed and laughed about the coldness of the water and our failed attempts to ride the waves while swimming. As we ran back up the stairs of the cliff, a man watching the water said "You must feel like you can do anything in the world." Not a bad way to begin a journey.

Fresh from a swim and outdoor shower we headed towards Kingman, only to get caught in 2hrs of traffic heading out of L.A.. Despite the traffic, the initial ride was optimistic. At about 8pm we arrived in Barstow and ate at a McDonald's shaped like a train station. This McDonald's was like the bar in Star Wars; a random assortment of people in various routes of travel.

We stopped in Needles to sleep and it was then that I discovered my phone was missing. The next morning Cam called my sister's phone and said that a kid had found my phone on the ground in Barstow and she had been texting him all night to let him know they were waiting for someone to return for the phone. My theory is the phone fell out of the jam packed car. Did I mention that I had to fit all my bags in the passenger seat?

I was upset about my phone and more anxious about why I kept losing things, but I figured that at least my sister still had her phone and it sounded like the family who found my phone were going to mail it back to me. Forward with the trip, our goal that day was to drive to Alberquerque to stay with cousins. We should have seen it as a bad omen when we saw snow in the Mojave Dessert.

By the time we were close to Flagstaff we came to a stand still on the Highway.
Passing the time with knitting and needlepoint, we tried to make the best of our wait. I tried to walk up the road to see where the traffic jam started but could see end. Snow and wind burning my face, I turned around to walk back to our car. Along the way people rolled down there windows to ask what I saw, "nothing" I said. But these conversations formed a short narrative; this road did see a lot of snow, but if we were stuck too long the trucks wouldn't make it up the pass and would have to change tires, everyone seemed to have a little food, a few let their dogs run around or had snowball fights. One man even suggested an ingenious way for women to pee in a traffic jam while snowing. Form an enclosure by stretching a blanket between the door of the car and the car body. Pee inside this enclosure. My sister and I did this twice each. This traffic jam dialogue was the closest sense of community I had ever made on the highway. Four hours later we began to inch along the road, by this time there was a great deal of snow. As we headed towards flagstaff we saw cars and trucks that had run of the road. Discouraged by the time (7pm), road conditions, and lack of light, we decided to stay in Flagstaff. That night we tried to run to a yoga class-that we missed, bought wool socks, and ate soup.

The next morning we work up early to work out and to get a head start. My sister navigated us through the rest of Arizona. We stopped at an Indian Jewelry store where I bought a few gifts and a good luck Kachina doll. I started driving through New Mexico only to be stopped in another traffic jam outside of Alberquerque. Two hours later, we finally escaped and pulled over into a McDonald's. My sister took over the drive and we found ourselves in an intense snow storm. This was the sort of snow storm where you just had to focus on the yellow lines on the road and try and drive in the wheel path from the trucks ahead. The most difficult quality about highway driving in this sort of storm was the mesmerizing trance inspiring movement of snow. It began to look like a matrix or Cam aptly described it later as a sort of Warpspeed visual effect. I noticed Mary driving all over the highway lane. She could no longer see the lane, so I volunteered to take over. By this time the cars were just driving in a slow straight line. This path was further enforced by several miles of highway road work. Mary and I had decided there was no way to get to our goal destination, Oklahoma City, so we found a hotel in Tucumari. Furthermore after several discussions with our father, who had been looking at the radar, there was no clear route for us to take to avoid storms. As we approached the town of Tucumari I began to freak out. I could not see the road, people were driving all willy nilly, and I had almost followed a truck off an exit while trying to stay on the road. My sister counted down the miles with the help of her Garmin. I wanted to exit as soon as possible.
"Let me out of this car I can't drive anymore!" I yelled.
She insisted I stay on the road till our exit, we narrowly missed it and I drove through the grass to get of the highway. Arriving at our hotel we were uncertain if we would be home for Christmas. We began to joke about putting gas station items in each other's shoes and a Christmas dinner at Denny's.

The next morning we woke at 6 to begin the drive. My sister got on the phone with my dad who told her that we could not go South because its forecast was terrible and we could not go North because that forecast was horrible. We just had to stay on 40. Getting back on the highway we noticed several more crashed, flipped, or abandoned vehicles along the icy road. As we passed Amarillo we were encouraged that there appeared to be less snow. We began to experience huge gusts of wind. The wind would pick up the snow swirl it around and create a 10-20ft blanket of invisibility on the highway. This "white out" completely freaked out my sister and she began to slow down. I began to panic that we might get hit from behind and encouraged her to keep a steady pace. Suddenly we reached another highway stand still.

After sitting for an hour we began to consider off roading our vehicle to the route 66 which appeared to be next to us beyond a ditch. We saw a few cars behind us drive this path. An hour later, after contacting our father and boyfriends, we decided to try to cross the ditch. With Cam on the phone, I asked him to talk us through the process. My sister was nervous as she began the diagonal descent and thought initially the car might tip over on my side. As we headed up the other side she was certain it would tip on her and she started to slow down,
"just accelerate" I yelled. As we reached the road we began screaming with joy.
Cam panicked yelled, "What's going on?" (he thought we had tipped and were dying). "Never do that again to me." he said.
We drove further only to reach another standstill. I began to panick I could not be in this car any longer and I could not wait along the highway. Suddenly the women who had been behind us appeared alongside our car.
"I'm going to find out what's going on", she said.
"I've got to get to Illinois and I'm not waiting on this road."
She reported back to us that we were stalled by a 10 car pileup no doubt caused by the white outs. We could wait here for at least another 2 hours or we could head up north by country roads to a town called Pampas. We decided to go to Pampas.
When we arrived at a Pampas gas station we were surprised to meet many other travelers on this same detour. In the gas station we compared routes as my sister talked on the phone with my dad, "weather center". My dad wanted us to continue North and head towards Wichita because he thought we just might miss the bulk of the storm. The others at the station thought we should head back towards a later exit on 40. My sister and I had actually preferred the North facing roads because they did not have white outs because of the direction of the wind. We decided to head towards Wichita.

I started to enjoy the drive, rolling hills, expansive plain, snow covered landscapes that made me think of the moon. As discussed in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance there is something preferable about roads over highways. Roads allow a person to really get a sense of a place where as highways are just about getting from point A to point B.
I was surprised too that we were able to travel faster on the roads then we had been traveling on the highway most of our trip.

Nearly in Kansas by night, my sister took over driving, the last 30 miles into Wichita we once again experienced less severe white outs. We could at least see people's brake lights. Arriving at our friend Travis' house on Christmas Eve, I felt great relief to be around people that I cared about. I was also moved by the notion that like the Christmas story we were welcomed into someone else's home and for a short time could take refuge from the road. Filled with food, wine, and the celebratory spirit of the Russell house, we fast fell asleep.

Up at 6am, we began to prepare for hopefully our last journey. My sister laughed when she saw the McDonald's toy, glow bracelet, and route 66 postcard I left for her in her shoe. With luggage in tow, she headed down to warm up the car. Travis and I checked out the weather news. It seemed like Oklahoma City had been slammed by snow and hwy 40 was shut down after a 20 car pileup. I hoped that our friend"Illinois" had made it out of there safely. Our route seemed ok, KC was slammed with snow but we could at least make it there.

Following my sister a little later to the car, I heard a strange clicking sound as I approached. It was the clicking of the engine not starting! Our car had died Christmas morning. I went back into Travis's house and called Triple A. The woman on the phone told me,
"Well I can place this request but I have no idea how long it will take for them to get to you, there are accidents all over the place, I would encourage you not to drive."
Luckily a half hour later someone showed up started our car.
"How's the weather we asked?"
"Check out what I'm towing."
My sister and I walked around to the back of his truck to see a completely mangled car.

Climbing into our car we hesitantly began our last stretch of the trip. At this point we were past making destinations or goals. We felt defeated and exhausted. Sick of driving with such anxiety somehow, Mary pulled it together and managed to drive us to Kansas City. We figured if KC was too hard to cross we would just stop and see a movie. As she approached 70 she seemed exhausted from driving and slightly traumatized by all the cars we saw along the KC stretch of highways.
"Just pull into a gas station and I'll start. I know this road well."
(from many trips between KC, Columbia, and St. Louis)

In the gas station, before I began, I drank coffee, stretched, and tried to psyke myself up. Back in the car, I put on music that I could sing to and tried to stay attentive to the road. The snow and ice was in unpredictable patches. The wind flurries were not as bad as Oklahoma so I began to feel confident about getting home that day.

As we came closer to St. Louis, we tried to make sense of this unexpected dramatic journey.
Mary said, "I have been feeling really discouraged and not confident about my job. And this whole not knowing what to do...Maybe this trip is a reminder that I can overcome many difficult things even ones that are completely out of my hands".

For me , I had been wanting to connect with my sister and needed head space to think and re-prioritize. Being forced off the grid by lack of phone, internet access, and traumatic weather was one way to have that space.

We made it home for Christmas dinner at 5pm. I was overjoyed to see Cam and my family and to stop driving.

In closure
At the heart of my favorite cross-country travels
I experience expansive landscapes
Quirky roadside stores and gas stations.
Nostalgia for the history of the highway and car culture.
Taste testing of the world.
Opportunity for synchronicity with strangers.
Thinking space.
Chance to find out new music via car companions and cross-country radio stations.

Losing things is really about letting go. Allowing life to be bumpy and awkward. Trusting that if you can’t find something now it may turn up later. Following the directions of others. Sticking with the road long enough to stumble upon something unexpected and extraordinary. It’s a giving up of control because of extraneous situations and an acceptance of whatever outcomes may arrive. Sure when I was at the fourth traffic jam I lost it but in that breakdown I acknowledged at the very least I was alive and not in an accident. To be lost is to get temporarily off the grid removing the daily patterns and notions of self until what remains is the meanderings of the mind, the body a vessel within a vessel, and a location in motion. When I get physically lost; inside all that confusion, anxiety, and searching, I find myself.

