Chautauqua Wrap Up and A little Sunday Blues

It's a slightly overcast Sunday and while I just finished a lovely picnic with Cam and Fam, I've got a little Sunday Blues.
Today was Mother's Day so my brother, Cam, and I prepared a meal of Paella, Bruschetta, Salad, and Brownies, for my mom (and dad). We took all the food to Tower Grove and set up a little picnic in the evening followed by a walk. All pretty good except for my twinge of blues....

Why I got the blues; perhaps it is because of all these super connecting events ending..the parade....the chautauqua.
Perhaps it is because Cam and I realized we are post project middle of the month near broke.
Perhaps it is because the week is about to start up again and we barely had a break.

1) Chautauqua. It seems nearly impossible for me to describe how fantastic the Chautauqua was. Although it took up each evening of mine for the past week. It was an incredible experience to hear about people's projects and connect with them in that setting. It was a sort of free Urban School. The space was one of the first community experiences I have felt in a long time. I already miss not seeing those people everyday! The other aspect was that when people stand up in front of a small group they get incredibly honest and real. I'm not just saying that to be cheesy but I really had a sense of understanding for people that I might not have even connected with previously. It just felt damn good to be learning and in dialogue and envisioning. Each night there were between 25-60 (last night)
Highlights include:
the crazy new music circle nintendo music maker.
how i started my space: each persons path to what they were doing now.
tech nite: michael allen and his crazy fantastic presentation. and then the whole group of us staying till midnite.
wed: I can't even pick a fav, but man it was great to hear about Anna Ieggeio's experiences with Rockaway.
thurs: beautiful music: Bangerrang, Flowers, Kevin B. , fun sharing films, Jeremy's little films, screening Yard Work.
I just feel this missing that it has ended. This and the parade make me wonder what I need to do next? I am trying to be open and listen to this.

2) Post Project Brokeness:
At some point Cam and I both realized we were low on funds today. It all started when I asked him to buy groceries, as it was his turn. Seems that both of us are low on funds. I am about to get a paycheck so not much a deal for me. But it brought up for us how frustrating it is that we spend most of our money on our projects. Cam in this scenario put money towards his circus wagon. I spent mine on stuff for the parade and show and Chautauqua. Little things that add up like postcards, copies, beer, food, water, rent, etc. One thing that is different between Cam and I, is that I make art on a budget and he will spend whatever it takes to get his project done. I'm really only mentioning this because I want to be transparent about this whole experience with parade and chautauqua and show. One downside is that I almost always spend more money on these things than on say, buying a new bra. Which leads me to think people don't make interesting art to make money, they do it because they have to. I always pray in these moments that I'll sell a painting or drawing or get a job that pays really well and requires little work time. We fought for awhile about these things ( how he avoids budgeting and I avoid student loan paperwork). Then we sort of bonded in our common feeling of frustration and our desire to figure out how to live making the things we love to make.

Who was the artist that convinced someone to buy a piece from him which was essentially him throwing money off a bridge into water?



3) Sunday Blues, sometimes I just get a little sad to slow down and gear up for the week.
----PAUSE------
Not much more to say right now. Just finished a conversation with Lyndsey and feel much more at peace.

Talking about how sometimes you just need to let the creative stuff in you flow out and manifest in its own time. Its okay to be awkward and molting/ transforming and even slightly weary from time or experience.

I was reminded that if anything should reassure me that things will work out, I just have to think of the weather for the parade and the amount of people that showed up!