How we mark the passing of time- Lifelong Learners and the inventions of Problem Solving

2009-12-06T18:23:00.000-08:00

T-day Photo Shoot with Cam
Thanksgiving and on through December is a whirlwind blur of activity, in accordance with this fast pace I am going to write on events of the past two weekends.

Thanks Rituals
I've been gathering with friends and family for over ten years now at my parents house. The mom's cook the food, the dad's entertain, and we kids make appetizers and drinks or sometimes nothing at all. The years have been marked by people lost to death or moves, visitors gained -transient college students, and new members born. (My bf was even a T-Day guest before we were dating.) We talk about everything and nothing and our bellies are filled with the deliciousness that we haven't had since the year before. This Thanksgiving ritual helps us mark the passing of time.

I've decided to profile one of my best friends that regularly attends as she is one of my favorite people and she embodies qualities that I admire.

Life Long Learner pt 1.
Emily P
-Grew up in St. Louis
-Went to college in Vermont
-Plays volleyball, skies, snowboards, bikes, climbs.
-One of my longtime collaborators on art projects including; zines, furniture rehab, art projects, and aerobic dances.
-Was my first yoga teacher.
-Once sent a friend a piece of mountain lion poop in the mail.
-Built a tree house with a nudist that liked to chain saw as such.
-Used to ride a motorcycle.
-Can teach herself to do anything, like playing the banjo or harmonica.
-Secretly planted tree seedlings all over Columbia, MO Johnny Appleseed style earning her the nick name Emmy tree seed.
-Would like to one day build an adult jungle gym in her backyard that is made out of rocks and trees.
-I was afraid of her in middle school.
-We went to Spain at the same time in high school.
-Is studying to be a doctor of Physical therapy.
-We shared a studio at her grandpa's house and secretly filled his basement with objects we collected from the trash that we planned on refurbishing.
-Have been roomates 2x's.
-Makes delicious "healthy cookies", cucumber soup, and african peanut soup.
-Has lived all over U.S.
-Shares a love of Joseph Campbell.
-Studied Biology and Art
-Can build beautiful gardens- she once made our entire backyard at a rented house into a garden. One beautiful summer night during an art show we laid blankets all over the yard between the plots of plants and lit candles. People played guitar and ate perfectly ripe cherry tomatoes from the vine.

Lifelong Learners Part II
Charles and Ray Eames (photo of them building Mathematica Exhibit)
I bought the boxed set of their videos for my youngest brother. We watched half of them over T-Day weekend. These two knew about everything; design, computers, bread, Day of the Dead, sea creatures, Thomas Jefferson. I was left dizzy and dumbfounded by my initial experience of their videos and their apparent genius. Like Emily from above, they were fascinated by all aspects of life and they seemed to find everything significant or special in some way from the molecular to outer space. Brett W. showed Powers of Ten to my CAT group and I had seen a stop motion of their chairs, but I had no idea the extent of their exploration; it sort of beautiful just to see two people that seem committed to life long learning. While they may have had specialties in art and design this never limited them from learning and collaborating with other fields.

Lifelong Learners Part III.
Fantastic Mr. Fox

It's almost like Wes Anderson could have been animating all along. Or rather how exciting to see how his directing/editing techniques from live action film exist in an animated movie.

I've long considered Anderson to be a present day film auteur because of the style of his movies. Again we have the yellow titles, the thorough presentation of characters in their environments, the long slow pan outs, the energizing classic boy rock, and the tales of male adventures/ search for purpose.
The casting of the various animated creatures is spot on especially with George Clooney as the fox and Maryl Streep as his wife. Even Jason Schwartzman plays an effective brooding teenager. The animation has the same dreamy golden kodachrome look as his films. One accidental happening I especially love, is the way the fur on their faces move, I believe its a result of when they manipulate the puppets. This what I imagine most closely depicts Anderson's imaginary world. I wanted this film to last far longer than its hour and half because this world is quite captivating.

Three of my favorite adventures from this weekend

1. My cousin Hannah was visiting this weekend and she is a fashion designer. We both like to thrift shop and so my mom was thrilled to tell us about the vintage dress sale at Scholarshop. We joined hordes of mainly women at their Webster location on Saturday morning to peruse over a thousand vintage dresses. While we did find some cute outfits, we didn't want to lose our day waiting in long lines to try on and pay for dresses but what a blast to see all those people excited about vintage dresses. My cousin laughed that most of them were from JcPenny and how odd to see them sell for more now than they probably did originally.

2. These Changes Make us Light
Saturday night we went to the annual Holiday show May These Changes Make us Light held this year at the Archive. Archive is a newly opened bookstore occupying what used to be City Art Supply. The Changes Show is a variety show tied loosely together through a different narrative each year. Embracing ideas of togetherness, diversity, and healing, this year's show highlighted video pieces from a movie project called Atnas, songs by Firedog and Yuletide Express, as well as a few modern dances. I really enjoyed the visual effect of the light up tree costume worn by Amber (below) who I understand is an owner of the Archive. Pantyhose and colored silks were draped and sewn to create roots and a limb system that extended from her hands. She did a modern dance that incorporated slow movments often referencing the "yogic" tree posture.

I've helped with this show in year's past and I know that the group of collaborators worked hard to pull the show together after losing their space a week before the performance. In response, they tried to incorporate audience participation more as anything relating a stage had been eliminated. This was especially effective during the Yuletide Express Performance as the choir slowly enveloped the entire room and the line between performer and participant was erased. The Atnas videos (made by Rebecca Rivas and Kelsey) were fun and playful they moved between Lyndsey singing soulfully along the flood wall and the advice of a sassy female rapper. I had given Lyndsey some training on animation so I also enjoyed seeing her animating language emerge, particularly all the ways she was able to bring inanimate objects and photographs to life just by using them as props in her animation. Also she effectively created an overall feeling of the journey of her character through the juxtaposition of stuff. Marc Pagano and Celia were as exuberant as ever this time adding in a new dance song, The Age of Aquarius. I think that this group really problem solved their loss of space in an effective way because the audience never knew when something was going to end or begin. The only difficulty was because the front door was by the viewing area when a large group walked in I felt I should politely move back so that they could have a chance to see and then I could not see anything.

3. Highway 40 Promenade
Today I went to the Highway 40 re-opening Public Walk. What an amazing experience to realize the scale of a highway by walking it. My brother remarked that this was the only time we would experience how far apart the exits actually were. Walking and biking terrain makes you suddenly more conscious of all the twists, turns, and hills on the road. There appeared to be huge turnout of people;on bike, skateboard, rollerblade, with dogs, jogging, even a marching band. I am huge fan of pedestrian cities and I love interventions such as this when a space we usually experience as one way is suddenly made to be something else. It felt like all of St. Louis had come out to Promenade along the highway. Talking with family and friends later, it made us wish that this was a regular event. Come on can't you see it once a month we close a part of the highway down and everyone gets out and just walks, solving obesity, and isolation, activities could change; in the winter an ice rink, in summer a slip and slide, in the spring an evening dance!
Photo by Billy Paulsen

Not Real, and a clean sweep.

2009-11-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

Friday I worked in the studio and has a series of understandings and discoveries in my painting. I even figured out what I wanted to paint next.

That night I went to Good Citizen Gallery to check out Eric Troffkin's show Not Real. Eric was one of my graduate instructors and I think of him as a sort of parent figure. He was a great teacher; the kind that got invested in who you were as an artist and tried to give you advice in align with your goals. He was also very honest about the art world and lack of jobs post grad school. I knew that he was an excellent technician and that he had extensive model building skills, he even worked for James Turrell.

When I walked in the room I first noticed on the left wall several crystal like shapes in pastel colors hanging from the ceiling and slightly grouped together. On the right wall I saw a series of light boxes that appeared to be close ups of these installations although with different lighting situations. As I moved through the crowd, I saw that the floor was covered with piles of hexagonal shapes in a variety of pastel colors. They were stacked in a manner that made me think of; people that balanced plates, honeycomb, and candy. The color of many items in the room was reminiscent of candy and in that tradition the gallery served Spree and Jellybeans in addition to the regular cheese/cracker/wine spread. Gotta love a space with a sense of humor.

There were three hanging installations. Direct lights forced strong shadows to appear on the back wall, shadows that were larger than the original piece so that they became an additional form. (Sort of like Tim Noble and Sue Webster only not figurative or representational)

Initially I had a lot of questions: What were these forms made of? Did he dye them himself? Were they related to platonic solids? What was this idea of the lense flare?

An ever-teacher Eric answered all these questions for me. They were made of cast foam and he mixed the different colors. They were not platonic solids because there is no six sided platonic solid.

Lense flare is a visual that appears in photos but is not a real occurence. Typically it appears as starbursts, rings, or circles on a photograph or in a film. This odd effect happens when light scatters in a lens system because of reflection, strong bright lights, or an irregularity on the lens. It's shape is determined by the six parts of the aperture.

Did you know? A lens flare is used to suggest drama. It was an effect in early computer graphics. Think Easy Rider and Star Trek.

The color scheme was inspired by the color of his young daughter's toys. Each installation is created in a new way as it is shown in a different venue. The shadow of the object is as important (possible more so?) than the hanging objects as it is another illusion, a shadow that is not real. This is a really terrific and visually playful show by a serious sculptor.

Saturday I returned to my studio, this time I had the intention to clean. I had to re-sort and organize materials and space post project. Five hours later I began to paint. Well mid painting I got tired, which kind of sucked because I had hoped to solve a little more. I ran out of patience and focused energy. For awhile I was depressed; that the painting had not been solved, that I'd used most of my day to clean. I wanted the Eureka! feelings of Friday to continue. In the end I decided to go on an adventure with Emily H. At 11pm we went out for a drink and then ended up at a dance party. The change of scenery, infectious music, and hilarity of being one of the "old people" at a party was enough to lighten my spirits.

Today the cleaning spree continued at my house. My bf is a total neat freak so when we started cleaning it was like a chain reaction the next thing you know he had cleaned the whole house. After preparing for my teaching classes, I went to Jill A's house. She bought a painting from me. (Painting on right) She has quite a collection of St. Louis art. She is a wine sommelier. Which makes me think Kudos to her for also being a young art collector. I think that is something that could be further explored in St. Louis, encouraging young people to collect art. I really enjoyed sharing a glass of wine with her and swapping travel stories. We had been acquaintances for a several years and it was connecting to see who she was as a person. Plus she has a cool dog.

This week if you are looking to do something fun on Thursday night the White sisters are playing records at Royale. Promises to be fun dancing.

Precious and Late Night Two Step

2009-11-15T19:26:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went to CAT workshops on Friday and Saturday. I was lucky to win two tickets to the screening of Precious as part of the St. Louis Film Festival. I had just completed the book as part of CAT. The movie was strong although not as powerful as the book. The book graphically described the incest, abuse, and cycles of violence as experienced by the main character Precious, an overweight African American 16yr old, mother of two, and her schoolmates. These girls overcame their traumatic life experiences largely as they learned to read and write, going from illiterate to regular writers. I had questioned how they would portray graphic parts in the film like the moments that the main character Precious was molested., there were some strong metaphorical visual stand-ins, like stop motion footage of a ceiling crumbling in. The character mentally escaped to a dreamlike glitzy space where she was dancing, fabulous, and the center of attention in a Hollywood like manner, think Diamonds are a girls bestfriend. The film did an effective job creating a sense of the setting (Harlem) and time period (80's)for this character. However I missed hearing the voices of the other schoolmates. In the book their stories were developed as side voices and companions to Precious, this emphasized the severity and regularity of violent/abusive home lives. All in all, I was happy that this story was made into a film as it told a story that usually does not make it to the big screen, without a happy ending, and without a typical Hollywood star. Also Mariah Carey plays a surprising role as the counselor in a very unflattering black wig.

Ended Saturday night at Dave Johnson's house. A sort of old timey romantic gentleman and free spirit, Dave asked if anyone wanted to two step. B.J. and I had just been talking with a girl who danced at SIUE. Dave swooped her off her feet and twirled he around the room. She shouted out "look at me I'm dancing the two step". I heard joy in their footsteps. Their dance ended as her taxi arrived and she took off into the night. Late night spontaneity.

Cam and I finished Drive By Installation today. Check out the corner of Compton and Cherokee to see this new incarnation of the ant circus.

The Visitor who wasn't There and A Weekend of Performance

2009-11-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

photo of Bruce Nauman

Last week, my dear friend Christy from Chicago, called to ask if I could help find a place for one of her projectionists to stay as they attended a conference. I sent out a general facebook email to film and art supporters. With amazing generosity Gary Passanise offered up his cave studio- as he had moved out and the new tenant was not yet in the space. The one condition was that Doug M, the visitor, had to vacate the space on Friday for a performance. I thought that Cam and I would not be great hosts for Doug because we were preparing and then installing at Snowflake's Drive By Space.

When Doug rolled into town on Wednesday I had him meet me at Local Harvest for a vegan lunch meal. I then took him on a fast South side tour to the studio spaces. If you have not been to Gary's studio, it is an amazing space carved into the rock wall of the bluffs along the Mississippi. The entrance is an Alice in Wonderland keyhole that opens up into a giant space. Complete with primitive kitchen, zen bathroom, contemplation room, James Bond bedroom, and 18ft studio painting walls, visitors leaving this space also like to call it the bat cave. (or maybe I heard Laura Fried say that and it just stuck?) Anyways we were just sort of giddily joyfully walking around the space feeling amazed that Doug got to stay there and that it was a sort of one of a kind experience. This made me wish that we could just regularly have a visiting artist program where people could stay at Gary's space.... Em H. also stated something of the sort to me. I left Doug there with promises that he would leave no trace behind and went to work....
I kind of like being a tour guide because when someone else finds St. Louis amazing, I find it to be a little more exciting as well. Each time I called Doug the next couple of days, he continued to express his delight about the almost magical experience he was having as he visited St. Louis this felt sort of contagious to me.

If there is too much to do over a weekend is that a strong sign of the city's vitality?

Friday night went to the Here they are once again for their very first 7th Annual Midwestern Assorted Produce Snuff Shorts Film Triennial, a video and performance exhibition that includes no films. Performance at Boots. I Watched a guy Ross Moreno try to "break" a Guiness Book of World Records for most balloon animals made. Dressed in clown shoes, rainbow wig, suspenders, shorts, fake nose, no top, he reminded me slightly of Bruce Nauman's piece currently up at MCA. His actions were different in that he interacted with the audience by passing out dog twisted balloons. The harder he tried to make the balloons rapidly the more he became flustered and the more balloons that popped. Finally he had an all out tantrum, someone from the audience threw a beer at him (planned) and he left the room. Perhaps some commentary on masculinity , the futility of a sisyphean task, or a commentary on the people that go after this funny little feats. The human need to be important and immortalized.

Left this performance for one at Gary's Studio or "Studio E" as performed by BFA Webster Student Nick Jacobs. After a long wait, the lights turned down and Nick walked out topless in jean shorts and socks. He climbed up onto a row of dressers that were painted black and lined up like runway. Moving to the front of one of the dressers, he began to talk about early sexual warnings; like never wear socks while having sex. So he pulled off his socks one at at time. Then while clutching two neon lights, he said how sex would hurt like hell and the threw the light down. They shattered. I was unfortunately seated on the ground and nearly pelted with light shrapnel. Then he said something about "wanting to do it over and over" and threw the final light. Next he began to chug tons of creamer and then spew it towards the audience, towards the ground, onto himself, and then finally onto reflections of himself in the mirror. This repeated. I interpreted it as coming to terms with sexual identity that involved revulsion but also act of acceptance in the retelling.

Ran into Doug again Sat. morning and he continued to celebrate his St. Louis love saying he thought he liked it even better than Chicago and heralding a street like Cherokee where "vintage shops, music shops, and galleries, lay side by side". Cam and I went for a long day at Snowflake were we began to build our latest incarnation of the Ant Circus installation.

I rushed home so I could pick Keith Bucholdz up in time to prepare for Fluxus Performance at Artica. Keith invited Eric Repice and I to perform with him. He had created Fluxus score of pieces from the 60's till now. Before we went on, I even got to make a music video to Prince's Raspberry Beret, by way of Eleanor Balson's Music Video setup. Cam announced each of our performances from the stairwell. I had fun trying to keep a straight face as we did small actions like shuffling into and around the room, or standing and doing absolutely nothing for a few minutes. I especially enjoyed George Brecht's Water Music where we slowly dropped water into a bowl on the ground and a small sound piece developed in the action. Photo below of George Brecht.

Heard from Doug last night he even scored tickets to Leonard Cohen. How did he do it? Today we went back to Snowflake for several hours, we've been gifted with unconditionally warm weather, it's been a great day to install. This next week I'll be preparing for CAT workshop again and finishing up the Drive By Install.

What importance are holiday rituals?

2009-11-01T16:07:00.000-08:00

I start this by saying, I had a completely lame Halloween. The weekend started out strong, Gordon Matta Clark Opening at the Pulitzer, Both ends together show at Fort Gondo. Then on Saturday Cam and I became bogged down by work. First we spent three hours looking at property 'cause we are thinking of rehabbing a building for studio-live space. Then we spent 5 hours in the studio, which often is a admirable way to spend a weekend, but not so good on Halloween.
This year I did not have Halloween ritual, no pumpkin carving (I did paint a pumpkin), no daily shot of candy, no trick or treaters at my house. 10:30pm at my house, post studio, I started feeling sad and remorseful. In an attempt to bring alive a little Day of the Dead I asked Cam to tell me about people in his life that he'd lost. - like what kind of food they liked and what they enjoyed doing. This brought some closeness between us and I was able to think about my own grandmother who is probably at this point the greatest absence in my life.

Anyways In years past I've participated in Day of the Dead in Mexico City which lasts three days, by walking around and looking at shrines. Day of the Dead on Cherokee Street which consisted of an impromptu parade, shrines, and shared food. I have a close childhood friend who regularly threw creative Halloween parties. In college we would go to multiple costume parties. One year with three friends and a dog we coordinated to be the Scooby Doo Gang. As a child, I went trick or treating in homemade costumes that I spent weeks making.
I love costuming and performance. I like the trickster quality of Halloween where people transform in to something or someone else for the night. What I learned this year was don't forget to keep your holiday traditions a priority.
This lack of Halloween led to a little relationship understanding as I learned my need for connection and community is at times in opposition to Cam's need for solitude and hermit-ness. That seems to be okay as long as we don't stop being ourselves.
One of my interior struggles as an artist are I want both connection and solitude. I want to generate something that I am proud of that can embody my ideas about the world and then I really enjoy sharing that with people.

Do I take myself too seriously? I stumbled into an at times pretentious reading which left me thinking man why do these people take themselves so seriously. This led to a conversation with a friend about people who just want to make things that are good or poetic or performative, pick a word. Not everyone needs to make something that has a social or community consciousness, which I agree with and I myself suffer. Sometimes I might just want to make a painting about beauty or personal experience. I'm probably most interested in people that embody both ideas; they take them self seriously and they are playful or they acknowledge that it out of their control, in the end anyways. Probably my pet peeve is just perpetual name droppers.

Pulitzer Show is a strong one, especially if you've never seen a Gordon Matta Clark show before. I saw it a few years ago at MCA in Chicago and it was stellar. This is a nice re-situating of some of these pieces. A few are more provocative, like the four corners of the home that are positioned to suggest the rest of the building, inside a small room that creates an intimate experience. Also really was interested in the trash wall piece as I'd seen the video of WU students collecting trash and knew that one of my friends BJ Vogt had helped cast that piece. I enjoyed that there was a performative fluxus quality to this piece as it seemed to be about collaboration, following directions, and collecting in space in a manner that was semi-performative for the student collectors. (I saw footage of two guys lugging a couch down the road). I missed however the takeaway quality of the Walls paper. That seemed to me to be an essential part of Clark's work, that this was something that any person could take and then contribute to their space somehow.

Cherokee Street Both ends show at Gondo was a nice conglomeration of artifacts, brainstorms, and ephemera from past Cherokee projects and collaborations. It hinted at the history of art and activism on the streets and switched the context of much of the art from hanging on community art space walls, at local businesses, and home walls to the temporary gallery space.

Have also been meaning to talk about being in the CAT class at RAC only am puzzled about how to describe an experience that is partially meant to be kept among the members at the meetings. Although very time consuming as evident by the three day marathon meetings and outside meetings with mini groups, I am looking forward to the little nuggets of ideas and approaches for community art projects. Also it has been a treasure for me to discover an entire new network of artists working in and around St. Louis.

Thrill the World the international M.J. dance performance was a success over a 100 people. One ritual I did not miss this year! Here is a picture of me in my costume.

All ritual was not lost! Today I had my unofficial Halloween celebration. I started doing laundy at my parent's house, where I was able to eat at least 4 hershey miniature candies. Then I went down to Cherokee Street for the Dia de Los Muertos gathering put together by Minerva. I saw a few ofrendas, ate some free bread and cake, got a sugar skull from Minerva, and then sat to draw one of the ofrendas. There was even a spontaneous low rider car parade down the street! Minerva said she'd been getting slack from people on facebook about not having more stuff going on, it sounds like there weren't many people that came out to help support and make other events happen. Who knows maybe its the slow economy or too much going on elsewhere....Reguardless I got a little bit of the connection that I was missing.

BocoMo in a day

2009-09-28T05:16:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Cam and I took our time traveling to Columbia and stopping at Garage Sales and antique malls on the way. We wanted to be there by 5 for my friend Janel's b-day. My most exciting purchases were a vintage hat and quilt patterns that are essentially cardboard stencils. I am still looking for odds and ends to build part 2 of ant circus, a miniature circus scene.

What you are doing now as a group does matter.

2009-09-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'd been wondering how to honor MJ's legacy, as I did not feel a part of the media flurry after his death. My zumba teacher Katie provided me the answer this past week. She invited me to her Thrill the World dance practice. This month and half class will end by participating in the round the world Thriller Dance a shared dance that occurs simultaneoulsy on October 25th. There are two classes that meet at Brentwood Y on a regular basis and one crash course class. Apparently the world record was set by Austin, TX when they had 800 people dance together.

When my brother and I were little Thriller was one of the only things we could agree on. We spent hours coordinating dances in my parents basement that would involve us sliding down the stairs and then posturing with our Jackson 5 gold glove (we shared this treasure). The actual coordinated Thriller video was awe inspiring for me and I never imagined that it could be broken up into manageable learned steps. I am also interested in this whole concept of Thrill the World as it reminds me of Adrian Piper's Project Funk Lessons where she taught people how to dance to funk music. Not only does it bring me extreme joy to be in a dance class with people of all ages, but also I crack up when we are doing moves with names like "booty bump" and "wuz happening?". There is a sort if acceptance of body and movement that happens when were all contorting in front of a wall of mirrors.

This is also fulfilling to me as I've been seeking out rituals. I've been thinking a great deal about rituals; ones that are out of the norm or everyday. This weekend I've had a series of satisfying art experience and I think it is because they have tapped into an aspect of this idea.

A local gospel choir opened up and invoked a little soul/jesus into Boots on Friday night. Theaster Gates, artist, followed their moving songs with a welcome relinquishing the creatorship of the objects on the wall to his neighborhood, as they were all simply things he'd collected around him. A spoken word poet began to question what was god and where was god and how did people experience god. Then Theaster and his Black Monks of Mississippi started to sing. They sang songs about Dave the Slave Potter. His stories seemed to be mixed in with contemporary observations that I imagine Theaster and his group had experienced. The sound was Lou Rawls meets Paul Robeson meets Soweto Choir meets Last Poets. Ritual of song and storytelling.

Kick in the butt Saturday as I wasted much of my day waiting for Cam and then just headed to the studio to spend hours cutting magazines. Went o White Flag for the Destroy all Monsters show, DaM was a collective out of Detroit that experimented with art, music, video, and zines. This show was a celebration of ephemera and archives from their practice. Pop Collages with images of B movies, psychedelic patterns, art folk, and landmarks were printed on sign banners hung on all the walls. Cases located throughout the gallery featured collected artifacts like slogan pins, action figures, and print material. On the ground videos played montages of b movies and dance shows that reminded me of St. Louis public access programs. Towards the end of the show, one of the original Monsters joined musicians in playing a spontaneous set. As Detroit and St. Louis have often paired as similar cities, I was struck by how I could imagine this same stuff coming out of artists in St. Louis. As if the show was saying, what you, St. Louis are doing as a group, does matter now. Those expecting to see work like Mike Kelly's were probably disappointed as there was not much evident object-making or handmade. However it is possible to imagine his present video work, the piece were he recreated high school events, coming out of this sort of pop culture outsider geekery fascination. Archives of a ritual that once was.

Tonight I return from The Books performance at The Luminary Center. The basement space was filled by a calm polite crowd. When the Lymbic System began three quarters of the crowd sat on the ground. This practice continued through the night. One surprising aspect of the Books performance for me was their use of video as an aspect of the song. It seems cool for performers to use visuals to back up their music, very rarely do I see videos that work in tandem with the music. Their penchants for collecting sound was paralleled by a sorting of visuals from video tapes found at thrift stores. Ambulating, stream of conscious, metaphors. Everyday rituals, boiling tea water, women in a group laughing, hugging games, children jumping in snow, human fly, babies eating, bugs crawling, heart beating, girls shooting guns, old men trying on hats, disaster videos from the 1930's. Chris Marker on fast forward edited to match the beats of music.

Nature of the Beast

2009-09-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Work by Mamma Anderson

Insecurity, gossip, self doubt, depression, are these the nagging dark sides of an artist's personal practice? Saturday night in the bench corner of Fort Gondo, myself and small group of artists pondered the, at times, manic ego of an artist. This conversation was spurred by two things.

One, the ravings of an artist about his disappointments with the GRB selection where this person went as far as to accuse one artist of "paying off the museum". (To quench any doubts on this subject, I can vouch that this winner had no money for any sort of bribes.) One person suggested that perhaps this raving artist was really just entirely insecure, to which another person responded he was entirely secure, to which another replied, then he must be completely insecure. I myself have been guilty of critiquing an artist in the past, I'd like to think though that was I was more disappointed with this individuals artworks and tried to not let the personality be a part of the critique.

my own image Kali taking on all of man's inhumanity.

Still I think there is an unspoken artistic etiquette.
Here are some of my peeves.
Someone that talks about themselves all the time. Unnecessarily Cocky.
Laziness, does not work hard or appears to not do the best work they can.
Is disrespectful- this includes is sexist or does not view me as an artistic equal. This could also mean that they don't respect people in general and treat other human beings (museum staff, janitors, children) as if they are not as important.
Lacks integrity.
Is patronizing.

All right so I contradict myself a bit, if an individual is many of the above most likely, I will be less interested in their art work. That's just me though.

Back to the conversation, so I shared my own past insecurities about my partner's success and that was when I said it was the nature of the beast. When many people are competing for a few awards, it definitely riles egos. I like to see it all as one giant crap shoot where you have to just keep making sure you throw the dice. To some extent hard work and social networking can pay off but when it comes to a jury, what one group might embrace, another might reject. There is a tendency to get caught up in it, this game, at which point an artist has to remind themselves why they are in it in the first place, to make art.

The second catalyst was the show at Snowflake that was honoring a young musician that had recently committed suicide. Which to me got at another issue, you just never know who is suffering depression. Amazing artists can struggle with any of these issues. I'd like to believe that graduate school taught me that an artist did have to be functioning and smart in order to succeed. That there is not some sort of Van Gogh tortured artist myth curse we are stuck with and will encounter throughout our lives. Grad school did not teach me that, it taught me that you could make work with a mental illness and you could not make work with a mental illness. It taught me that someone could be an inconsiderate person and still achieve but people remembered that so it might bite that person later. Some people are really good at playing the art world game or the university game and if they are super caught up in it, probably they aren't making much work. On the other hand a person could be making a ton of work and no one may ever see it. Bottomline I think if someone is just making art in St. Louis so they can be an art star, probably they need to move and become a musician.

Maybe none of it makes sense or is ever clear perhaps it is all slightly silly and irrational. This was one sentiment I left with at the recent Contemporary Show, which I enjoyed quite a bit and I plan on returning to on my own. There was a conflation of
the ridiculous and the intellectual, closed off presentation and spontaneous appearing to not care, but caring. Where we supposed to be getting it or was it the not getting it but just enjoying that aspect a part of it? I feel like I am saying tongue twisters.

In summation I am as guilty as anyone else of suffering the initially stated mental plagues and wish to find ways to transcend them and not have the own me. With that said, my best strategies have included communication, counseling, and a constant vigilant check in with myself that- I am doing what energizes me most in the world.

I also try to find a few small things to appreciate.
Here goes this week:

1. Irma Thomas, listening to her record at Vintage Vinyl brought a tear to my eye. Early ep with It's Raining that sounds warm and totally low tech. What a voice.

2. Food Alchemy, made leftover crusty chinese rice into rice pudding. A squash gifted from Lyndsey became Au gratin that even my picky b.f. wanted to eat.

3. Almuerza with Lyndsey, we had a big shared making of lunch and then lots of conversation (charlamos), Spanish style because of the time and companionship.

4. Sharing my studio with my Aunt and Uncle who are crazy craft hobbyists, a quilter and hunter, seeing how jazzed they were about the Arcadia Space.

5. Studio time. Post burn out, I have been back in the studio like mad, I am in my Mamma Anderson derivative painting, cause I am trying to get why I love her so much.

Elysia Mann in photo.
6. Steven and Elysia, they are just awesome. I love their enthusiasm, hardwork, and bravery. I am proud of the risks they have taken to open All Along Press and make a go at a community printshop.

7. My sister, she is a total badass and just won her first marathon.

8. Got into CAT institute. I am looking forward to the new community I will meet.

Labor Day: Another reason not to work.

2009-09-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

This week started and stopped with me seeing Brandon Anschultz. Last Sunday post blog he invited me to a Prince party at Open Lot thrown by his friend April. Part of my european summer theme was to accept invitations to random parties. Dressed in my Prince Halloween costume from last year, I had fun eating purple punch and prince cookies. Since I had to teach the next morning I sadly did not get to stay long for the dance party.

Today Cam and I took down our show at Laumeier, Brandon was there again, this time he was helping de-install another person's room. Here's a pic of him. Brandon is a hard working artist, in addition to his personal practice he works with installation at Laumeier, CAMSTL, and runs the Des Lee Gallery. He seems to do all this with a positive attitude.

Here's a shot of the interior of the Laumeier building. I was fascinated by how the sky was purple and the room appeared turquoise. I've got to say I had fun working on the de-install what a sense of productivity to unscrew an entire room of cardboard with a drill.

Wanted to respond a bit to last weeks posting about dealing/ feeling comfortable with my bf's success. As it is, there are only a handful of these rewards, whenever one person wins there are a lot of people who lose, besides me. I've got to think that losing brings up the same sort of response in other people.
Cindy Tower reminded me that to some extent this art world is still male dominated. I'm not trying to pull the whole male/female card, but I recently read a posting about the amount of female artists represented by major New York Galleries in comparison to male and there was a huge difference. 30+ of the top names had 99-60% men. In 2006 of 297 one person shows, 23% were by women. I really appreciate that Cam is open to hearing me talk about this stuff, I feel more comfortable overall with the insecurity I experienced and because of that it has greatly diminished.

Thursday had an incredible class with my 8th grade. Only seeing them once a week, I struggle to get them really involved in a project when we get such short spurts of time. We were on day 2 of a painting project and they all became independently involved in their individual projects. Beautiful to see them working on things that they did not even seem to think they could initially accomplish. I love to see them think big.

Experienced a sort of satisfied closure with the parade, after I talked about it during CAT interview. I did not anticipate that I would feel ready to move onto my next body of work just from an interview. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get in.

One of my favorite flowers is in bloom right now, the mexican tuberose. They were at the Soulard Market on Sat. I love these plants because just one can haunt a room with a gorgeous light smell.

I've been feeling optimistic this week I had a great deal of studio time. Friday and Saturday I had big chunks of time there.
Hope all are having a restful Labor Day and will not do to much work. I myself am looking forward to not waking up at 6 am tomorrow.

Daunting Tasks require Patience.

2009-08-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

Trying to get out of burnout can be a daunting task and patience is essential. I had been having a rejuvenating week, completion of projects was complimented by writing for new ideas. Working out happened in the same way that working in the studio occurred.

Thursday I was ready for a break and going to Cam's Mastermind award through the RFT sounded delightful. Having never been before I imagined that it would be a sit down dinner. I was surprised to find more of an all over art show at the Artist Guild with appetizer catering and many bars. The bars featured three drink types; beer, wine, or a vodka mixed drink thats main ingredient was mineral water. The same mineral water that crashed the parade. These people get around. Gina Alvarez is managing the gallery, I was excited to see what she had been doing to the space including setting up a print shop. I was glad to run into Steve and Elysia from All Along Press screen printing in the basement.
As any group show a mixed bag some nice shoehorn Brother Mel pieces and a favorite found object piece by our (cam and mine) old artist landlord Gwyn Wahlman. She let us live in a cabin in her woods one winter for a few months. Also I was intrigued by a piece that involved three thickly painted black lines on a wall. Blending into one of the lines was a black leather purse. This piece did not in my mind need the ceramic portion and gold doily. Don't know the artists name.
Anyways I've had sort of Stealing Beauty dream to attend a weird outdoor party, like in that movie, and I thought this was the St. Louis equivalent. Firedancers, bellydancers, naked painted people, live art, comedians, a sort of continous spetacle, this was very odd, and fun to be a peoplewatcher. One of those parties where I say to myself "Where did all these people come from?." The owner from Pi sponsored Cam's award and I was surprised to see how young he was, as well as, to learn that that he had moved away from St. Louis and then returned opening the restaurant. He was interested in antiques and we discussed hot spots for a good deal.

Next day.

Find out another award is announced. Cam gets a lot of recognition and that's one awkward thing about artists dating artists. I have to remind myself not to compare his success with my own. We see each other as equals, as it should be. Nonetheless when Cam receives tons of accolades I honestly am a mixture of happiness and questioning. Things like what does he do different than I? How does he present himself so that these things happen? I don't really care if its money or an article, what I like is that its a bit of encouragment. Like saying-- keep doing what you do.

This gets to Jamie Kreher and Brett. I had coffee with Jamie on Friday and she is one of my favorite artist companions. One project that Jamie and Brett have going is that they randomly give out artist mini-grants. Whatever they can. One day they sent me a letter and then put a little mini grant in it for my next project. I haven't spent it yet because I consider it good luck and i wanted to donate it to Cam's institute. Nonetheless its a great notion and functions like how a thank you letter or a cheerleading card might work. (cheerleading card is an art note that makes someone feel better about what they are working on or how they function in the world, Lyndsey Scott is a leader is this medium.)
Back to Jamie reasons I like her are:
She works in a completely opposite medium of my own and with a different material handling and we are still able to have very engaging conversations about our work.
She is a very dedicated supporter of the art community and gets out to her friends shows.
The seriousness with which she approaches her own art career.
Her sarcastic sense of humor.

Robert Goetz show at Webster. Clean slow visuals of the top of a tree that was assume is being chopped down by the sound of chainsaw and subtle swaying. Visuals remind me of Sofia Coppola Virgin suicides. Sunspots through trees, slow changing clouds. When the tree falls I am sad and thrilled, we've been waiting so long but gee it leaves a whole in the forest. He later posted in a critical mass email; something that now I can only recall the sentiment- good and bad we make art, happy and sad, we do it for ourselves because no one else in the world may care. Kind of reminds me of watching a tree fall down.

Back to boyfriends that score art world points. So on Saturday I woke up and I was feeling sorry for myself. I took myself out to breakfast and wrote in my journal. After returning home I was uplifted by a conversation with friend Amy. I hang up and the visuals come. Swirling half visions, I can't see the computer screen. Rendering me an insane hypersensitive sick person, this migraine compels me to cover my windows, drink a soda (caffeine), sit in child's pose, eat a tuna sandwhich, and then finally give up. This is really why I hate them so much, there's nothing I can do and when they arrive i have to be a part of excruciating pain. Patience.

So what caused what? Did the impending unexplained migraine cause my emotional depression and doubt or did the emotions cause the migraine? No idea. I lost a few hours, got up, and went to draw. That evening I watched No Country for Old Men. Javier Barden is positively frightening and unstoppable, death, as Cam likes to say.
Walking a dog at 1am, Cam and I are transported into the movie world. A car stopped at the stop sign on my street is honking as loud country music blares. I get closer and peering into the window see a girl on top of a guy having sex. We figure her butt is making the horn honk. A car stops behind the sex car. I ask Cam is we should tell them. He says leave them alone cause they (sex car) might be tweakers. We continue on. The next morning while walking to the park, we see a burned up van parked in someone's alley space. We see it as another casuality from the previous evening.

Today if you wanted to pretend you were in another country, the place to be was the festival of nations. Highlights are the Argentinian empanadas, known to have huge lines since they are so popular. It was so cold that I bought an Indonesian Pashmina at the Kenyan booth. These places are where I feel my paintings are alive as I see traditional costumes from some other place and time walking with the hipsters, ladies with missing teeth, and old beer belly men.

Work Less=Ways to Recharge when you can't afford or there is no time for a vacation.

2009-08-23T15:14:00.000-07:00

Burnout

This summer I got burned out on teaching. Essentially, I booked myself in a way that left me no breaks for vacation. One thing after another and another. Like an addiction, I had been laying stuff on myself for the past year, do more, manage more, you can handle it. Almost like the more I completed, the more accomplished=satisfied I would feel. It wasn't all about accomplishment. Some jobs were about keeping my word, and some, in the past I had enjoyed, why not in the future. Nonetheless, I began to obsessively dream about traveling back to Spain and I felt really discontent about my life here.

I composed lists like this in my journal

How to feel like you are living in Europe for the summer
-Take bike rides and walks
-Be open to adventures
-Give self permission to be lazy
-Talk to strangers and create new relationships
-Shop at the market
-Attend late night unexpected parties.

or Lists like this

I dream
to travel to Africa
to backpack Europe with Cam
to go to India, South Aftica.
to scuba dive
to surf

Keeping to these lists was a little harder as I was working full time.
There came a day when I could not even convince myself that I had to do something. My mind and will went on protest. Mid-July my work became a little simpler and I started to have an hour or so in the afternoons so I began to think of mini- vacations; writing at coffee shops, reading books, drawing, naps. It seemed to catch me up, but I wasn't able to recharge myself.

One job ended and another started. Finally I decided to let one of my community college know that I was not able to do one of the classes they had offered me, art appreciation, a class that is particularly time consuming and not my second nature. I needed a break. Plus I was on for a class at another college. I could not keep up at that pace (4-5 jobs).

That class has ended up not filling. Suddenly I am theoretically about to have some time. I just haven't entirely seen it yet. For the first few weeks I had a lot of outside prep at my middle school, then I had written applications due for the GRB and CAT applications. I am having money anxiety, in spite of the fact that the work still continues. Funny how silly the mind can be. As an artist I want to be responsible, healthy, mentally sane. I pride myself on paying my bills, so even the notion of possible slow times freaks me out. This is the same thing I've wanted the entire summer. Here's what idea wins. To invest in the needs of myself and the odd workings of my soul is to invest in my own career and well being.

Bottomline one of hardest thing about being an artist is balancing the time it takes to work jobs with studio time and with application time. I am excited that with this new space I might be able to apply to more shows and residencies as well as finish up old projects. Acknowledging all my travel bug obsessions, I am considering putting in a Fulbright application.

Troll sleeping beauty- this is what I felt like this weekend going out. To backtrack, as a result of all the work, I became a troll this past summer, because I was often too tired to go out or just not wanting to be social. People don't believe me when I say I am a forced extrovert, but its true. Sometimes I'm at an event and one of the following three things happens.
1) I don't know what to say to the people around me.
2) I've forgotten someone important's name.
3) I'm just wanting to be making something at the studio but I've come out because as my grad writing teacher said "in an art community you go out and support your friend's stuff cause that is what you do and they are your contemporaries and thats how you make a scene."

Friday evening I'm sad, its one of those days when I've accomplished a ton of work in my apartment, but have not left the room. I didn't feel accomplished, i felt emptiness. Not knowing what I wanted to do, Cam talked me into going to Travis' house were I was crashing,unbeknownst to me, a "guys nite" This was probably my first ever true guys night. In typical guy style there was Bison Burgers, beer, and action flicks (Iron Man). In a more surprising element I did get to hear the guys discuss shoes (eh gads I felt so unstylish in my birkenstocks), being a waterboy, soccer players (what was a woman's fantasy athlete?), and car accidents. I was happy that all these guys let me join in, they cheered up my previous melancholia.

Saturday after a rousing day of studio-booksale, I went to investigate Emily H's Spore Project. In summary, Emily is traveling to the pacific northwest in her van. Robert Long has built a small walled in space that fits in the trunk of her car. Pulling together works from many different friends, she has assembled a traveling art show of work that she intended to reflect St. Louis, community, and land use. Arriving at Arcadia studio, I went downstairs to see her tent ( a craft popup tent that she has draped with a patchwork of colored fabrics) surrounded by table with art setting on it. People were hanging out at the loading dock looking at Simiya Suduth's sculpture in Emily's car gallery. These appeared to be a series of ceramic forms resembling stalactites. The shorter forms had upside down mason jars attached to them that contained plants. They were possibly biospheres, although I am not sure if they were engineered for the plants to grow. Around 9 many people entered Emily's tent and she did an improptu performance with her new guitar pedal.

After that everyone was invited to Kevin Harris' space for a sound performance. Kevin has a made a series of instruments that are one part electronic, one part found object, and one part mad scientist. A fan kiln appartus spun and emitted different tones depending on its speed. As he manipulated a flashlight up and down a series of shrieky tones responded. Kevin has one of the best studio views in town, you can see the Mississippi River through the windows. I overheard Michael Allen aptly describe the experience of this music space as he imagined the noises were sent out by the tugboats on the river.

Emily performed again after Kevin. I've been a long time friend of Emily and I think I can fairly say, and if you know her you'd agree, she's a bit of a Diva. Her musical influences to my understanding have included; growing up singing in traditional catholic church choirs, listening to goth, girl rock, indie rock, folk, kirtans. Her voice used to mainly focus on the operatic. A few times we were in some gypsy music circles and we had fun playing of each other( me on guitar and backing vocals her lead). Truth be told she did not like my lady soul music and one summer complained about how much I played Aretha Franklin. What a surprise to hear here finally belting out some soul sista like chants. Almost like she was possessed by African spirituals, that had to escape her body. As she sang, she layered her own voice, and tried to harmonize with her past self. Finally I was getting a sense for her stage name Ghosts I have been. In true diva style she was singing with her favorite voice, her own. Great show and Good Luck to Emily on her adventures.

(stencil by Cam Fuller)

Older Performance by Emily
Also I have been reading a bit of this blog about local art stuff and I just found they wrote some nice stuff about our riverfront space. St. Louis Art Map

In summary, lots of work (tired), less work (charging), moderate work (trying to recharge).
and Ways to recharge besides working less include:

-cook meals or go out to eat
-read books
-visit a library
-garage sales or visit Cranky Yellow, old junk is inspiring.
-do something cultural; visit an art museum, circus, concert.
-go watch someone else do something, do not be the main act.
-yoga and other forms of physical activity, but its not about accomplishment or competition.
-writing letters to old friends, facebook will do ok.
-a really great tasting food- it could be a drink, dessert, main course, whatever.
-visit some place that has history for you, like a place you used to live, it will remind you why you left, usually with relief.
-coffee
-international grocery stores
-make art in a way you don't usually
-people watch
-naps
-read poetry or write poetry
-space out on youtube or TED I recommend the Elizabeth Gilbert talk.
-start watching a really bad tv show for a few days, even you people that claim to never watch tv. i.e. I have now seen 3 episodes of the Seeker.
-Sale shopping,( I'm a girl that loves loathes fashion).
-complete unfinished project, ah what a relief to not have to think about that one anymore!
-find things to take to Goodwill and do it!
-Go on an I-spy walk with a confidant.

Al Phillips and Open Studios

2009-07-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

I don't normally post on Saturdays but its been an exhausting day of socializing and mourning. Heat sick. Tired. I find that about the only thing I am suited for right now is writing and watching TV.

Today Arcadia was a part of CAMSTL's open studio. Cam and I spent the morning rushing to complete last minute preparations as our friends trickled in to our space.

I always toy in my mind with what is the best manner to approach the open studio. In past years I have held a Yart Sale, had artwork for display, and built elaborate installations with CAM. Bottom line a lot of people tend to come out for the event as long as there are a gathering of multiple artists. Its not an event where I have ever sold much work. The weather fluctuates but tends to be on the hot side (why not an open studio in September just after schools are back in session?). As an artist I'd say the greatest benefit to the opens studios is for connecting with fellow artists and networking with general public. In cleaning up the space and hanging out with my other studio mates for the duration of the day, we seem to have done a nice bit of community building. I loved catching up with old teachers, friends, and fellow art geeks. The only drawback is that I miss visiting artists studios that are open the same day as my own.

Truth be told I've been teaching quite a bit this summer and my own practice has slowed down to drawing and video editing. Shoot, my blogging has been nilch. But I don't want to make excuses----> Chris Baker this old high school friend has an entire project about blog excuses.

A few art highlights this summer include:
Doug Aiken video at SLAM
Chantal Akerman at CAMSTL, it's worth it to sit through one of her entire films.
Sonic Youth on Riverfront.

I haven't got to see everything this summer because of my busyness that I am trying to slow down. Regrets. Regrets.

I am regretting that my friend/acquitance Al Phillips passed away and I only knew him through a handful of experience. Every time I saw Al he greeted me with absolute joy. He had a way of making each person feel unique and special. He was a regular supporter of Cindy Tower's participatory projects. That's him on the far right in the photo below.
I first met him through SCOSAG at the Potter's Workshop. He shared with me his passion for helping kids through the Katherine Dunham foundation. He mentored a young man, Antwoine, for the past four years, who just opened his own car wash on Vandeventer with the support of Al.
Al was an interior designer, art supporter, and people organizer. He managed to overcome a difficult childhood and later proudly define himself as a gay african american male. I have been struck by Al's belief that if you try to start something it will happen. I hear in retrospect that despite his hard work he went unrecognized for his contribution to various local projects. Cindy wonders if this might have broken his heart.
Part of Al remains a mystery, he died of a heart attack surprising most of his close friends and a few months before his death he sent a text message to close friends asking them to tell his story, not let it be told by someone else or be forgotten.
Did he have a premonition of his death? We'll never know.

After his wake, friends gathered at a space to share his favorite foods: fried chicken, doritos and ranch, potato salad, chicken salad, and cookies. I was trying to think about what I wanted to take from his death.
I thought a few things.
First-Who am I not to be and to try to do all the things I dare to dream.

and second- It seems like a good day to start recognizing all the little accomplishments of my friends around me.

return from the deluge

2009-06-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

Ahhh this is the sound of my relief after three weeks no more like 3 months of sheer busyness. The past weekend completed opening at Laumeier with Cam. This show and the mass amount of work Cam and I were trying to complete is the reason I have not blogged in, I think, over three weeks. This is one of my biggest frustrations with myself when I have a show; I seem to miss and skip all these little, but nonetheless important, things in my life. Here is my recap of the past three weeks.

Completion: My college classes, my middle school classes. Graduated a rad group of 8th graders that I will miss dearly.
Built: a fake furniture home that I installed in my mother's basement, an ant circus, one tile mosaic for Marian middle.
Painted: the ornate roof of a circus wagon, a series of bushes.
Organized: studio (still in process) and Marian.
Cut out: 200+ leaves for cam.

Damage experienced for show;
1 freakout from three days of crashed computer holding 14+ hours of animation that then miraculously started working again on the third day at the computer store.
2 arguments with Cam due to both of us being stressed and not taking care of our self.
1 twisted ankle caused by my own ridiculous plunge into the pool as I was trying to be a bad ass swimmer at Masters. This is one I am still enduring.
1 embarrassing unladylike outburst at artist post party when I began dissing an artist after one two many glasses of wine.

Upside of these events:
Visit from my cousin, aunt, and new baby second cousin at opening.
Surprise visit from hero teacher that lives out of town.
Incredibly generous micro grant from Jamie and Brett to support my future endeavors---> Cam's next project...
Lovely review in rft by Jessica Barran about show at Gondo.
I returned to swimming, yoga, and zumba and was not completely out of shape.

The Laumeier opening was lovely. Green grass, full lawn, patio furniture, jelly belly's, music down the hill, patio, wine, light in trees, people talking about everything and nothing, circus wagon aglow. I just really liked being at that place that night. It reminded me of hanging out in parks with my friends i madrid when i was 17. Or sitting on the benches in a south american plaza and watching people wander by. The sad thing for me at the opening was not being able to touch base and connect with all the different people I saw there.

Today Cam and I began to breathe again, a little deeper, we cooked a big breakfast together and then went off to run errands. Then I just cleaned in the studio for a long time. I did not even finish, but what I began, felt great. Then Emily H was throwing a barbecue on the roof and at the back of the studio so i went there for a spell and had a great time connecting with Amy VonDonsel and Dave her bf. Also talked with Kevin McCoy and Jackie. Rebecca R. Jerome. Amy Broadway, Keith, Simiya and others.

I started feeling excited for my friends projects.
Jerome is taking an old man and his daughter on a "before i die i wanna journey" to NY.
Amy VonD is talking about a support fundraiser for Jeremy at City Art.
Dave a faux tennis league.
Kevin M is an inspiration with his rehabbed space.
Also got to talk with Tom Reed's daughter Charlotte who I think is very special and she pointed out somethings she liked in my art. I value a kids opinion.

Saying some thinking some about; how to support city art supply post robbery? is it volunteer watch with staff? fundraiser for j?
Also curious about Camp and how the open house went? I am wanting to become involved with this stuff but also trying to get a little of reflection time before i throw myself in a next project.

Chautauqua Wrap Up and A little Sunday Blues

2009-05-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

It's a slightly overcast Sunday and while I just finished a lovely picnic with Cam and Fam, I've got a little Sunday Blues.
Today was Mother's Day so my brother, Cam, and I prepared a meal of Paella, Bruschetta, Salad, and Brownies, for my mom (and dad). We took all the food to Tower Grove and set up a little picnic in the evening followed by a walk. All pretty good except for my twinge of blues....

Why I got the blues; perhaps it is because of all these super connecting events ending..the parade....the chautauqua.
Perhaps it is because Cam and I realized we are post project middle of the month near broke.
Perhaps it is because the week is about to start up again and we barely had a break.

1) Chautauqua. It seems nearly impossible for me to describe how fantastic the Chautauqua was. Although it took up each evening of mine for the past week. It was an incredible experience to hear about people's projects and connect with them in that setting. It was a sort of free Urban School. The space was one of the first community experiences I have felt in a long time. I already miss not seeing those people everyday! The other aspect was that when people stand up in front of a small group they get incredibly honest and real. I'm not just saying that to be cheesy but I really had a sense of understanding for people that I might not have even connected with previously. It just felt damn good to be learning and in dialogue and envisioning. Each night there were between 25-60 (last night)
Highlights include:
the crazy new music circle nintendo music maker.
how i started my space: each persons path to what they were doing now.
tech nite: michael allen and his crazy fantastic presentation. and then the whole group of us staying till midnite.
wed: I can't even pick a fav, but man it was great to hear about Anna Ieggeio's experiences with Rockaway.
thurs: beautiful music: Bangerrang, Flowers, Kevin B. , fun sharing films, Jeremy's little films, screening Yard Work.
I just feel this missing that it has ended. This and the parade make me wonder what I need to do next? I am trying to be open and listen to this.

2) Post Project Brokeness:
At some point Cam and I both realized we were low on funds today. It all started when I asked him to buy groceries, as it was his turn. Seems that both of us are low on funds. I am about to get a paycheck so not much a deal for me. But it brought up for us how frustrating it is that we spend most of our money on our projects. Cam in this scenario put money towards his circus wagon. I spent mine on stuff for the parade and show and Chautauqua. Little things that add up like postcards, copies, beer, food, water, rent, etc. One thing that is different between Cam and I, is that I make art on a budget and he will spend whatever it takes to get his project done. I'm really only mentioning this because I want to be transparent about this whole experience with parade and chautauqua and show. One downside is that I almost always spend more money on these things than on say, buying a new bra. Which leads me to think people don't make interesting art to make money, they do it because they have to. I always pray in these moments that I'll sell a painting or drawing or get a job that pays really well and requires little work time. We fought for awhile about these things ( how he avoids budgeting and I avoid student loan paperwork). Then we sort of bonded in our common feeling of frustration and our desire to figure out how to live making the things we love to make.

Who was the artist that convinced someone to buy a piece from him which was essentially him throwing money off a bridge into water?

3) Sunday Blues, sometimes I just get a little sad to slow down and gear up for the week.
----PAUSE------
Not much more to say right now. Just finished a conversation with Lyndsey and feel much more at peace.

Talking about how sometimes you just need to let the creative stuff in you flow out and manifest in its own time. Its okay to be awkward and molting/ transforming and even slightly weary from time or experience.

I was reminded that if anything should reassure me that things will work out, I just have to think of the weather for the parade and the amount of people that showed up!

In Awe of Cinco Parade

2009-05-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

After days of changing weather forecasts, I had begun to imagine worst case scenarios on Thursday and Friday. I imagined a group of us artists hanging out in the rain parading just to parade, sin audience. In my mind the band cancelled because they couldn't get their instruments wet, all the kid stayed inside, and my student were afraid to come. While I would have still reveled in the rain experience I couldn't help but be worried that it would have discouraged all the people that went into the planning of the event. I kept saying prayers, mantras, yogic intentions, anything that might invoke a weather change. The night before the parade I spent finishing the install of my show at Fort Gondo. When I went home I continued to work on the souvenir brochure for the parade all the while imagining that every name I was typing would be present. At 3:30 I finally went to bed.

Cam woke me up at 6:30 to prepare for the transportation of the circus wagon. He thought we needed to move it at an hour when not many people would be driving. I complained to him about how hard it was to wake up even stomping my feet. When we walked outside it was sunny with slight clouds. Somewhere in me the little flame of hope lit up. At our studio Cam got the wagon ready and I unloaded supplies from my car. I spoke briefly with Lyndsey on the phone about a dream of understanding she had where she understood our roles in the parade. Cam instructed me on how to follow him. As we began, I shot this photo from behind, all the while thinking about how hilarious it was to transport this structure. When Cam pulled onto Broadway I noticed how people's heads turned to look at the circus wagon. Jaws dropped at the bus stop. I was supposed to watch Cam but I found myself overcome with laughter. Arriving at the Lenador lot, I waved at Galen and Jessica who looked surprised to see Cam's structure.

Went home to shower, costume up, and prepare brochure. The lady at Kinko's loved my dress so much that that I decided to give her a milagro pin. She called me sweetie buns and thanked me enthusiastically. ONwords to meet up with Lyndsey back at CAMP, we ran the parade route in 20 mins flyering the parade route and yelling out to neighbors about the parade. We split up and as I walked down Cherokee through the people setting up tents, a mexican grandma from the third floor yelled down to my "i love your beautiful dress!". I told her it was for the parade at 1:11pm.

Back at Gondo with my volunteers we began to strategize arranging, lineup, release forms, etc. At this point I think I realized that the weather was going to hold out and I began to feel elated.

People began to arrive at Gondo volunteers, friends from out of town, students, photographers, friends from Grad school. People began to show up at the lot; the band, a group of bikers, Celestial theater, my hero art teacher. I was moving back and forth between Gondo and the lot bringing out water, getting volunteers t-shirts. I could see Lyndsey had a huge group forming at CAMP, they were pouring out the door and around the sidewalk.

As the band practiced in the lot, they called out to all the people in the neighborhood. People came out and sat on their front porches and kids ran down the street not wanting to miss out. I was reminded of the end of the movie the Music Man were all the town people come out to be in the band and they all know what to do, that after a total belief that they could not do it. The lot was brimming with people, more people than I even knew, or could have anticipated, people that had never even contacted me or rsvpd. . My first vision of 50 people had grown to 150. Friends in all kinds of crazy creative costumes; skeleton bikers, tornadoes, wielding giant puppets, dressed up as princesses, and kings of cherokee. The little girl i had practiced singing with the footbeat was proud to show me her orange dress she wore to match the hat and mask she had made last week at the costume workshop. Painted faces, my student in masks, cheerleaders, bike crews, moped crews, dogs, Galen's floats, it was all more fabulous than i could have envisioned. I still get the chills thinking about it. Where I had been worried about people showing up or them being bored as they waited, I saw instead people filling the lot with themselves and their conversations.

Lyndsey has lost her talking cone. I thought with this amount of people how will we get this parade going? We asked the police to use their bullhorn and they said yes. Lyndsey greeted everyone singing OhhhOhh Cherokee. I got on the mic and made a few requests about walking slow and directions for line up.

The parade started with the FootBeat. A Beautiful group of kids and adults behind the banner, singing songs with Celia. Lyndsey pushed the dragon coordinated with an endearing ragtag group of people around her. Two people activated cloths on the side of her making a flowing motion. People danced between the cloths, kids surrounded her in costumes. Other choir members fell into line around her. My Forest Park students grouped up behind them. They were followed by St. Cecilias dancer, a beautiful group of young dancers. Then custom bikers, then Peat in his truck. Next was Carolyn as the peacock flag thrower. Cam followed in his wagon followed by many of my grad school friends and other artists/performers. After them a church group of clowns. Then the Roosevelt Band. Bikers. A break dance float from Gondo. The moped crew. Scott Pondroms Fire Engine. Galen and the Radio Cherokee Skarekrau Radio Float.

People had come out to watch the parade! and in certain areas the intersections were packed!

As the coordinator I had the unique opportunity of running through and around all the different aspects of the parade. My favorite moments include:

-When Peat's car stalled and then the audience cheered as it started up again.
-Hearing people run up to the marching band and yell out to the kids they knew waving enthusiastically.
-Ladies dancing on the corner to the music in their bare socks because they had just ran out of their house.
-Singing with the footbeat and my college students who had not even anticipated they would be singing
-one of my students from the south side running up to me mid parade with his mask to catch up with his class.
-looking at the footbeat and all its beautiful diverse perfomers, dancers, singers etc.
-dancing with my high school friends that had come from out of town behind the marching band.
-hearing that St. Cecilias had lost their music at one time but they kept dancing to what they heard inside.
-Watching the breakdancer get off the float and onto the street to perform for a large crowd.
-Seeing Carolyn and her friend Emily march together, Emily protecting Carolyn and Carolyn with full flags flying.
-On Utah (and other people mentioned this moment to me as well) surrounded by houses, some of which were in deterioration, seeing kids come to their windows and wave down to us or even stick their heads out the window calling down to us! I never realized how significant and moving it would feel to parade down a street that might not ever have been a parade street. it felt like we were recharging the street with love and people power.
-Seeing Skarekrau radio come around the corner and waillll to the crowd holding their own and audience in their spectacular loud costumes and performance.
-Holding hands with my Footbeat friend as we approached the end of the parade and realizing how many people had gathered to watch us approaching.
-hearing people call CAM's structure the ark. Like we were all what had been contained inside.
-Jeff Miller as the bike crasher falling on the ground over and over.
-Singing cielito lindo with people on the street and in the choir.
-the awe of all the ambitious costumes: wesley's puppets, cindy's hurricane, the banana bike brigade, my brother as building, corey as earth, ann maree and jason as the boxers, amy all fab in ann maree's mirror cosutme, galen with the rickshaw as a sort of mexican wrestling beginning of man person, ben with his recycled homemade organ grinder, emily and her etheral bike, eric and michelle dressed up in eric's artwork, bill as the pitchie patchie man, brianna as country punker, and all the kids dressed up with faces painted! just too fabulous!

When the parade was over I think i felt the collective effervesence, the joy I had been anticipating. the only thing i regret was not having a picture or a space to reflect and thank the participants. I think/thought to some extent everyone wanted to be able to see each other at the end. Will Lieberman aptly described the parade as a sort of Stone Soup. I really like that idea.

I am struggling now to understand how the press has represented it; as my channel four interview turned in to a terribe piece on the swine flu that was interjected with parade clips and quotes. Meanwhile the post dispatch quoted an alderman who described the parade as too avant garde and another as not very Mexican. This was never billed as a Mexican Parade anyways. Those who were there and in it, got it I think. Galen described it as cultural architecture in a way we had created the largest performance art piece Cherokee Street had seen. I don't always have the words to describe how seriously I viewed this parade as an art piece. The works in it were primarily hand made, there was no funding-save money for a kid's workshop, and there was not advertising within the parade. People had been practicing for weeks to represent themselves as groups. I had multiple calls out to artists to participate. For me this was about bringing together people to celebrate the energy of a street, its own cultural diversity and those who are drawn to call this street a part of their St. Louis experience. Leaving the parade that day I was stunned by the amount of people that described this parade as the best they had seen in their life. Pretty good for a first year, no budget, all handmade event. Falling asleep that night after a long day, I thought about the parade in peru that had inspired it all. I realized that what had been significant for me about that parade was the way in which people occupied the streets as a group in spite of the history of sendero luminoso and inspite of the people they had lost in the street. They did it to defy these things and more so to celebrate their own human power to celebrate together.

I am reminded again of my fav. Thomas Merton passage from the Streets are For Celebration.....

Celebration is the creation of a common identity, a common consciousness. Celebration is everybody making joy.
Celebration is the beginning of confidence, therefore of power. When we laugh at them, when we celebrate, when we make our lives beautiful, when we give one another joy by loving, by sharing, then we manifest a power that they cannot touch. We can be the artisans of a joy they never imagined. We can build a fire of happiness in this city that will put them to shame.
They with their gold have turned our lives into rubble. But we with love will set our lives on fire and turn the rubble back into gold. It will not be just the crap that came out of the earth. This time the gold will have real worth. It will be the infinite value of human identity flaming up in a heart that is confident in loving. That is the beginnning of power, of transformation. Can the street become an inhabitable space? Yes, when it becomes a space for celebration.

A Week till it Begins

2009-04-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

Keith's Puppet

The parade begins in less than a week we are in our final organization. Here's a rundown of the general schedule.

10:00 Lot Volunteers Meet up for breakfast.
10:30-11:00 Volunteer Meeting
11:00-12:00 Costume preparation at Fort Gondo, face painting, meet and greet, costume assembly.
12-12:15 arrive at lot; street volunteers to posts.
12:15-12:45 Line up at lot. 3026 Cherokee next to Lenador the Black Forest Parking Lot
12:45-1:00 All people at lot
1:11 Parade Begins
2:00 Parade Ends At Parking Lot behind Globe Drug 2626 Cherokee;

*After the parade we would like to have a photo at the lot.

Volunteers are still needed to block the streets during the parade.
We also need one volunteer to sit in the Lenador lot and make sure people don't park there Sat. morning.

People can still join in the parade even if they have not signed up yet. Just meet us at the lot by 12:15. We also have extra costumes available and are looking for help for a few giant puppets.

Parade Updates
A few new exciting additions.
*Roosevelt High School is in all 42 of them will play!
* Ire Moped Crew will have between 15-20 bikers.
*Fort Gondo float with grafitti artists and break dancers!
*Radio Cherokee float featuring Skarekrau Radio playing on back.
*Maya Escobar will be dress as Frida Kahlo.

Chautauqua Art Lab is also coming together.
Here is our most updated calendar.

Cherokee Street
Chautauqua Art Lab (CQAL)

Map the multi-verse with controversial artists/speakers, pots and pans music makers, and film bricoleurs constellating for the temporary art and technology project co-organized by Eric Repice, Sarah Paulsen, and Emily Hemeyer. The series of nightly collaborative educational gatherings is inspired by the historical Chautauqua adult education movement in the US and features participatory panels, music soundscapes, and video screenings.

When: May 3-7th each night, 6:30 PM -10:00 PM

Where: Fort Gondo, 3151 Cherokee Street, St. Louis, MO, USA

Why: Learn, Include, Collaborate, Constellate (L.I.C.C.). “Chautauqua is the most American thing about America”-- Theodore Roosevelt

Calendar of events

Sunday, May 3: “Sound Improvisation and the Collective Consciousness.” Guests include: Dr. Keith Sawyer author of Group Genius, Diminished Capacity (Anna Lum and Rich O’Donnell), Ghosts I Have Been w/ recordings by Ghost Ice, and MMMelt (Daniel Shown). Followed by a recorded improvisational collaboration. Bring electronics, toys, gadgets, found objects, organic instruments and make some noise!

Monday, May 4: “Local Go-getters and How I Started My Space.” Public Forum Q & A with Matt Strauss (White Flag), BJ Vogt (MAPS), Juan William Chavez (Boots Contemporary), Nita Turnage and Hap Phillips (Artica), David Wolk (Cranky Yellow& Crammed Organisms), Stephen Brien (All Along Press), Firecracker Press, Open Lot, Luminary Center, and APOP.

Tuesday, May 5: “Personal and Collective Practices that Investigate Notions of Space, History, and Public Goods.” Demonstrations and discussion highlighting mapping, tagging, blogging, virtual studios, and YouTube as art spaces. Featuring Eric and Michelle DeLair Repice (Wash U), Michael Allen (Ecology of Absence), Ben West (WASABINET), Jordan Hicks (Open Lot), live animation by Sarah Paulsen and music by Macro Meltdown

Wednesday, May 6: “Artist Viewpoints: Innovations and Boundaries in Community Art Practice.” Works and commentary by Cindy Tower, Lyndsey Scott, Keith Bucholdz, Peat Wollager, and Maya Escobar.

Thursday, May 7: “Exploratory Film Night: Time based art/video shorts exploring the use of found/appropriated images, collage, and archives.” Including films by Jodie Mack (Chicago) Yard Work is Hard Work, Ken Brown and Tom Bussmann (Germany and Stl) Beyond the Crisis in Art, Emily Foster (San Francisco) Snowfakes, Mike Pagano (Stl), Jeremy Kannappell (Stl), Emily Hemeyer and more. Music by Kevin Butterfield. Opening Music, Flowers. All donated proceeds benefit CAMP (Community Arts and Media Project).

Contact: Press- Emily Hemeyer ghostsihavebeen@gmail.com

Sarah Paulsen pintorasp@hotmail.com
Eric Repice erepice@gmail.com
Facebook “Friend Us!”- Chautauqua Art Lab

I am also excited about my opening on May 2 with Eric between 6 and 11 pm at Fort Gondo.